I am a Home Educator - Ask Me Anything

[SleeplessinSouthend]

I home educate my 4 kids. Please ask me anything you'd like to know about it.

Why did you decide to do it?

Do you ever crave some time to yourself? That would be the thing I'd find hard.

My eldest daughter had a difficult time settling at nursery and I started to look into the idea of home education when she was 3 as I had a feeling it wouldn't necessarily get any easier as she got older. I knew a local family who home educated and through them I met others locally. I read a few books about home education (John Taylor Gatto, John Holt, Alan Thomas) and found it a revolutionary concept with many advantages. We thought we'd try it for a year and see how it went. Been doing it ever since! (My eldest is now 14)

Bellybootcut, yes, I think you've identified the part I find the hardest. I would not recommend it to anyone who doesn't genuinely like spending a LOT of time with their children. However, 'home' education can be a bit of a misnomer. We don't literally spend all day together at home. There are clubs and classes to attend, we child swop with local families, I have a babysitter who comes sometimes, my husband can work flexibly if we're having a very hard week, and then there is always Netflix.

I do feel overwhelmed with it sometimes though. As I'd imagine most parents do with childcare / work / whatever their responsibilities are.

Will your 14 year old start her GCSE courses in September? Can you cover maths, science, languages, humanities etc with sufficient expertise or do you pool your knowledge with other home educating parents? (Somehow that reads as if I am doubting you - I don't, I just wonder how you cover all the bases).

Someone else has already done this thread and it’s had lots of response and other contributors

I was just trying to work out how to phrase same question without sounding rude @Biscuitsneeded so am glad you got there first!

What is your own level of education?

It’s something I would consider if one of us earnt more. We would lose nearly half our family income if I gave up work.

Kirsten, I didn't know that. I did search before I started the thread and couldn't see anything. If people want to ask questions they are welcome, or they can pass over it if they're not interested.

Stationthirteen, degree level.

Biscuits, that's a longer question and I'll tackle it in a minute!

TheScone, I understand. Money is an issue for most people. Most home educators make lifestyle changes in order to enable them to home ed, for instance, we gave up our car, and family holidays are spent in a tent. I know people who are well off and living comfortably on one income, but the norm is more often a very downsized lifestyle, or two parents working around one another, doing shifts or working from home and earning wherever they can. I know single parents and people on benefits who manage it somehow. I have great respect for anyone who finds a way to make it work in difficult circumstances.

Biscuits, my daughter already took two GCSEs this summer, in Maths and English. With home ed you don't need to stick to the usual school timetable of taking 8 to 10 GCSEs all at once. She's now considering whether to take another year at home and do another couple of GCSEs, or go to a local college where they take home ed students aged 14 to 16, to do a BTEC diploma. I hope she takes the college route as I can't see the advantage in having the extra GCSEs, and I think she is ready for the challenge of college now (she'll be 15 by the time she starts).

I don't personally teach, maths, languages, science, humanities, etc, no - but I don't need to be able to. Each of my children are different, but taking my eldest as an example, she has no interest in languages, so she hasn't studied them at all. If she needs / wants to do this when she's older, she can. We're conditioned by the school experience to believe that everyone needs to study a lot of subjects whether they interest them or not - and not go deeply into any subject, no matter how much it interests them, until they reach the 'correct' age. Home ed doesn't have to look like that.

I don't personally teach any subjects in a formal way and you might not recognise a lot of what we do as education. But my children are learning all the time and they are bright, enthusiastic, and motivated to discover all they can about their passions. It's a big topic, but you might like to read about unschooling or autonomous learning to get an idea how children can learn without a school type education.

When my children want or need to learn something I don't know enough about, we research it together (books, internet, tv) or find someone who can help them (another home ed parent, a tutor, someone local who can show them a skill), or more often, they find ways to find it out themselves and then come and show me what they've discovered. I don't know how they've learned half the things they have! It honestly amazes me. And because it's come from their own motivation to learn, they retain the information and it is meaningful to them. They don't bother learning things they don't want or need to know, so they also have plenty of time to play and relax and muck about. There is huge amounts of mucking about involved.

Interesting. I totally agree that all kids should have time to muck about and also to go into greater depth in a subject if they enjoy it. And it sounds as if your daughter has a plan for her future since she's considering a BTEC diploma. I'm not sure, but I think it's the case that universities (should she want to go to one) don't count GCSEs not taken all together but hopefully a BTEC should supersede them anyway.
I'd be a bit concerned about the idea of "she has no interest in languages, so she hasn't studied them at all" - how does she know she has no interest if she hasn't tried them? Learning a language isn't just about acquiring the vocab and grammar that make up the language. It's about recognising that we are a small island in a big world, understanding another culture, being open to new ideas and using your brain in a unique way that no other school subject can offer. Seems a shame not to even offer that chance. You said that you don't teach maths. How did your daughter get good enough to take a GCSE? Did you get a tutor?
Final question: do your children ever get to do the equivalent of school residential trips, ie trips without you?

We're just moving this over to our lovely new AMA topic!

Thanks Lorna, I wasn't aware of that topic!

Biscuits, I know what you're saying, but I guess she tried languages enough to know that she didn't want to study them. I don't force them to persevere with stuff they're not interested in unless there's some relevant goal at the end. Even then it would be their choice. I hope that other experiences can give her the understanding of other cultures and recognising that we are a small island, etc etc. I personally love languages and enjoy exploring the links between them and the etymology of words. Her brain works completely differently to mine, though, she's much more like her father, who can't speak a word of French or any other language except English, but manages perfectly well in a professional career and seems pretty open to new ideas despite knowing no languages

I don't teach maths unless my kids come and ask me for help with something, then I'll sit down and try to help. My daughter knew she wanted the chance to do the BTEC this year, so she needed the GCSEs to do that. She studied via workbooks, online tutorials, and a local maths club run by a home ed mum which is quite experimental in approach and looks at maths topics in a lot of different, creative ways. I think the club didn't focus much on GCSE topics, but it helped her get her brain into a more mathematical gear, and look at maths problems from lots of different angles, if that makes sense. Then it was just a matter of sitting down with the syllabus and making a list of topics to work through. She didn't get through them all by the time the exam came around (she worked on it quite sporadically for about 8 months) but she was getting passes in practice papers in the month before the exams so I'm hoping she'll get through. If not, she can retake alongside her BTEC if she goes that route.

I helped with any topic she got stuck on, but usually I had to go back to the internet and find a tutorial as I have forgotten most of my maths from 20 years ago. It's amazing what good and clear advice is available for free online. Some really dedicated people out there who share their expertise.

Oh and sorry, you asked about residential trips. My daughter has anxiety, and hasn't been ready for trips away without us yet. She was offered a trip in Europe with her orchestra (she plays the violin) but declined. I was sad for her, but she wasn't ready and there was no point forcing it. I see her getting more confident and independent every year though and I feel time at college will improve her confidence massively. Hopefully the opportunity will come up again, and I wouldn't be surprised if a trip abroad without us might spark the desire to learn the language!

My other kids are too young at the moment but I hope such opportunities come up for them as well. It's not something that is usually organise through the home ed community but through music schools or sports clubs.

@BiscuitsNeeded wrote I'm not sure, but I think it's the case that universities (should she want to go to one) don't count GCSEs not taken all together but hopefully a BTEC should supersede them anyway.

That's not the case, @biscuits. Unis are not concerned about GCSE timings. I've been involved in qualifications support for home ed for 9 years and to my knowledge it's never been an issue. It can be confusing because some colleges at 16-19 say they're looking for exams taken "in one sitting", but on enquiry this has so far always turned out to mean first-time passes rather than resits. However, looking at GCSE exam timings is really just not relevant to unis. The more competitive courses often specify 3 A-levels taken in the same exam season, to demonstrate that you can handle the workload. The vast majority of home-educated children go to college or sixth form at 16 and will have a more conventional path to uni applications. As you say, what is done next tends to supersede the GCSEs.

Home educators usually spread GCSEs over a couple of years because of the expense - exam fees alone are often £150 per subject. We used textbooks and free online resources for most of ours, but obviously if you use correspondence courses or tutors then the cost escalates rapidly. Alternatively, there are now quite a few part-time college courses for home-educated 14-16 year-olds where they can get core qualifications free.

We have a great Home Ed exams and qualifications support network to help parents navigate all this through home-ed, but it's obviously a big commitment!

I'm an almost-retired home educator as my oldest, home-educated up until sixth form, is now in uni, and my youngest children are all in school. We had a good time and made some great friends, because we're in an area where there's a really big home ed community.

I stand corrected on the GCSEs in one sitting idea then.

OP would you say that all Home Ed parents do as you do and engage with other families, groups, organisations etc? Or are there some who choose Home Ed simply because of their own social anxiety, keep themselves to themselves and effectively pass on the notion that the world is a big, scary place to their kids? (Sorry if that is a prejudice of mine but it's one of my bugbears when parents prevent their kids having normal childhood experiences because of their own issues.)

I'm confused, you've never taught maths? Not even when they were primary age?

Hi NewEltham, thanks for the exam info! I didn't know that about resits... my daughter may end up resitting but I didn't realise it could affect her chances later. However I agree with you, universities seem more interested in what comes next. I doubt they'll be bothered about a maths resit 4 years previously if she has a level 3 or 4 BTEC. We'll see. I'm not sure university is where she is headed, anyway.

Biscuits, I am sure there are some home ed families who don't mix with others, but for obvious reasons I don't meet them . All the families we know are involved in local groups and most will be meeting with other home ed families and / or going to after school activities such as brownies, music and sports, several times a week.

I think it could be a bit of a prejudice on your part (we all have them, obviously), because it seems a very odd idea to me that someone would home ed because of social anxiety. Home ed is not an easy option, and I think most parents with mental health issues are keen not to pass their issues onto their children. I have heard of some local Christian home edders who home ed for religious reasons and don't mix outside their own small group, but they're still socialising with each other, presumably.

I think it's also worth looking at the idea of 'normal childhood experiences' and examining what experiences are actually necessary for all children to go through. You asked about residential trips earlier and it set off a train of thought in my head, because I guessed that you saw residential trips as a vital childhood experience, and that set me thinking. Personally I had a 'normal' education and went on several residential trips. I was bullied on one trip and sexually assaulted by a member of staff on another. I don't feel they were positive or useful experiences for me. One of my friends had anxiety (I think looking back she probably had ASD) and it was a painful experience for her to be away from home and surrounded by a completely new environment, in a situation that she didn't choose. I don't believe that any one experience is vital or beneficial for all children. I believe opportunities are wonderful, but that experiences a child seeks out and chooses for themselves are the most beneficial, not an arbitrarily enforced standard of "everyone must go on a residential trip because it's character building."

Stationthirteen, no, I don't teach any subjects formally unless they come and ask me for help with something they're stuck on. Children learn an incredible amount by being in the world, observing, asking questions, and taking part in everyday activities. Did you give 'talking lessons' to your child/ren? After all, learning human speech is an incredibly complex task, arguably one of the most impressive things any of us will ever learn. Or did your children just learn naturally from being in the company of other human beings?

You might be interested in reading about the philosophy of unschooling:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unschooling

Or autonomous education:
www.home-education.org.uk/articles/article-autonomous-education.pdf

We've all been conditioned to believe that education can only take place when it looks the same as what happens in school, but that's not true at all. I know it's a bit of a mind-blowing thought!

Language acquisition is an innate part of being a human. You can't compare that to learning maths. How did they master their times tables for example (assuming they have), what techniques do they use for arithmetic if have never formally been shown methods?

I don't honestly know how they have learned what they have. Have you ever read any accounts of unschooled children teaching themselves to read without being taught? It's fascinating. Personally I did teach mine because they wanted to learn, but I left it later than they teach in schools (around 5 or 6 depending on the child's interest) and I have to say it was pretty quick and easy. However friends' children have taught themselves just from everyday immersion in a literate environment. I find it exciting and incredible the things that children are capable of.

My eldest who just took her maths GCSE did learn her times tables by rote when she was about 12. She wanted to try it as a challenge. But the knowledge didn't totally stick as she didn't find it useful in everyday life, and I think she now knows about 50 of them, maybe? She just sat 3 maths papers without needing to have them memorised, so I think she'll be OK.

My second child is much more mathsy and he seems to have learned about the same amount of times tables as my eldest through playing board games, minecraft, dungeons and dragons, and the card game Magic the Gathering. I'd imagine he'll have them down pat by the time he's a teenager.

I don't know what techniques they use for arithmetic... Arithmetic is not exactly difficult, is it? I expect they asked to be shown how to do it when they wanted to work something out. I don't remember, sorry, it obviously wasn't a memorable event! My daughter used textbooks and online tutorials when she wanted to learn a specific maths topic for GCSE.

Sorry, a typo, it should say my daughter "now knows about 50% of them".

My daughter used textbooks and online tutorials when she wanted to learn a specific maths topic for GCSE.

So in other words she's teaching herself.

I suppose that's great if you happen to have a bright child who can learn that way. What would you have done had your children been of lower ability? Would you have taught them any maths or just felt it wasn't for them?

It may be too obvious to be worth saying, but I'm sure @SleeplessinSouthend will agree - there are many different approaches to home education and we all do it differently. @Sleepless takes the 'unschooling' or 'autonomous education' approach, which is radically different from conventional school, so maybe it would be interesting to do an AMA specifically on Unschooling, @sleepless? I've taken a more mixed approach where we studied maths and languages and music in a structured way, and did other things more flexibly. I also found that what worked brilliantly for my oldest, who loved teaching himself from textbooks, did not work so well for subsequent children. This came as a shock to me as I'd assumed I'd got the hang of this stuff . So the way I described myself as a home educator changed over the years, too. Lots of people start out very structured and become more informal, or conversely, start out very committed to a child-led approach and then end up adjusting course if it isn't working out well for that particular child or that particular family. The ability to change your approach rapidly to suit the circumstances is one of the great plus points of home ed.

I don't know the etiquette of this but is it the 'done' thing for others of us to pile in and give our answers to the questions too? Or is that not polite?