I recovered from a personality disorder (BPD/EUPD) AMA

[LittleMissedTheSunshine]

Through intensive therapy I recovered from BPD (Borderline personality disorder) to the point I was told I no longer met the diagnostic criteria.

It has been an amazing journey from chronically seriously suicidal to happy with life.

AMA

onetimeposter it's strange when you have BPD as part of you thinks that it's all your fault and that you're the biggest fuck up that ever there was, and the other part of you is massively in denial of this and blames everyone around you for being horrible to you.

I remember I was a terrible employee and jumped from job to job, I'd wind up my managers and then when I inevitably got disciplined or sacked it would all be their fault. I didn't have the capacity to see the chain reaction ie their actions were driven by my actions to a certain extent.

Now I've been through all the CAT therapy and recovered, I really get wound up by people who don't take responsibility for their actions. I've had a couple of (so called) friends who've pulled this trick on me, for example one of them didn't take care of something I'd lent her, when I got a bit pissed off about this and challenged her, I was (in her eyes) being horrible to her and suddenly I was the baddie... her actions were irrelevant.. all very BPD behaviour and we're not friends anymore. My mum does this too... plays the eternal victim regardless of how her own actions may have contributed to the situation.

No, being able to take responsibility for my actions was the most important thing I learned in therapy.

Onetime I hope to god you really are uneducated on the matter and not a professional in the field as you imply.

The majority of my patients have a personality disorder and are nothing like you describe. The reason why hospital treatment is not recommended except in severe crisis is because the most effective treatment is long term taking therapies which hospital wards cannot provide.

Another factor to consider is that the vast majority of people with EUPD have experienced trauma so horrific it has given them unhealthy coping mechanisms as that is the only way they can express their pain. Your post utterly stinks of victim blaming and as a RMN I hope to god you are not a professional because quite frankly you don't deserve the opportunity to work with this vulnerable group!

No I'm not a mh professional. I'm only talking from what I've seen and heard. I haven't criticised or blamed anyone only given my views, which were basically about a lack of insight-that's common in any mh area, no? And also about taking responsibility for own feelings and behaviour, which is what OP said was her turning point. Glad that as a professional, you have such a good view of your patients. Sorry to have offended.

@LittleMissedTheSunshine - thank you for posting this. Thank you for challenging the view that BPD is untreatable - I personally believe it's very treatable, we just don't put enough funding into doing so appropriately

@FruitCider - you sound brilliant, I'm glad your clients have you

I haven't criticised or blamed anyone only given my views, which were basically about a lack of insight-that's common in any mh area, no?

Some patients lack insight some of the time, it's very dangerous to work on the presumption that everyone with poor mental health lacks insight most of the time. Trust me, most people with personality disorders KNOW there is something "wrong", because life is so bloody relentless with one.

I also don't believe that people with personality disorders sit around and wait to get better either. Many are misdiagnosed by GPs as having depression and anxiety and are not offered appropriate treatment, or are diagnosed with a personality disorder then excluded from services as there isn't an appropriate talking therapy available in their area or they don't miss the threshold for community services. That isn't laziness on the patients side, it's the system that is broken and not them!

As I said previously I urge anyone wanting to treat a PD with the funds to do so to seek private treatment as it's simply not possible to rely on the NHS. I realise not everyone can afford to do so but it's definitely an investment worth considering for those who can.

I'm very lucky as I was only diagnosed and treated by chance (had been referred for another condition, an eating disorder) otherwise I may still be out there suffering or worse dead from suicide. I remember telling the doctor my symptoms and being told I 'only' had depression. I knew it was more than that.

This is really inspiring OO! Well done on your journey, I wish you every happiness

I think the point about taking responsibility is key. The key phrase is emotionally unstable, so normal every day events (someone not texting back, someone being rude to you at work) trigger a huge emotional response, which leads to unhelpful behaviour (self harm, having arguments with people, etc) People with EUPD can blame the ‘triggering event’, I.e their boyfriend not texting back as the cause of all their subsequent actions, which is where the problem lies, as most people who experience the same wouldn’t self harm/try to end their life/go on a tirade etc. If people can recognise that their behaviour is abnormal, then they can get better!

Brilliant AMA OP! This is so great to hear, CAT is great and so under-used.

There is funding (supposedly) going into MH workers in schools. What sort of thing do you think they could do to help EUPD from developing and worsening in teenagers? I was originally thinking DBT type skills training so interested in your thoughts having used CAT.

Hi wonky donky ... I'm not sure what can be done to help as with BPD the individual has to really want to change, so it all hinges on that. I attempted suicide twice as a teen, the first time I said it was an accidental overdose so no onwards referral there the second time I nearly died so I was referred to CAMHS or whatever it was but I was just not willing to engage with any treatment and thought all the therapists were stupid, in the end they basically said I didn't need to come if I didn't want to so I dropped out of treatment there after only a couple of sessions. This was the early 90s though so maybe someone in my position now would get more / better help.

But my point about someone being willing to engage still stands... you may get this in a young person but I think it is more likely in someone older who has a bit more life experience and is ready to 'see the light'.

My first suicide attempt happened at school, it was the classic cry for help and probably textbook BPD behaviour, but it was all hushed up and I think the teachers were mainly embarrassed (it was a private school, nice middle class girls aren't supposed to have mental health problems don't you know?). So any MH help in schools is good, I used to feel like such a freak and they had absolutely no idea how to deal with it, at one point I stopped talking to anyone at all except to answer questions in class when put to me by a teacher and this was regarded as trouble making/attention seeking rather than anyone thinking 'hang on what's going on with this kid something is seriously wrong here'.

As I say this was early 90s, hopefully things can improve a bit in this era.

Hi Cornelius and thank you for your kind post, yes i know that one and I can still have quite a big internal reaction to, eg someone not texting back or being rude to me but what the CAT has done has allowed me to put some space inbetween the situation and my response so I can think it through and most of the time hold myself back from reacting, or if I do react it is a lot more considered.

I used to go beserk if someone didn't text me back, it still rattles my cage but I'm able to think 'maybe they are busy' rather than 'they have decided I am a tosser and want to reject me' now.

Liking myself helps a lot, as now if someone doesn't like me I have the maturity/recovery to think well that's just their opinion, I still like me! Whereas before it was THE truth, if they didn't like me it was confirmation that I was A BAD PERSON, so I would get very upset and either reject them myself or lash out and get proper rejected.

Strange how what we believe about ourselves plays out in our reality.