Thrown off Hinge

It's obviously not transphobic to object to the word TERF or to say that humans can't change sex.

But deliberately making contact with and antagonising someone who is clearly spoiling for a fight is a silly thing to so in any context.

You started a fight and you came off worse - it's your own doing I'm afraid. Don't message people on dating apps just to scold them and have a go.

It's actually a very good analogy.

Absolutely. Context is everything here. I've seen plenty of people wearing slogan t-shirts in public with messages on them that at least some people will find offensive. Do I confront them? No, because someone antisocial enough to do that will probably also be antisocial enough to thump me if I do so.

Were they in the wrong? Possibly. Were you? Yes. I'm pretty certain there's conditions in the small print about what is and isn't acceptable on the site. You don't get to make snarky comments to people without consequences on that sort of platform.

Why? One place is for food shopping, the other was for dating. Neither place is suitable for a debate such as this.

How would you like to get accosted in aldi for wearing a band or football t-shirt, or even a slogan like "Long Live the King!"

While I agree with you that it was not the best thing to do, that's not a fair analogy.

Can't believe you were called transphobic on a feminist forum for calling out a person using the slur "Terf".
I think most of us are saying it was the wrong platform for the debate. How would you like to get accosted in aldi for wearing a band or football t-shirt, or even a slogan like "Long Live the King!" You would fucking hate it, and if they didn't leave you alone because they wanted to debate your choice you would call the police for harassment, or ask the management to kick them out. This is no different. The platform is for dating not debate 🙄

Can't believe you were called transphobic on a feminist forum for calling out a person using the slur "Terf". The inaccurate term is used as a tool for othering people -almost always women - in order to justify silencing and even incitement to violence. That is clearly way beyond a "difference of belief" so of course it needs calling out.

I'd have reported it rather than engaged, but that's because I'm a massive wimp. I admire you for attempting to engage though.

You weren’t being transphobic and that person is a dick, but you shouldn’t message someone on a dating site unless you’re interested in them. Especially not an unstable aggressive man who makes the fact that they’d unhinged and aggressive obvious IN THE PHOTO.

I think you’re lucky the aggression limited itself to getting you banned. Undesirable men get very few messages on dating sites; they could have fixated on you because you are a source of female attention.

Yes, they were, but rising to it played right into their hands.

Plus, people aren't on Hinge to debate with random strangers. They're there to get laid!

I'm actually permanently banned from Hinge, for something completely different. I appealed and they couldn't have cared less. So I'd say they can probably do what they want!

And the TW wasn’t being goady? Of course they were!

Hinge is a dating app

Nah you went looking for trouble because you were hoping to get a reaction in order to post here for a well done and backslap. You should have simply reported the photo and blocked them.

Even if you had to say something, it shouldn't have been the smug 'ditch the offensive cup if you want a date'. Want a date with whom? You, a gender-critical person? or their fellow TRA, which could be why they had the cup in the first place to attract them. What makes you think the cup would prevent them from getting a date with others of the same viewpoint?

You could have sent a message about the cup, then reported and blocked but it seemed like you wanted a "robust debate" on a dating site. As you've witnessed, it gets you banned.

This all reminds me of when I used to be a hardcore Christian, and would try and save people on a regular basis. It's not really any different. Having a civilised discussion about contentious issues requires consent on both sides, and not just randomly attacking other people's beliefs out of context. That's precisely what's happened here, and I say that as someone who is becoming increasingly sympathetic to the concerns of GC people.

Trans people do have a right to just get on with stuff, and in this case I don't see what harm was being done with them being on the site. They're not deceiving anyone, making any unreasonable demands or otherwise bothering the OP. Sure, they might be crassly expressing a dodgy opinion, but as has been mentioned, there's ways of dealing with that.

I've been a martyr for my beliefs plenty of times in the past, but it's generally not worth it and usually achieves absolutely nothing. Learning when to speak out, and when to shut up, is a very valuable skill.

It's a dating site. It's not that deep. You either fancy them or you don't. There's no need to get into a debate over anything right away, you do that after a few dates if you find their political or environmental or religious are debate worthy.

You wanted a complete stranger to pay attention to you and your opinion. Why?

No, I’m not sure Hinge does have to tolerate that. I’m also GC, but I would never seek someone out to tell them their beliefs are wrong unless they were inviting a debate. Do you also message anyone with a religious affiliation on the app to say they might have a wider pool of partners if they weren’t religious?

It’s probably best the other person is up front about their views, they clearly wouldn’t want to date a GC person (or at least a GC person whose not tolerant of their beliefs) and so the picture would have done the first triage of potential suitors for them…

@popebishop ”ditch the offensive cup if you want a date” - ok, its a written attack, but still an attack using language.

? Which part was verbal?

You verbally attacked somebody - I wonder why you got removed…..
Just ignore people you are not attracted to. Nobody forces you to date somebody you are not attracted to, but attacking others is generally frowned upon.

You deal with stuff like this by reporting it through the appropriate channels.

Yes, I agree that's what she should have done. I don't think what she did was completely beyond the pale though, just misguided. It was obvious that she would be the one penalised.

Maybe, but I was responding on the specific issue of whether someone was "transphobic".

You deal with stuff like this by reporting it through the appropriate channels.