I'm a wheelchair user AMA

[Hushabyelullaby]

As the title says, ask away!

Do you use a wheelchair full time or are you able to walk?

I'm not able to walk so am in it full time

What (if anything) should well-meaning strangers do to help?

What would help you using public transport easier? Would the help of strangers help or make you feel uncomfortable?

Similar to PPs, is there anything others can do to make things any easier? (Aside from the obvious like not using disabled loos or parking spaces if they don't need to).

With a manual wheelchair, is it rude to offer to push it for someone? E.g. if out with a friend who uses one, or even if it was a stranger but they were at the bottom of a hill...

In terms of accessibility, what are the best and worst places you have visited?

I have a close friend who uses a wheelchair most but not all of the time. I can’t believe how difficult it is just to go out for lunch or a coffee sometimes! Disabled access is so often an afterthought.

Is it difficult to access public spaces (like shops, transport, parks, restaurants etc)? Do you find it easy to connect with society in general or do you feel isolated from it? Do you experience discrimination due to being in a wheelchair?

Sorry if any of those questions are too ignorant

@AuntieAvocado holding a door open is always appreciated

Have you been a wheelchair user all your life?

@Klouise777 the help of strangers is always appreciated, it's not something that would make me feel uncomfortable. It's very kind of them to offer any help at all.

@RandomUsernameHere I guess it would be to simply afford me the same courtesy as others. Also not to physically push me out of the way to get past (or as happened once at Xmas in a busy shop, climb over me ). I've lost count of the amount of times I will be with someone (my assistant or my husband for instance), and people will talk to them instead of me. Often people look over my head and talk to them. My legs don't work but my brain does, it gets very frustrating.

@Mayday19 not rude to ask, it would be to just simply do it. Quite often I'll try myself, manage it, manage for a while, or not be able to. In the relevant circumstance I would ask if it was a friend, if a stranger saw me struggling and asked me and I needed it, I'd be grateful and would gladly accept.

I always worry that I come across as condescending etc when I offer to help ; are there ways well meaning people can offer help that would be more appreciated?

I'm sorry to hear people have been so incredibly rude to you, OP

Do you meet with other wheelchair users to share experiences? If so how hard is it to meet somewhere?

Do you end up going everywhere in the car because pavements are so packed with cars and bins?

Do you get wheelchair envy when you see a model that's better than yours?

Do you think being a wheelchair user has brought any positive things to your life?

What exercise and sport do you do/ have you done? Do you find accessible options? We are very lucky to have fantastic adaptive options locally but I’m aware this might be unusual.

@TinyMystery access is generally poor, unfortunately it takes business away from towns, but retail parks are so much easier and due to them being more recently built they usually conform to disability access regs.

I live near an old historic city that is beautiful, but with cobbled streets and most buildings being Tudor, they tend to have a step or few to get in. Even if I could they are usually narrow and difficult to manoeuvre in.Sometimes shops that are accessible you can get in the door, but after that the racks are so close together you wouldn't have a chance of getting round.

Speaking of wheelchair envy @Cyclemad222 you have to see this;

scewo.ch

They're about £25k ATM but i'm hoping they come down before I need a chair FT.

First thanks. If it wasn't for the hard work and tenacity of people who use wheelchairs life would be considerably shitter for parents. All your adaptations have been wonderful for me.

Two questions. First, travel. I'm a huge travel person but when I go to some countries it seems impossible to imagine people getting around using a wheelchair.

Second flooring. I got asked about this literally yesterday. We're replacing flooring in a flat. What's best? For you to get around safely.

I always feel awkward being taller and 'talking over someone's head' during conversations in a group when one person is in a wheelchair etc. I almost feel like bending down so I'm at the same height but that feels condescending. Please help me do the right thing.

@TinyMystery sorry I forgot to answer the best and worst. I'll give my location away but I've nothing to hide. The best is Chester (aforementioned historic city) Zoo. They have scooters you can reserve if needed, some of the toilets are accessible changing places (as well as large and fitted with all the required bars etc, they have a hospital type bed, shower, and storage of all sorts of changing equipments and towels). My friend has a severely disabled son who is 13 and most of the time she has to change him on the floor of disabled toilets as there is nowhere else to do it. Places like this are invaluable. They have boats that take you around the Islands part of the zoo, and a wheelchair is able to go on it.

I have come across a few awful places, mainly individually owned/operated premises. One pub I went to I could get in and they had a disabled toilet, but when I opened the door it was full of mops, buckets, high chairs, stepladders, and coats to name a few. I got them to empty it out for me and found that the light didn't work. They gave me a torch to use. When I'd finished they piled everything back in there....

One restaurant I went to I rang first to check access as a friend was booking a hen do there. I explained that I was a full time wheelchair user and they said no problem. When I arrived there was a step and no ramp (the step was huge too), then to get into the place the doors were in a sort of chicane (sharp left, sharp right, sharp left), which made it tight. We got in eventually and we're seated at the front by the big windows, when I asked to use the toilet later I was told it was at the rear of the restaurant. The tables were too close together for me to get through.

Another restaurant had a small step to get in, but I knew that beforehand and arranged for people in my group to help. They assured me they had a disabled toilet. They did and it was pristine, raised toilet, bars, sink, emergency alarm etc, so what was the problem? The door wasn't wide enough to allow my chair to get in it!

I could go on...

Getting around sounds absolutely exhausting, one obstacle after another. Do you get anxious when you're out and about in case you get stuck? I used to feel anxious waiting at the bus stop with my kids in a double pushchair in case I couldn't get on, and I at least had the option of folding or walking.

And how do you manage in toilets? Do you need a hoist? I've been following the Changing Places campaign to create more fully accessible toilets. Needing those must really limit where you can go.

Do you find people treat you differently because you are in a wheelchair?

@NeedingAdvice29 access to some places is difficult (see previous replies), things are gradually improving if they are council owned though. Usually cinemas, sports centres, theatres etc are great, parks are hit and miss in regards to access. If they have kissing gates then I can't access them.

I generally find I connect with Society well, but them I'm not a shy person and will chat away to anyone. I can speak up for and represent anyone (and am volunteer vice chair on the Council for a nationwide charity), but simply can't for me, despite how much I try. I don't feel isolated as I'm firmly ensconced in society, mainly because I'm bloody stubborn and have made sure that I am because being a voice for those that aren't heard is really important to me.

I find I get discriminated against a lot when parking in a disabled bay. I drive with hand controls, and when I pull in to a space all people see is a relatively young (43), woman driving a regular car. I get filthy looks and comments (which I hear when the windows are open), tbh they can only see my head. I may not even have legs for all they know.