I'm a recovered anorexic - AMA.

[elliandher5]

Diagnosed at 11. Went in circles from there and sectioned for the first time at 13 for a year. Been inpatient 6 times since then. I spent most of my teenage years on a ward. Had NG tubes (even a PEG), daily blood tests, constant ECGs, weeks in general hospital on top of inpatient stays - you name it. Didn't start my period until I was 21.

I'm 30 now and for the first time in my life can say I'm fully recovered. AMA.

How oh how did you fully recover?? I'm semi recovered, but still have a lot of behaviours/restrictions. Also battle exercise addiction. So much better than I was but a long way to go. Also no period since I was about 22, now 26. Have had 1 cycle in all them years so it's defiantly there! Sorry to bombard you! X

@brainstormer123 no worries!
After a one night stand (I felt so ugly at the time sleeping around made me feel beautiful ) I fell pregnant at 21. I couldn't believe it and it triggered me so much that I was 'healthy' enough to be pregnant. I continued to restrict and exercise and I miscarried at 9 weeks . Despite all my other thoughts, I was so devastated and felt guilty to my poor little bubba. It made me realise - clearly carrying on like this my body isn't healthy enough to carry a baby - one of the most natural things on Earth. I gave up on ED services, units, psychiatrists, therapists. The decision had to come from ME!!!
I did the Minnie Maud Method for a while which was bloody terrifying at first, I'm not going to lie to you, it took balls. But it worked wonders, google it or message me for info, I'm so happy to help. A life semi recovered is a half life.

Found out I was pregnant again on my 23rd birthday with my boyfriend of 6 months' baby. It was a shock but I threw myself into looking after my baby girl and myself. I had to do this for my baby as well as myself.

Now DD is 6. She has 3 year old little twin brothers and I'm expecting another little girl in a few weeks. I'm still with my then boyfriend would you believe. So happy I turned my life around!

Aw that's absolutely amazing 😊 I see a therapist weekly (privately) which does help but it's just hard letting go of certain behaviours. I've seen the MMM but I'm not sure I need to do it as I eat well but still restrict if that makes sense? Did you become pregnant first time without a cycle? This is the one thing that makes me push to become fully recovered, I know the fact I don't have periods is purely down to my low weight. X

Well done and congratulations!

My question is: how did you/do you feel about other people's eating habits? So say if a coworker or friend ate lots in front of you; would that bother you?

No questions but and a massive hug.
I still struggle with anorexic thoughts but am a healthy weight and happy with it.

Well done on your recovery. My question is is there anything that loved ones can say or do that can be helpful?

@brainstormer123 I did indeed! Thank you lovely.
The MMM states that whatever your weight, however much you are eating, if you are engaging in behaviours however minor or having thoughts, you should follow it! It heals your brain!!! Good luck

@Absoluteunit
So when I was deep in my anorexia, I enjoyed (yes it sounds messed up to say it) seeing other people like my friends eat lots around me. It made me feel better and 'reassured'. I never ate in front of them.

At the start of my recovery I ate in front of my friends but had a rule that I must always eat less than them or at a push the same amount. I would watch their plates like a hawk. It would also trigger me if they were

• on a diet
• not hungry
• felt ill

Now I'm recovered, I look after myself. Everyone's eating is up to them and their own decision.
(However of course if I noticed red flags for anorexia developing I would swoop in - it's a truly vile illness that won't be happy until you're dead)

@Shadow01 thank you! sending love. i'm also a healthy weight and have been maintaining it for a while now and I am proud - my body is happy!
do your best to challenge the evil thoughts :)

@shumway thank you lovely! good question.
It does depend on the person. For me I'd rather not talk about my anorexia to most of my family / friends in early recovery. That's ok. (I would talk to my mum and brother so I wasn't bottling it up) Instead I relied on my other family and friends to make me laugh, to treat me as 'normal', to show me LIFE!!!

I wouldn't make any comments about food, or diets, very triggering in recovery! They can come from the best place just not be helpful at all.

Say things like 'are you doing okay? i'm always always here' so they feel loved and appreciated but nothing too deep.

Little gifts like flowers, craft kits, dvds were nice too.
But most importantly - treat them no differently as I said before, and bring laughter and life back to them.

Well done OP!

Thanks OP, it's something I have wondered about before.

And another massive well done! X

Is there anything that would have helped you during the early years? Or anything specifically that led to your anorexia? And what signs would you watch out for with your own children?

I have a 9 year old daughter who’s convinced she’s fat despite there not being a lick of it on her. She eats healthy, she is very active and well within the normal weight range for children her age.

You say fully recovered, it’s that behaviour wise? Do you still think you’re fat? But ignore that feeling, or do you now not think/feel like that?

What do you think about the new research that just came out that posits a link to metabolism, i.e. anorexia is not a purely MH condition, it's actually triggered by physical metabolic factors that are genetic in a significant number of cases ?

Link goes to the Guardian
www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwithaDknMHjAhWsxoUKHdpqDWAQzPwBegQIARAC&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theguardian.com%2Fscience%2F2019%2Fjul%2F15%2Fanorexia-not-just-a-psychiatric-problem-scientists-find&psig=AOvVaw1h112Dwzxt164XkZRgomDK&ust=1563634020880446

Also congratulations!

Thank you everyone!!!

@MissingTheMissletoe I was never overweight, just in the healthy weight range however due to body dysmorphia I too was convinced I was fat. My best friend at the time (I was 8/9) was naturally very very skinny and I would constantly compare myself. I did tell my parents constantly but they just thought I was attention seeking as it was so blatantly obvious I wasn't.
One thing I would would watch it for is obsession with being 'healthy'. I started by cutting out junk food, moved onto limiting carbs and eventually became a vegan eating mainly raw fruit and veg which makes me so sad to think about now. I did my mum's exercise DVDs at home multiple times a day to start. Then paced around the house, leave lessons to run up and down the stairs, bounce on the trampoline and go on excessive runs by the time my disorder really kicked in.

Of course staying healthy is great! it's good to be active and eat well but I also cannot stress how important it also is to have lazy days and eat chocolate and mcdonalds! everything in moderation including moderation itself.

It's best you squash the body issue with your daughter before it develops into anything bad! I recommend www.amazon.co.uk/Little-Book-Body-Confidence-ways/dp/1975906632/ref=asc_df_1975906632/?hvlocphy=9044920&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&psc=1this&hvnetw=g&hvadid=241181689605&hvpone&hvlocint&th=1&hvpos=1o1&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-698326967230&hvrand=14772083614950521354 book

My anorexia story is very typical but traumas commonly can lead to it too. I'd watch out for controlling the way they eat (however minor), exercise compulsions, obsession about food and always making comments about it. Also hidden food all going to the loo after meals.

Sending love!

@Jaffacakebeast
I am at my healthy weight and eat intuitively ie what ever I bloody want whenever I bloody want. I can say I no longer get thoughts or compulsions. I am life positive, body neutral. I love my body because it lets me travel the world, do the things I love, and it carried my children!

Sending love x
I'm 48, I realise I had an eating disorder (undiagnosed/never talked about) from very early in childhood (everyone put it down as being a picky eater) my life has been rough at times and I've realised I can have some kind of control over something and that is my body.
I want to punish myself for all the things I've failed at.
I've been starving myself since Monday, it's been a bad time for my MH these last few years.
I'm breathless & weak, I can only think of the numbers on the scales going down and that makes me feel in control & satisfied. Last time I did this I dropped 3.5st in 5 months.
The pain in my stomach overrides the pain in my chest from all the bereavements, DV, loss, guilt etc
This pain is easier to cope with.
Will I ever have as much control over my head as I do over my body?

Thank you so much for your advice @elliandher5 - also never meant to imply that you’d been overweight or unhealthy before your anorexia! So glad you’re doing better now, and congrats on your DC (and the one on the way) will def give that book a try

@Preggosaurus9 (I am very passionate about this)
Anorexia is a mental illness that isn't determined by your weight, shape or size. Often there is a direct cause or a collection of causes, sometimes there isn't. And this is because it is absolutely genetic, as Tabitha Farrar (the eating disorder recovery coach legend) says!!!

For example, Angela and Bob would like to lose some weight (for perfectly healthy reasons). Angela does not have an eating disorder 'seed' in her head. She diets and exercises however still has a very healthy relationship with food. She improves her health. Bob does have the eating disorder 'seed' in his head. There's nothing he can do about that - it is controlled by genes. He diets and exercises and develops anorexia, unintentionally. He worsens his health.

Restrict food in some way and / or exercise -> starve brain and body -> energy deficit -> anorexic brain -> damage body

This links back to when we were cavemen. It's fascinating.
So whilst I don't have research about this metabolism thing I strongly believe the mental and physical element of anorexia go hand in hand. Without the genetics and body in energy deficit, it can't properly develop.

Take Chris for example. He has the 'seed' however he's never been in an energy deficit - he doesn't develop anorexia.

xxx

@MissingTheMissletoe no problem !!! and of course you didn't imply that, I was just trying to say that it can happen to slim people which most don't appreciate xx

tabithafarrar.com/

You are so so worthy. Please don't ruin your body for a peace of mind you'll never get. Starving is not the answer, there are so many other ways to cope with your pain! It's going to feel weak and wrong to take back control, but it's so so right. I refuse to let you slip. @ImTheDamnFoolThatShotHim

I'm sorry, you've been through so much 😔
I'm stressed right now because my partner has arrived for the weekend and I am panicking about having to eat and pretend I'm ok, he doesn't know the extent of this.
I was diagnosed with gallstones a few weeks ago apparently starving yourself does that?!

Do you ever feel you could slip back when you are stressed or a bad life event happens?

Do you ever feel you could slip back when you are stressed or a bad life event happens? Do you think there is a way to protect yourself from relapse?

I thought I was recovered for over a decade, then I decided to just get down to where I was in my early 20s. I got there, had a few stressful months and now I've found myself borderline underweight and trying to maintain, well not actively trying to lose weight, but still slowly losing. I'm a self aware adult woman, I know exactly what I'm doing, what the risks are, but still can't bring myself to pull myself out of it just yet.