Name changing

I am married and have kept my surname. The children also have my surname. I don't think of it as any kind of feminist statement - it is not as if DH has changed his surname to mine.

I genuinely didn't care. I felt that my pre-marriage name was a connection to my father's family that I neither had nor wanted, so it meant less than nothing to shed it.

I quite like the name I have now, I have split with DH but think I'll keep the name, it's a good one.

In my ideal world, we would all choose our own, and they would be meaningful.

i always carry a certified copy of my marriage certificate (not all my id is in my married name). that always works

I have an "observation" in my passport which says "the holder is also known as Mrs first name xxx". I've never had to use it, so don't know if it would work.

The last couple of times that I've travelled to the UK with dc's (we live in the US) the immigration officer at Heathrow has asked how we are related to one another. confused, after an overnight flight, the first time I said we were father and daughter . I was better prepared the second and got it right!

I've had stuff like that happen. It's a pain. I just make sure that if I'm travelling abroad, travel docs etc are in my maiden name because my passport is.

I know quite a few people who did the changing for personal/keeping for professional thing. It used to work but lately they have run into trouble travelling abroad, particularly to America.
One woman I know had real trouble at Immigration because her passport was in her married name but her conference invitation and the conference programme were in her original name.

Re your friend, no harm in mentioning it in a "by the way, do you think you'll change your name" kind of way, but if she's made her mind up, I wouldn't go out of my way to convince her.

One of my friends changed her name for personal stuff and kept her name for professional stuff.

England is one of the few countries that you are allowed to have multiple names, as long as it's not for a fraudulent purpose.

I'm in two minds about name changing.

I did, partly because DH wanted me to and partly because I felt it was a given that any children we had would take their father's name and then I'd be the "odd one out" in the family. (If the children took my name then DH would be the odd one out and that would be equally unfair.)

Professionally, it hasn't had much of an effect to be honest.

However, I'm deeply attached to my maiden name because it represents my ethnic and cultural background. Before people knew a lot about me just because of my name. Now people ask me questions about myself that they wouldn't need to ask if I still had my maiden name. I never had thought about that, so it came as a surprise, and is taking a lot of getting used to.

(I have kept a couple of things in my maiden name, my passport and a couple of other things, just because I can't bear to let go completely.)

wastingaway, our children have dh's surname. They have asked why we don't have the same name, and think it quite funny that some of our friends who aren't married have changed/double-barrelled their names so they all have the same name, while we are married and don't have the same name .

Do you know what she wants to do or are you just guessing?

Could she double-barrel?

FWIW I didn't change mine (dh and I have equally embarrassing names, and when we got married a long time ago I had strong principles ). The only time I get called Mrs xxx instead of first name yyy is at dc's school, and it doesn't bother me that much tbh (it would have done when we were newly married).

I often wonder about this subject, which surname will any children have?

I had intended to keep maiden name as a middle name, but you have to do that via deed poll and I wanted to get my passport sorted for the honeymoon.
DS has my maiden name as a middle name though.

What's an informal feminist by the way?

Is your friend aware that she has the option to keep her name?

well, what does she want to do?

i changed name becasue i really didnt like my last name (has embarrasing connotations in english) and my DH has a really cool surname.

if she asks for your support in keeping her name, then i say give it. if she doesnt, well, it doesnt make her a bad feminist.