I had a really early baby - AMA

[whichbearisbest]

My daughter was born at 23+3 (and survived) - I love to talk about it so wondered if anyone was interested or had questions?

Eeek sorry WiFi fail

What a wonderful AMA OP. You must be so strong. How was your partner, if you have one, through the process?
How is you DP with it all? We found no one really asked how DH was, no one really offered him support and he was just expected to be strong for us.

I'm definitely not strong - part of the 'journey' of all of this for me has been encountering how much anxiety I have when things are out of my control. I have been very very fortunate to be propped up by wonderful people.

I think DH's colleagues and friends were really important supports to him through it all. He has a memory of a couple of his friends walking with him down a hospital corridor with their arms round his shoulders - he says it was like they were holding him up literally and figuratively, which makes me feel quite emotional! He's a very emotionally articulate person and self-aware, so he and I talked a lot about how we were feeling and coping with stuff. I think all the challenges that dads can have bonding with tiny babies was probably exacerbated for him by the circumstances we were in; he will occasionally talk about his increasing enjoyment of parenting as DD gets older.

@Nodramanollama I'm sorry to hear you had such big challenges with breastfeeding. It can be tough at the best of times without stuff like that getting in the way. Latching was tough for us too - I had to use nipple shields for a while which I HATED! We were really fortunate to be able to continue on with breastfeeding, yes.

Wow absolutely I'm with you on the struggling-when-we-left thing! It was such a shock to the system to suddenly be in the community with 'just' generic services - community nurses and health visitor - when we were used to 3 daily ward-rounds with consultants, specialist nurses on tap 24/7 etc. Not that the community teams weren't great; it was just a massive step down in terms of support and we were certainly not prepared for that. You're right, the NICU experience is so unique. When I meet another mum that's been through it in some way I always feel a bit connected to her, do you know what I mean?

Why did you deliver so early? Has it changed your view on abortion at all?

Your DC sounds like a real fighter

@whichbearisbest yes i agree! I really struggle making connections with other mums. I also worried that i didnt bond very well with my son. I dont feel that way now but it was difficult.

No question just glad that your girl is doing well x

My son wasn't quite as early but was a 26weeker. He is now 7 and absolutely flourishing!!

He is highly sensitive and recently has been diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder.

He doesn't do too well in the winter with chest infections and croup. I thought he would have outgrown the croup by now but obviously being a preemie it might take some tome! Xx

I dont have a question but I am 24 weeks tomorrow and in the back of my mind I have been thinking about what stage our baby could survive if I went into early labour for a week or 2. To think the baby inside me right now could live is amazing. Thank you for sharing your story and I'm so glad your daughter is doing well.

My son ( my first child) was born at 29+1 he arrived weighing 2lbs 11oz, exactly the same as a bag of sugar!
He had a brain bleed, problems with his heart, lungs and stomach!
They said he’d have problems.....I turned into mumzilla, learnt everything about nutrition and early learning. He’s an A* student starting uni in sept!
We have a few hiccups ,along the way, but he’s healthy now. As a neonatal nurse said at the time ‘ nothing wrong with him, he’s just in a hurry to get here! ‘
The weirdest thing for me was going home with an empty baby seat. He had to spend 10weeks in the nicu.
I sure your daughter will be the same, with you as her mum. She has already defied the odds with your love to help her!
Good luck to both of you xx

@DreamingofSunshine - My understanding is that the way I experienced labour / delivery suggests that I had an incompetent cervix, but that it's not really possible to say with 100% certainty why it happened. There wasn't any evidence of an infection or anything like that.

Such an interesting question about abortion. It hasn't changed my views substantively, no, certainly not in the way that one might imagine it could have. I'm a Christian, and my beliefs would shape my thinking and decision-making about abortion for myself. But having access to safe, legal abortion services is to me a basic requirement for any society that values women.

Wow OP, what a fantastic story. I'm so glad your DD ended up being ok.

What was your daughter's birth weight and how is she doing in terms of size for her age now?

My cousins were born at 26 weeks weighing 670g (1lb 8oz) and 1kg (2lb 3oz) - they both survived and have no additional needs emotionally/mentally/physically at 15. I don't know how they managed to survive and I'd never seen something so small in my life. It still amazes me when I think about how small they were.

@littlepeaegg - so wonderful to hear about your DS. I feel like somebody once told me that it takes up to the age of 7 for preemie lung tissue to 'catch up' with peers; I wonder if you'll see a difference this year? Was he on a ventilator for a long time?

Please tell me some more about highly sensitive / sensory processing stuff from your perspective...? Did you read what I wrote above about my daughter's reactions to beeping stuff? It has at times crossed my mind that there might be something more to it.

@user1486131602 that's fantastic! I love hearing such positive stories. Preemies are such fighters!

@NeverHadANickname sending you lots of positive, long-pregnancy vibes!

@user1486131602 - so good to hear about how well your son has done! You mention that he's your first - were any subsequent babies prem for you?

Is she your first/only child? Would the experience put you off having more?

@eeela oh wow, they were tiny! Did you get to meet them shortly after their birth? Did you find as well that it was strange seeing them look so unlike 'normal' babies? The shape of heads; the texture of the skin; the skinny limbs etc.? It must have been amazing to watch them grow up and do so wonderfully.

My daughter was 520g (one pound and two ounces) which was on the small side of average for her gestation, I think. She's very small for her age now; slightly below the 0.4th centile. She wears clothes a couple of years 'younger' than her actual age.

It's lovely to hear, though must have been petrifying.
Was it a vaginal birth? Why did you have to give birth so early? Did you just go into labour?

@Bobbiepin - she's my first and I'm pregnant again now, which I think is partly what's triggered me to want to start this thread. I'm really grateful to you all for letting me talk about it in such a self-indulgent way!

Having her didn't put me off having more; but it has made us think really carefully about the possibility of doing an NICU 'journey' with an older child to care for as well. This pregnancy is also proving really stressful for both grandmothers, and that's brought home to me how much our extended family have also been impacted by what happened last time.

The reason I asked is my friend had a stillborn at 22.5 weeks and she says she now couldn't support a late abortion. I'm with you, abortion might not be my personal choice but I believe in the right for women to access it safely should they need to.

@Jonette , yes it was just a spontaneous, vaginal birth. They don't know why it happened for certain, but the signs point to an incompetent cervix.

How far along are you OP? I assume they'll be monitoring you closely. I have a few friends with incompetent cervix (I think thats right?) so had to have it stitched to keep baby in for longer

How on earth did you cope? Were there all sorts of complications/operations for her, or was it literally a case of her needing to be incubated for another few months?

God this made me cry I'm currently pregnant with my 3rd and I may have an early baby. Its amazing what medicine can do now days. Stay strong OP.