I'm autistic, ask me anything

[AyEssDee]

have you considered writing or academia as a career degustibus, plenty of self determination there. Also software testing and systems analysis is said to be a good fit.

I had to google executive function - another thing that fits - myself and DD have very poor impulse control. Hers is around sugary food (or junk food in general) and I have that but as an adult I've added more vices.

Can't take her into shops - because she wants everything.

I didn't realize that was linked to HF Autism, interesting...!

Actually I've worked in scientific research at Melbourne university then Oxbridge since graduating. I had my DTDs some years back and about 18 months ago I got completely overwhelmed and burnt out. I'm hopefully now at the tail end of a breakdown 😔

The thing that really annoys me is that if I was male, I would probably have been left to focus on work and nothing else, and whilst twattish it wouldn't have been seen as that abnormal. Because I'm female and carry the family 'mental load'.... it's basically broken me.

https://taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/2015/07/10/assessing-the-behaviors-traits-and-abilities-of-young-females-on-the-autism-spectrum/

Ahhhhh, yes my DH is facilitated and he’s really struggled since we had dc, but is still hanging onto his academic career, i’m sure you are right about that.

Are you moving closer to wider family support when you go home? The other issue with academic lives is that they often require relocating and losing your network which increases the mental load considerably.

I would have been a much more successful man! Mind you, DH might have done better with a better SAHP as I’ve worked ft and struggled to maintain my career with many fights about it for nearly 10 years and driven him crazy with my demands.

Are you with someone who’s similarly career focused?

Thanks for the link - I’d seen this and it was so interesting - overly meticulous about clothes was a lightbulb moment as it’s not a trait people often associate with autism but my dd has been obsessed with anything you can put on your body in a very fundamental way since she was 2.

She would not put on trousers from 2-5, it had to be a dress or a skirt.

I chewed a hole in a pinafore I didn't want to wear when I was 2 😂

Yes DH works in science too; I'm of two minds yet whether he's also on the spectrum. The trouble with academia is we're not left alone enough to discover things. The wonderful thing about academia is that most people there totally accepted me for who I am. That being said there's ridiculous pressure to churn out papers and work exceptionally family unfriendly hours. 😔. At least in oz I have a mortgage and rent free house that we'll be able to work for ourselves from.

That’s exactly it, it’s a nice fit in some ways, I do not think my DH could do much else because he loathes interacting and would most likely tell a boss to F off but the pressure to publish for those already prone to work obsessions pushes and pushes you to that breakdown.

It strikes me that the OP who is highly educated and 'high functioning' is clearly in a different situation from a couple of the other posters whose children have severe classic kanners autism / low functioning autism?

I think I read in Naoki Higashida's book that he thought high functioning autism was a totally different thing to what he had, so why is it all lumped together? Or is it that classic / low functioning autism is the same as high functioning / aspergers but with learning difficulties / lower IQ?

ps i wondered if fieryginger used to be known as jimjams

I completely agree essex we’ve got low functioning autistic children in both of our families too, the kids of siblings on each side and I haven’t even discussed my concerns about dd with them because I’d be embarrassed to, given the daily challenges they face.

You mentioned that you’d like to do medicine/law - do you think you would have coped with the stress/emotional demands of a job like medicine?

My nephew on DH's side is diagnosed as 'LF' autistic and is the loveliest kid you'd ever meet, in no small part due to the intense work his NT parents put in. As much as it would have been good to have had help when I was younger I was never made to feel 'odd' by my family as most of mums family are a bit 'different'

Yellowcrocodile

No, I absolutely couldn't have coped with being a doctor. Lawyer, possibly, depending on the firm and specialism.

Having a diagnosis, I can now put these regrets to rest. It wouldn't have been right for me, I know that now, and that's ok.

Working for myself writing is perfect for me.

How much roughly does a private diagnoses cost?

Just reading back and Fierys post has made me a bit sad. As someone with a close relative with severe autism I understand how incredibly tough it is daily but that doesn't diminish others challenges either even if they are less severe than yours.
Most people with a disability have different levels or severity. That doesn't take away from others experiences.

Mrs Goldberg - it isn't just a daily challenge, check out the Justice for laughing boy campaign - that gives me panic attacks when i think about the future for my baby boy.

Ah - so zzzz, if fiery is the (high profile in mumsnetland) poster i am thinking of i hope she would not be offended.

I am just wondering if lumping everyone in together under the same diagnosis is appropriate.

I paid £1900.

"There was (a lot) of discussion about the appropriateness or not of one umbrella diagnosis before the introduction of ASD in dsmv."

Discussion between who - parents/doctors/teachers/scientists? was it informed by clinical trials? I would love someone to point me in the direction of the research that said it was appropriate. Who was the sponsor?

It's an interesting one: my NHS diagnosis was "just" autism, which is why I'd always say "I'm autistic".

I was diagnosed as an adult because of some fairly big difficulties, so even though I can walk and talk and am definitely distinct from people who can't (by a long shot), my daily life seems pretty hard compared to regular ones around me in many ways.

I am still disabled - even if not as badly as others, and I think posts like fierys can touch a nerve when it feels like yet another person dismissing how tough life is when it seems hellbent on torturing you more than others.

However, I also see the point; I really don't want to appropriate someone else's lived experience or offend others who see it as "their" label. I asked this in another thread and I mean it sincerely - what would be a better thing for people like me to say though?

Personally I really, really don't like the word "Aspergers" because of the connotation with the man and his clinic (Neurotribes saw to that). I can't get past it or the mental connotations it has.

I can't use "higher functioning" because I've been told off for that in the past, partly because it indicates that others are "lower functioning", when actually everyone has a spiky profile, and intelligence can't really be measured etc etc ... and once a rule is set in my head it's really hard to over-turn.

What's left?