I conceived my DC using a sperm donor. AMA

[SapphosRock]

Happy to answer any questions for others looking to go down this route or if anyone is just nosy.

I didn't have to pay for tests in the UK for IUI. Your GP should be able to organise the tests your clinic needs, I was also offered a Hycosy to check my Fallopian tubes.

The first thing to ask for is 21 day progesterone to check you are ovulating and your hormone levels. The clinic you choose will let you know the others you need.

An optional test you would need to pay for is the AMH levels - your egg reserve. This is really useful to know but you can do IUI without it. That costs about £200 and gives you a good idea of your fertility.

If you are over 35 then I would advise to pay for the AMH test and then make a decision on whether to start with IUI or go straight for IVF. It would be a waste of time and money to do repeated IUIs if egg reserve is low.

Most clinics will let you get the AMH test without paying for a consultation to discuss results - it is easy enough to work out what the results mean by Googling them!

Thank you for offering to share your experiences. From the title of the thread, i.e. 'my DC' I thought you were single, so I was going to ask you about that, but having seen you are actually in a relationship, it is no longer relevant. 🙂
However, it does strike me strange that you would say 'my child' when not a single parent. Do you feel your children are more yours than they are your partner's? Don't mean any offense with this question, hope it is not taken that way.

Monmonga no that's fine, not offended! I can see what you mean, I guess it's because DW isn't on Mumsnet so it's only me giving answers but they are definitely our DC not my DC.

Do you feel your children are more yours than they are your partner's?

No absolutely not. DW was there throughout the pregnancy and birth, she cut the cord and was the first person to hold DD. I liken it to adopting a child from birth. DW is on DD's birth certificate as her other parent.

I would never try and undermine that relationship or try and suggest they were more mine than hers, but even if I did I wouldn't have a legal leg to stand on as she is their legal parent.

I actually worried when I was first pregnant that I wouldn't bond with the baby as it was a stranger's child but I knew my DW would.

Thank you! So interesting what you are saying about the bond. How did it work? Did she develop a bond with both of you straight away or you first and then her other mum?
Congratulations on the new baby as well!

Thank you for answering my questions, they're not exactly things you can just ask anyone in the street!

Thanks Monmonga!

Well I had all the hormones and did the breastfeeding so my bond was immediate with DD.

Just asked DW when she felt the bond and she says it was immediate for her too.

Thank you, SapphosRock!

You sound like a great family! Do you have a network of families like yours or is your network mainly 'conventional' families?

Do you have a network of families like yours or is your network mainly 'conventional' families?

We do have a network of same sex families we're friends with. When I was pregnant I joined a local Rainbow Families parents to be group and met 5 or 6 other lesbian couples due around the same time. We've all stayed in touch and we are particularly close with one family and see them most weekends. Our DD's were born 6 weeks apart and are best friends.

There are also regular Rainbow Families events where I live - it's quite a thriving community. We do things like monthly soft play, camping trips, climbing lessons, picnics etc. There is also another child in DD's class with same sex parents. Therefore she probably doesn't realise our family is unusual. So many of her friends have donors instead of dads.

Most of my close straight friends have chosen not to have children but we do spend time with other conventional families too! All her friends at school (bar one) have a mum and a dad.

That sounds great for your DD, to have all this diversity around her. Thanks again for the insight!

This is maybe a stupid question... but, was there any issue around flying after the treatment? I'm also looking at Denmark but wondered whether flying home straight afterwards affects anything.
Yes, now I'm sure it's a stupid question, but still wondering whether you were given or have any advice on that?

WantToBeMum not a stupid question at all. With IUI the sperm is inserted straight into the uterus through the cervix so I was advised there is no issues with walking around or flying afterwards. The clinic said there's no need to put your legs in the air or anything like that, it's definitely not going to fall out.

I have read and have have had advice from friends on certain things that could help IUI which are simple to do and won't do any harm:

• Relaxing for 20 minutes afterwards rather than getting straight up
• Keeping nice and warm, I took a mini hot water bottle
• Drinking lots of water
• Taking deep breaths
• Laughter helps you relax so watching something funny on a phone or iPad

The most important thing is getting the timing right though.

Good luck!

How long after giving birth did you go back to work? And what was it like for you to go back? This is the plan for my wife and I. I am pregnant. But I am self employed and would need to go back to work relatively soon really. My wife is having the year off with the baby. That's the plan anyway. However I wouldn't be going back full time. I can choose my own hours and plan to work 3 days per week. But I still have no idea how I'll feel once I've had the baby.

DW is on DD's birth certificate as her other parent

I didn't realise you could do that, that's such a good thing. I thought it had to be biological parents or a blank.

'Consultant lead due to you age'
What age is it considered a consultant is best.

How long after giving birth did you go back to work? And what was it like for you to go back?

The original plan was for me to take a year off but DW was made redundant when DD was 6 months old so I ended up going back full time when she was 8 months old and DW took on the childcare. I thought I would be sad to be back at work but tbh I was completely ready to use my brain again by then! I did miss DD but made sure I left work on time so I could do bedtime.

LetMeIn321 my DW said she loved the time with DD so I think your plan sounds really positive, especially if you can work flexible hours so you won't be away from the baby full time.

What age is it considered a consultant is best.

I'm late 30s so not sure. Perhaps over 35? It may have been a combination of my age and the IVF rather than just age.

Thank you. Yes it makes sense for us after weighing up all of our options. Thanks for answering my question.

I don’t have a question, I just wanted to say thank you for doing this lovely thread and giving lots of great advice to other women in the process ❤️

Thanks FlashesOfRage - I would have found a thread like this useful when we first started looking into our options so I hope it can help some families.