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Original poster

Thrown off Hinge

139 replies

Justwrong68 · 09/09/2023 12:49

I saw a trans woman on my hinge feed with a photo of them holding a "terf tears" cup. I messaged that they should ditch the offensive cup if they want a date. The convo started and I said I wasn't trans exclusionary or radical but didn't think it possible to change sex. I was subjected to the usual aggression and condescension plus links to books about trans journeys. I said I didn't need education on the subject but I sincerely wish you well. This morning I couldn't log in, my account was shut down and was given a link to appeal.
I've emailed to say I've been removed without warning or notification.
They're allowed to kick off whoever they like I assume but is there anything I can do? Surely people on Hinge have varying beliefs...

OP posts:
Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/09/2023 18:19

if I decide I don’t like or want to date white people it’s still weird for me to find them on a dating app and tell them that?

What if they were wearing a "black tears" t shirt? Would it be ok to confront them then? In your opinion? Or are all prejudiced t shirts fine?

Insommmmnia · 09/09/2023 18:17

*But if someone is wearing a "Fuck Tories" shirt in a photo, and someone picks them up on it, they haven't been targeted merely for their left-wing position have they?

No, they have been targeted for rudely attacking political opponents.*

But in this example if the person who thought the fuck tories shirt was inappropriate messaging the wearer to argue with them (debate/have a conversation call it what you will) about their beliefs they quite probably still would be banned from the platform.

As opposed to if they reported the image to Hinge in the first place

It's like MN banning persistent troll hunters. Yes the trolling is the inappropriate behaviour, but there is a process in place for dealing with that and if its not followed correctly in a way that is detrimental to other users then they can be banned

MaPaSpa · 09/09/2023 18:09

But isn’t it weird to send that message to someone On a dating app? It’s not Twitter, if I decide I don’t like or want to date white people it’s still weird for me to find them on a dating app and tell them that?

PorcelinaV · 09/09/2023 18:07

PrimitivePerson · 09/09/2023 18:01

But it's not a political site, so it's irrelevant. You can guarantee the site is full of people with political opinions you disagree with. It's irrelevant. I'd never date a Tory, but I wouldn't feel a need to lay into someone who says they're a Tory on their dating profile. I'd just leave them alone.

Show quote history

That's fine.

But if someone is wearing a "Fuck Tories" shirt in a photo, and someone picks them up on it, they haven't been targeted merely for their left-wing position have they?

No, they have been targeted for rudely attacking political opponents.

Same as, no one was "targeted" here merely for being transgender.

outsurance · 09/09/2023 18:04

Why do you care if someone else gets a date or not?

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/09/2023 18:03

By deliberately targeting a trans person to be confrontation with because she knew they were trans.

No, rightly or wrongly she found their picture offensive.

PrimitivePerson · 09/09/2023 18:01

PorcelinaV · 09/09/2023 17:51

But they weren't targeting them because they were trans, but because they were showing a photo that was attacking political opponents.

Show quote history

But it's not a political site, so it's irrelevant. You can guarantee the site is full of people with political opinions you disagree with. It's irrelevant. I'd never date a Tory, but I wouldn't feel a need to lay into someone who says they're a Tory on their dating profile. I'd just leave them alone.

PorcelinaV · 09/09/2023 17:51

MrTiddlesTheCat · 09/09/2023 17:28

By deliberately targeting a trans person to be confrontation with because she knew they were trans.

Show quote history

But they weren't targeting them because they were trans, but because they were showing a photo that was attacking political opponents.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 09/09/2023 17:28

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/09/2023 17:06

How was she "transphobic"? Confrontational yes.

By deliberately targeting a trans person to be confrontation with because she knew they were trans.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/09/2023 17:12

Please don't call women misogynistic slurs, especially on the feminist board.

greengobbledygook · 09/09/2023 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/09/2023 17:06

How was she "transphobic"? Confrontational yes.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 09/09/2023 16:52

You were unnecessarily confrontational and transphobic. You deserved to be banned.

popebishop · 09/09/2023 16:52

greengobbledygook · 09/09/2023 13:55

Believing that people cannot change sex is trans exclusionary.

Not sure about that, trans people change gender identity, not sex. The whole definition of trans is that their sex and gender don't 'align' so if they changed sex they wouldn't be trans.

PrimitivePerson · 09/09/2023 16:42

Pixiedust1234 · 09/09/2023 16:39

You were in the wrong. They were on a dating app looking for dates. If you had no intention of dating them then you should have scrolled past.

If they were on X or FB etc and that was their profile then sure, message them but still expectto be banned, but seriously if you were offended by their terf tears picture then you should have reported them to the platform.

Absolutely. It really does feel like the OP was taking the bait and being deliberately provocative, which is very rarely a good idea.

I see people around that I disagree with all the time. Very rarely do I think it's worth confronting them.

Pixiedust1234 · 09/09/2023 16:39

You were in the wrong. They were on a dating app looking for dates. If you had no intention of dating them then you should have scrolled past.

If they were on X or FB etc and that was their profile then sure, message them but still expectto be banned, but seriously if you were offended by their terf tears picture then you should have reported them to the platform.

PrimitivePerson · 09/09/2023 16:36

Their site, their rules. I've been thrown off websites before. I'm sure you'll get over it.

Chalk it up to experience.

Original poster
Justwrong68 · 09/09/2023 16:35

PrimitivePerson · 09/09/2023 16:18

Trans people are allowed to use dating apps. You're allowed to not date them.

Is there a problem here?

The problem is nothing to do with what you've listed. I wanted to discuss whether it's fair to be thrown off without explanation from the company

OP posts:
SecretShambles · 09/09/2023 16:34

Jaxhog · 09/09/2023 13:31

Surely the response to a post you don't agree with is to present a counterargument? Not to flounce off and get the poster banned!

Well in the olden days...

Whataretheodds · 09/09/2023 16:33

Justwrong68 · 09/09/2023 13:25

because I should be able to confront anything I find offensive, i didn't have them chucked off...

Show quote history

And you can, but you can't control how they or the app respond.

You might have been better off reporting the individual for her sexism, but probably best off swiping left and ignoring

Original poster
Justwrong68 · 09/09/2023 16:33

TheOccupier · 09/09/2023 15:55

How did a trans-identifying show up in your feed? Who were you looking to date? I was thinking of joining Hinge but this makes me not want to.

I set it up years ago, I probably put that I was open to everything, I can't check now. But regardless of being GC, I really don't feel comfortable excluding people on a dating app. (I'm bi)

OP posts:
ValancyRedfern · 09/09/2023 16:31

I think contacting someone to criticise their picture is pretty out of order on a dating app.

Abhannmor · 09/09/2023 16:30

Well @Calistano isnt the trans person guilty of the same offence , posing with the insulting message?

How is that relevant to the task in hand on Hinge. Very unprofessional of the site imo.

PrimitivePerson · 09/09/2023 16:18

Trans people are allowed to use dating apps. You're allowed to not date them.

Is there a problem here?

TheOccupier · 09/09/2023 15:55

How did a trans-identifying show up in your feed? Who were you looking to date? I was thinking of joining Hinge but this makes me not want to.

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