Thrown off Hinge

@newhere24 "the woman on Hinge" was a man. Since you're so keen on facts!

I guess you really must be new here, newhere24. Nonetheless it doesn't seem to have dented your confidence to supply us with "facts".

"Fact" 1 is curious! You thought feminists coined the term TERF? It would be most unusual if true (it's not, obvs). Perhaps you were unaware that disadvantaged groups do sometimes reclaim slurs, but quite obviously that differs vastly from the slur being used against the group, with the same malicious intent with which the slur was coined.

Feminists did coin PERF as a more accurate acronym. P standing for Penis. Perhaps that's what confused you instead.

"Fact" 2 the transwoman was being criticised not for being trans, but for using a slur created with the purpose of othering feminist women, thus legitimising the violent threats and silencing they receive. See my response to "fact" one. There are plenty of reclaimed slurs that are certainly not ok if used, you know, as a slur. Trans may be a minority group, much like other belief systems, but the power differentials in the world of dating are always stacked in the male's favour, whatever they believe in.

"Fact" 3. Personally I admire people who call out genuine bigotry as OP did. But I take on board the suggestion that dating sites aren't the place. Of course, dating sites aren't the place for misogynist slurs either.

Fact 1: there is s group of people referring to themselves as Terfs. they coined the term, some are still using it
Fact 2: the woman on hinge belongs to a minority group attacked by terfs and made it very clear she doesn’t like them
Fact 3: the op contacted the other woman on a dating app to tell her she isn’t interested in her because the other wiman isn’t keen on terfs
The op says she is no terf, but objects to somebody using a name for a group that the same group proudly uses to refer to themselves (at least end of 2022 some prominent figures in this group still did). very confusing.

@Justwrong68 I know because you broke their easily accessible published terms of use

You can argue it was cancel culture and that people are denying it as much as you want but you broke the rules and you got banned.

Now had you complained about the photo as per the procedure and then been banned then you would have a valid point

@Justwrong68 Just own your mistake and move on.

The OP was clearly expecting lots of back-slapping and congratulations for their moral crusade and resulting martyrdom.

The outcome of this was entirely predictable. If you rock the boat on any website, regardless of whether you're right or not, you'll get booted off. Website operators just want a quiet life and don't have time to look into the nuance of everything. OP committed a clear rule breach anyway.

Other dating sites are available.

The point is we will never know because she didn't do that.

We'll never know since OP chose to start a fight instead of just reporting the photo like she should have.

You sent a message to someone just to have a go at them and to tell them they'd get more dates if they didn't have that photo. That's uncalled for and you are absolutely in the wrong for attacking them like that instead of just reporting the photo and blocking them.

I've never seen one, have to say, let alone use one. But the person. berating the OP seemed to have no sense of the implicit provocation from the Trans identified person.

we all know that such bans are all one way. If a complaint had been made about the Terf sign - What are the chances that she'd have been banned for saying it was offensive?

Because you've told us in very clear terms in your OP that you breached their terms. I posted the relevant section upthread.

A dating app is not a forum.

Its completely inappropriate to message someone out of the blue to scold them for their views.

No, you wouldn't.

So the best approach would have been the report the person and explain to Hinge exactly why TERF is an offensive term about a group of people on the basis of their legally protected belief that humans can't change sex, and perhaps link to some examples of how it is used by trans activist extremists to harass and abuse women.

But because the OP behaved in the way she did, she got banned and lost the chance to have that conversation, and the people at Hinge will continue to think that using the word TERF is completely fine, and didn't the OP just prove their point about what awful people TERFs are.

Not sure anyone comes across terribly wrong here. The trans person's photo sounds nasty and antagonistic, quite apart from the ensuing events. Like the OP, I don't understand why so many trans people seem to go out of their way to make themselves unlikeable. Especially on a dating app of all places, a place where the point is to make people like you. Presumably trans people don't find it easy to get dates as it is.

Boiled down: I was banned for saying sex is immutable. Regardless of who I said it to or what platform, or how entitled you think I am; this is where we are now.

No you weren't.

That's not to say this might not happen on Hinge, I don't know. But in this instance you were banned for breaking the terms of use. The subject matter is irrelevant.

This isn't quite correct! You were on a dating site to contact people you fancy.

Not to have an in-depth discussion.

You should have reported the picture and moved on. Why engage? You were confrontational, same as if I contacted someone about their picture of fox hunting, it's not what Hinge is for. OLD isn't for discussions it's for dating!

Think you've been on twitter too long ;)

On a side note there seems to be loads more trans people on OLD, I'd say one in 20. I often wonder if they get any matches.

Are you being ironic here, and not just totally un-self reflective?

The terf comments are misogynistic.

The person pushing the terf narrative was the person who initiated the confrontation.

When you make politically charged statements on a public forum it is no longer a private matter.

Yes, and what OP should have done is reported the photo and blocked the user.

Instead she picked a fight and immediately lost any possible moral high ground.

Those values of kindness and not antagonising go both ways though

You wouldn’t be able to wear a tshirt with an offensive slogan to a minority group - I assume