I always think of God as both male and female too. The ultimate non-binary 
- but more that as we are made in the image of God, God cannot possibly be confined to 'he' at all times. God is in fact described as a mother at times in scripture. I try not to use too gender specific language in general, though had to in a book I've written as it was just clunky to keep saying 'God' and 'Godself' all the time. The flow of it necessated it.
Hello headinhands - great to see you. Hope you're well. You said this:
Do you think you deserve to die like Jesus. Do you think I deserve to die like Jesus. And should feel grateful that he did it.
I think the cross is so much bigger than that. I don't think it can always be tied down to each individual in that way (though I do think each individual, including myself, mess up all the time). It's more that looking across the whole scope of human history, we see the most insidious of evil. We see child abuse, we see women being used and abused and discarded, we see genocide and the most vile atrocities committed in the name of war. We see violence and murder. On a lower level but still insidious we see lies, jealousy, anger, pride, gossip - all the stuff that can actually wreck lives. On this overall narrative, we see Jesus dying a death which had to be so stark and extreme; he had to take the entirety of the weight of human sin and sheer evil on his shoulders. For God to simply shrug her shoulders and say ' ok, I'll just forgive and chill out', would not be affording any kind of honour to those affected by any of these actions - it would be letting it go instead of taking it full on and saying actually, I am sickened by this evil but I still love you so very much, so I'm going to do something - something huge and stark - to ensure that you can be forgiven.
For me it's more that the consequence of us falling short is death (not eternal torment in fire, simply death) but God longs to give eternal life to those who choose that. Therefore Jesus' death on the cross was not simply about penal atonement but also about victory over death; he demonstrated that death had lost its power and that we could live eternally in relationship with God if that was what we wished.
Sometimes the message of the cross is narrowed by the narrative of Christ dying for our sons. While that is one huge part there's so, so much more. His death was the ultimate emancipatory action, his life a beautiful demonstration of God's empathy, his resurrection a glorious showcasing of the hope we hold.