I’m a midwife, ask me anything

[CatchingBabies]

Seeing as this has become a theme recently I’m jumping on the bandwagon because I need a distraction from my new house that is slowly becoming the worst decision I ever made.

Soooo I’m a midwife ask me anything! (Dons hard hat)

How important are vaginal examinations? I understand they are important but what would be the consequences of refusing them? I was induced 5 weeks ago and honestly found them worse than contractions, to the point that after my first one I spent quite a lot of the next three hours sobbing at the thought of the next one and clock watching (I think it was worse knowing when the next one would be and counting down the minutes). I asked the midwives if if I ever have another baby I could refuse the internals and felt very very judged for even asking and was pretty much told it wasn't an option.
Also - would it have hurt so much because I was induced and so not actually opened up? The very last one before I had a section I was at 6cm and it hurt nowhere near as much but that might have been the pain relief

@rubygrace17 yes that is rare and it sounds like she was very lucky but that it must have been very scary for you also. I’m sorry you experienced that. The midwife asking you where do they normally pick baby up will be her hoping and praying that the low heart beat she is hearing is yours and not baby’s and hoping that she is listening in the wrong place. The scan confirmed it was baby’s heartbeat and then it’s a case of get her out while we can still save her.

@tabathatwitchet I love them, they are amazing to go to. Home births outside the guidelines where a woman is high risk can be scary however and I often pray that she will prove guidelines wrong and it won’t all go wrong.

I saw on one of your previous answers that you became a midwife after having your own children.
I've always liked the idea of being a midwife but didn't know how well I'd cope, after having my first baby now and really seeing what midwifes do has just made me want to do it even more!

How did you cope training while having your own children? Have the hours you work affected your children in any way and the time you get to spend with them?

I think if I ever do end up training it'll be years away from yet when my kids are older. It's difficult, it'd be an amazing job but I don't want to miss out on time with my own children too!

@letsallhaveanap you have a right to decline anything you want, including induction and yes your requests would be taken seriously.

Thank you for your reply. I feel very lucky that the midwife acted so quickly and my DD was absolutely fine when she was born. We will be forever grateful.

@brown76, already answered that up the thread. It’s not that we don’t believe them it’s that evidence shows us it’s better for them.

@quilliamcakesspeare yes labours generally get progressively faster, there is always exceptions however. I labour fast also. Mine were 2 hours and 30 mins for my first, 24 mins for my second and 16 mins for my third. I’m not having any more ever!

catchingbabies thanku thats good to know!

@charolais midwifery is illegal in many US states and the US is very obstetric led so midwives are more like obstetric nurses than midwives. I think this puts off many from working over there instead.

I'm 5 weeks and keep getting cramps on and off with no bleading. Feels a bit like period pain. Is this normal?

@CatchingBabies what do you think of a water birth for first baby? I'm 33 weeks pregnant and am not sure about wether to have one or not.

@cornishmumtobe it is true that the risk of eclamptic seizure is higher post delivery and we don’t like women in side rooms for that reason as you wouldn’t hear or see anything whereas on a bay where you are in and out all the time you have more chance of noticing. It shouldn’t be left to another patient to monitor you however although I would like to think that any patient would pull the emergency bell if they saw another fitting.

@toadsforjustice yes of course some women experience pain, some don’t however, everyone is different and has different tolerances and experiences.

@lauraisdiamond that would depend on your reasons for placental abruption, was a cause ever found? You would be monitored closely next time and we would be very aware of the possibility.

Thanks OP!

So, tell us, what's wrong with your house?

CatchingBabies first can I say thank you for doing such an important job - you and your colleagues to amazing work in difficult circumstances.

My ‘questions’ are really requests - any opportunity to raise awareness.

1. Some hospitals and trusts have started to change that they use regarding screening tests - will you consider using the word ‘chance’ rather than the word ‘risk’ when discussing screening tests with women? Such as your child has a 1 in x CHANCE of having (not suffering from) Down’s syndrome. Risk is such a negative word and associated with danger and awful things.

2. similarly when you are working with a woman who has has a diagnosis of Trisomy 21/ anything else either pre- or post- natally please please please remember to congratulate her on her baby, remember to be positive remember that saying “I’m so sorry” will stay with her forever and could colour her view of her precious child forever.

**full disclosure incase it wasn’t obvious 😂😂😂 I have a wonderful 2 year old with Down’s syndrome, diagnosed post-natally. I had generally excellent care from my midwives (and doctors) and I was confident enough to argue/walk away when I didn’t but I have heard some AWFUL stories...

It was a retroplacental clot that caused early labour

Hi!

I had an epidural with my first, and although I'd been to NCT classes the teacher was so anti-medicalised birth that she didn't tell us epidural's wear off and have to be topped up.

When my epidural wore off my m/w refused to top it up. I begged and pleaded and still she said no. I tried to reach for it to press the button myself and she was adamant that my pushing "was rubbish enough as it was, and would be better without it."

I ended up with ventouse, then forceps (including episiotomy with scissors) without any pain relief as my notes said I had an epidural in place, despite the fact that it hadn't been topped up in hours and I'd actually been on hands and knees trying to deliver just before hand, quite clearly not anaesthetised (it was not a mobile epidrual).

I had an ELCS with my second because I had no trust for medical staff (not least because I was already a rape survivor so being pinned into stirrups and having my stuck 9 pound 11 ounce baby ripped out of me by forceps without any anaesthetic fucked with my mental health beyond belief).

How common is my experience?

Thanks OP. I'm so glad and grateful that my DS was and is okay. My midwife was great that day - I'll never forget what she did for me.

@weaselwomble I am disgusted that you have been told you cannot refuse vaginal examinations! Of course you can, it’s your body and only you get to decide who is allowed to enter it. That’s really really annoyed me! Some women find them very painful and that’s not surprising really. Some are more useful then others, e.g. routine vaginal examinations every 4 hours in labour only tell is what’s happening there and then, that could change in 4 hours or 4 minutes we can’t predict that. Some are more important e.g. the baby’s heart rate has dropped I want to feel if the cord has prolapsed and work out which will be the quickest way to get baby out safely. You can always decline routine examinations and say if any other problems occur to ask you and tell you why and you can decide if you’re happy to have it. I have seen a lady have a Caesarean section as she absolutely couldn’t tolerate vaginal examinations and was booked for induction however, there are always other options.

@tinykirst yes sadly it is not a family friendly job. I have gone days where I havnt seen my children at all as I leave before they wake up and come home after they are in bed. I spend more time with other people’s children then my own sometimes 😭

@TTCI I had a water birth with my first as it was lovely. It really helped make me more comfortable. I'd definitely recommend it. My second was born on the bed because there wasn't time to fill the pool and I was surprised by how much more I could feel (beyond the obvious contractions).

@kittymumma yes it can be normal, congratulations x

@CatchingBabies Wow! Did you have yours at home then? Was that planned?