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Original poster

Thrown off Hinge

139 replies

Justwrong68 · 09/09/2023 12:49

I saw a trans woman on my hinge feed with a photo of them holding a "terf tears" cup. I messaged that they should ditch the offensive cup if they want a date. The convo started and I said I wasn't trans exclusionary or radical but didn't think it possible to change sex. I was subjected to the usual aggression and condescension plus links to books about trans journeys. I said I didn't need education on the subject but I sincerely wish you well. This morning I couldn't log in, my account was shut down and was given a link to appeal.
I've emailed to say I've been removed without warning or notification.
They're allowed to kick off whoever they like I assume but is there anything I can do? Surely people on Hinge have varying beliefs...

OP posts:
Ascendant15 · 09/09/2023 15:45

Justwrong68 · 09/09/2023 13:48

I am facetious, but I was clear I'd like a discussion in my message, I was polite whilst keen for a chat about it. I kind of regret it now but that's not the point. I dipped my toe in and now the reality of cancel culture has hit me. I've used their email facility for "appealing", so I'll see what they say.
Unless you've been hiding under a rock you'll know the issue here is that denying the ideology is punishable, the action of which doesn't adhere to a democratic system.

It's a dating app, not a general election or a discussion forum. You contacted somebody you had no intention of dating with the specific intent of disputation. It's got nothing to do with cancel culture and everything to do with the fact that you were spoiling for a fight. You got one. Hinge won.

PermanentTemporary · 09/09/2023 15:14

Leave people on dating sites you don't like the look of alone, maybe.

Original poster
Justwrong68 · 09/09/2023 15:04

greengobbledygook · 09/09/2023 13:55

Believing that people cannot change sex is trans exclusionary.

Depends what you exclude them from. I've heard genocide and eradication bandied about. I want discussions not that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justwrong68 · 09/09/2023 15:02

Calistano · 09/09/2023 13:51

Seriously you did not need to engage with that person. You are bringing a terrible name to gender critical people. I guess tolerance is not your middle name.

GC folk couldn't have a worse name. It's my need for conversation that drove me to this madness. Every question you ask a tra on X, they block you, no discussion.

OP posts:
StripeySuperNova · 09/09/2023 14:58

MermaidEyes · 09/09/2023 13:30

There's actually 4 😬

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Yes, and on the 4th one OP was chucked not thrown!

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/09/2023 14:52

They spoke to someone that was being provocative. Probably more sensible to just ignore them, but it's no big deal.

This. It feels like the male trans person was waiting for someone to respond so they could play the victim.

pickledandpuzzled · 09/09/2023 14:24

greengobbledygook · 09/09/2023 13:55

Believing that people cannot change sex is trans exclusionary.

Not really.

I can believe people can't change sex but think they should be allowed to choose where they belong and how they want to be referred to. Not exclusionary at all.

I can include trans identifying women on women's groups and spaces, but exclude trans identifying men from those spaces.

I could be transphobic and object to trans people dressing in a non conforming way in public, and make spiteful comments.

Believing people can't change sex isn't exclusionary at all. It's just a belief or in this case indeed a fact. It has no value judgement about trans people in and of itself.

PorcelinaV · 09/09/2023 14:16

EasternStandard · 09/09/2023 14:10

Better to swerve and report anything that shouldn’t be there

Yep, but we may find that they have a double standard when it comes to political messaging.

Perfect28 · 09/09/2023 14:16

I think you are wrong to have messaged them and if you believed this image to be offensive you should have reported them instead.

EasternStandard · 09/09/2023 14:10

Better to swerve and report anything that shouldn’t be there

PorcelinaV · 09/09/2023 14:07

Calistano · 09/09/2023 14:01

Are you contradicting yourself? I don't understand.

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I mean you are wildly exaggerating when you say:

"You are bringing a terrible name to gender critical people. I guess tolerance is not your middle name."

They spoke to someone that was being provocative. Probably more sensible to just ignore them, but it's no big deal.

CallieQ · 09/09/2023 14:01

Calistano · 09/09/2023 13:22

Why confront them? The pool of people willing to date them is self limiting anyway. I think you were in the wrong. People are allowed to believe what they want.

I think you were in the wrong too... if you didn't like the trans woman's photo just scroll past/ignore/hide or whatever, no need to comment. Live and let live

Calistano · 09/09/2023 14:01

PorcelinaV · 09/09/2023 13:57

Oh please, it's not a crime to speak to someone.

Yes they should probably have ignored them, but if you want to attack people over their beliefs on a dating site, is that really the place?

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Are you contradicting yourself? I don't understand.

PrimitivePerson · 09/09/2023 13:59

Yeah, I'm not feeling much sympathy here. This is a dating app, and you've messaged a user for non-dating purposes. I don't know quite what you were hoping to achieve, but the likelihood of the recipient seeing the light and changing their ways was always going to be zero.

This seems like a very weird hill to die on. The mug is a huge giveaway to the sort of person you're dealing with here. It's up to the user base to decide whether to date them or not.

I'm virulently anti-Christian following serious abuse in church. If I saw someone on a dating site with a Jesus Loves You mug, I'd steer well clear and carry on with my atheistic ways.

Pick your battles.

PorcelinaV · 09/09/2023 13:57

Calistano · 09/09/2023 13:51

Seriously you did not need to engage with that person. You are bringing a terrible name to gender critical people. I guess tolerance is not your middle name.

Oh please, it's not a crime to speak to someone.

Yes they should probably have ignored them, but if you want to attack people over their beliefs on a dating site, is that really the place?

MargotBamborough · 09/09/2023 13:57

Whilst I agree with you in principle, OP, if you started the conversation then you kind of walked into that one. People have pictures like that in order to be provocative. You rose to the provocation and then they reported you and had you kicked off, which is exactly why they posted that picture in the first place.

greengobbledygook · 09/09/2023 13:55

Believing that people cannot change sex is trans exclusionary.

Calistano · 09/09/2023 13:54

Even kiwifarms has a policy of "don't poke the cow" you really need a look at yourself.

Insommmmnia · 09/09/2023 13:51

Unless you've been hiding under a rock you'll know the issue here is that denying the ideology is punishable, the action of which doesn't adhere to a democratic system.

Absolutely this is undeniably an issue

But this isn't necessarily what transpired here

It could be that hinge deletes every account that harrassess and annoys other members for non dating purposes irrespective of the principles on which they are doing so because doing so specifically breaks the terms of use.

And since when does a commercial business need to be democratic?

A dating app that actively bans users who harass and annoy other users is actually better for women anyway as they are more likely to be on the receiving end of this behaviour

Calistano · 09/09/2023 13:51

Seriously you did not need to engage with that person. You are bringing a terrible name to gender critical people. I guess tolerance is not your middle name.

PorcelinaV · 09/09/2023 13:50

I think it would have been better not to get involved with them.

Just post a picture holding a cup, "trans activist tears".

Or I don't know, "lesbians don't have penises".

You probably still get banned of course.

Original poster
Justwrong68 · 09/09/2023 13:48

I am facetious, but I was clear I'd like a discussion in my message, I was polite whilst keen for a chat about it. I kind of regret it now but that's not the point. I dipped my toe in and now the reality of cancel culture has hit me. I've used their email facility for "appealing", so I'll see what they say.
Unless you've been hiding under a rock you'll know the issue here is that denying the ideology is punishable, the action of which doesn't adhere to a democratic system.

OP posts:
Calistano · 09/09/2023 13:45

Justwrong68 · 09/09/2023 13:25

because I should be able to confront anything I find offensive, i didn't have them chucked off...

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Well exactly confront random people, get banned. You u sound like a muppet. It's fine to dislike an idealogy, not fine to harrass random people.

Insommmmnia · 09/09/2023 13:45

Well yes if they openly admit it's because of GC views then potentially but I think it's much more likely that its because she messaged someone for non dating purposes that they have banned her

They list the possible reasons for banning users as

Harassing, upsetting, embarrassing, alarming or annoying other users

So essentially the OP has broken the terms of use by messaging someone for non dating purposes in a way that has potentially annoyed them.

donquixotedelamancha · 09/09/2023 13:39

unless there is evidence that TRAs messaging GC people out of the blue for non dating purposes are not banned then there are no legal avenues of redress.

That depends on the reason given for the ban.

I completely agree that OP should have just reported the mug and not messaged the owner but if the instaban is purely because of views expressed then there might be some legal recourse.

There have been a few organisations recently who were quite willing to openly admit to discriminating or who've discussed doing so in info released by an SAR.