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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feeling inadequate about my body because of the trans ideology

222 replies

Starsandmoonlight1 · 16/10/2026 18:59

Hi everyone! It's my first post on this forum because I'm so desperate to find at least some support and to feel seen, I feel like I'm the only woman in world who has this issue and it's so distressing, and since this forum is one of few gender critical ones, I'm here.

I want to say in advance that I have nothing against trans people, I'm fully supportive of them, I think they're people that deserve love and help. But this doesn't align with my feelings about my body. I've always been a little different from other women. Not completely masculine but tall (5'8), fairly straight body type, with moderate body hair. Also I have tuberous breasts which make me feel like I'm not womanly enough because I want to have a child in future and I want to breastfeed but tuberous breasts can be an obstacle in longer breastfeeding. Those all features make me feel less womanly. And it's so upsetting. But what makes me even more self conscious and sad is that I share some common features with trans women. And it makes me so sad when people compare women like me and trans women who are biologically males. I feel like my womanhood is fragile, that I am not that different from a biological male that takes HRT. I'm so scared of voicing this opinion because people would go "why are tou disgusted by the fact that you abd trans women share similar features? Trans women are women!". But I'm gender critical. So for me it's actually all backwards. It's that the fact that a male can realistically change his body to look more like mine and my unconventional features being used to prove that trans women are real women too that makes me so distressed. To the point I actually don't consider i have breasts, even though they're moderately sized and noticeable, I just feel like I'm not me.

I'm sorry if I offended someone. I'm just so sad and upset about how i feel about my body. I hope at least one wan here feels the same. I don't feel seen at all and everything on the internet makes me feel bigoted. Thank you!

OP posts:
Bordercontrol · 16/10/2026 20:35

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Starsandmoonlight1 · 16/10/2026 20:35

FrodoBiggins · 16/10/2026 20:29

Exactly. Stop obsessing over transwomen and focus on getting a job and therapy. Both of those things will make you more attractive to a man if that's what you're really worried about.

Sounds pretty dismissive. I'm being sincere and kind and you're telling me "muh, get a job".

OP posts:
Bordercontrol · 16/10/2026 20:33

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worcesterpear · 16/10/2026 20:32

Also highly unlikely a man would have tuberous breasts. They would either be fairly flat or surgically enhanced, not long and thin.

Bordercontrol · 16/10/2026 20:32

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Hedgehogforshort · 16/10/2026 20:32

Women come in all shapes and sizes, men too.

people can feel insecure about their bodies male or female

comparing oneself as less attractive than a male pretending to be a female is a new one on me.

BackToLurk · 16/10/2026 20:32

Shedmistress · 16/10/2026 20:25

I dont even know what tuberous breasts are. Big, small, long?

Well I’m not Googling it.

FrodoBiggins · 16/10/2026 20:29

TeenToTwenties · 16/10/2026 19:50

If bits of the Internet are making you feel less of a woman, my suggestion is to stay away from those sites.

Exactly. Stop obsessing over transwomen and focus on getting a job and therapy. Both of those things will make you more attractive to a man if that's what you're really worried about.

Catiette · 16/10/2026 20:27

Wondering about what tall actually is, I just googled average female height in the UK, and it's close to my own. So why have I spent my entire life feeling such a short-arse? I've always thought of myself as short! Always!!! Mind slightly blown again, just now!

Maybe it shows, OP - it's all in the perception, and the insidious ways of thinking that creep in over time. I think the big thing in deciding whether to seek help is degree of distress caused. I'm often annoyed I'm not taller (shop shelves a personal affront) but none too bothered beyond that. In your case, a bit of rebalancing the way you think and particularly how you interpret those thoughts and your body may go a long way. Therapy needn't be in-depth on-the-couch stuff: just a way of learning to step back to get a clearer picture.

SilenceInside · 16/10/2026 20:26

You are letting imagined issues take a huge hold in your mind and then you are dwelling on them and reinforcing them with the content you seek out online and starting a thread like this.

Breastfeeding is not something to spend any time thinking about when you are single, not pregnant and not likely to be having a baby any time soon. The possible shape of your breasts doesn't automatically mean you can't breastfeed by the way. Some women with insufficient glandular tissue have tuberous breasts but that doesn't mean that every women with tuberous breasts has IGT.

I find it hard to believe that someone could be gender critical and aware of the sex based differences between men and women, yet also think that they are somehow similar to a transwoman taking cross sex hormone therapy. Or think that you somehow share lots of features with male people just because you are taller than the average woman, and have some body hair and a straightish figure!

Shedmistress · 16/10/2026 20:25

I dont even know what tuberous breasts are. Big, small, long?

Imdunfer · 16/10/2026 20:23

worcesterpear · 16/10/2026 20:15

5 foot 8 isn't particularly tall for a woman. Unless you have a deep, gravelly voice and an Adam's apple I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Not all men have deep gravely voices, women's voices tend to deepen as they age. and like everything, size of Adams apple is on a spectrum and some women will have a bigger Adams apple than men with the smallest Adams apples.

I also don't go round baring my throat on a cold winters day so that people can see my abnormally long neck does not also have a visible Adams apple.

And trans males are having theirs surgically reduced.

Starsandmoonlight1 · 16/10/2026 20:21

worcesterpear · 16/10/2026 20:15

5 foot 8 isn't particularly tall for a woman. Unless you have a deep, gravelly voice and an Adam's apple I don't think you have anything to worry about.

No, I don't. It makes me so sad I'm so insecure but also makes me feel sad for all the women out there who feel the same because of some people using them to crawl into the category of "women".

OP posts:
Theeyeballsinthesky · 16/10/2026 20:19

Starsandmoonlight1 · 16/10/2026 19:29

Same. it's so offensive. I can only imagine how infertile women must feel being used as a gotcha in these debates...

I'm infertile and after a lot of years of TRA bullshit bingo it's water off a ducks back to me

I'm infertile because my female biology malfunctioned not because I'm a man

I note that's it's only ever TW and their aunt Lydia's who weaponise infertlity

however I appreciate that I'm post menopause and give a lot less fucks then I used too

as a young infertile woman I may well have been more upset

Starsandmoonlight1 · 16/10/2026 20:18

BettyBooper · 16/10/2026 20:07

Exactly what I said.

Sorry. As I've said I'm not a native so I can't accurately distinguish whether what you said was a jab or not

OP posts:
CrystalSingerFan · 16/10/2026 20:17

BettyBooper · 16/10/2026 19:24

Be assured, OP, that I see you.

I really do.

I saw you from the thread title.

1/10.

Like the 1/10. 😂

Meanwhile, I iz old, female, heterosexual, and only 5' 6" , but in the olden days I've been called 'sir' (or maybe son?) in shops when wearing dungarees and short hair.

Get your DNA checked, OP.

Starsandmoonlight1 · 16/10/2026 20:17

Catiette · 16/10/2026 20:11

I know this may not go down well (tone-policing etc.), but... while we've a load of more cynical posters visiting, we're also one of the best (only?!) recourses of this kind for women who feel as OP describes - and there will be some out there.

It feels like a pity if our beloved interruptarons and screen-shot-hunters and derailers succeed in undermining support for the vulnerable newbie (or scaring off people sounding out GC thinking).

When I first read FWR, the patience, care and thought kind of blew me away - above all, though, it was the contrast between that and the sheer nastiness of "visitors" that converted me to the cause.

I know there's still no comparison between that nastiness and the (always wry!) well-deserved caution here. But I also wonder if, while it may be tempting to feel the joke's on us if we don't call Howszat!!! within a few posts, it may be even more on us if we lose what makes this place so fab in stressing we've not been taken in?

I don't give a shit what visiting TRAs think of me.

I do care about women who may be hurting because this ideology's taught them that appearance is what defines them.

And, yeah, I know we've all heard the "women are being mistaken for transwomen" line a thousand times before, but I'd honestly not actually thought of it from the angle OP describes before - kind of like an existential angst eating away at pre-existing insecurities about whether you're woman enough (cos now, of course, trans ideology says there's ways not to be, which simply wasn't a thing before). I mean, I'd read about masculine women in loos and thought about girls who don't like make-up, but somehow hadn't got to the logical extension of this ideology having the potential to really create or aggravate a kind of, well, dysphoria, perhaps, in adult women, too. I hope I'm not putting words in your mouth there, OP.

Yeah, so, maybe I'm naive in that and in the Pollyanna posting philosophy (except when my mask slips on a bad day and I get all sarky for a post or two - so maybe I'm a total hypocrite, too!)

Regardless, to OP - or those like OP - I'm sorry, and I'd second suggestions to get counselling, while taking care to ensure you reach out to someone who's not captured by the way of thinking that's making you hurt.

Edited

I actually agree with you on what you said. I don't like the word dysphoria, I just think it's normal for most men and women to not feel associated with opposite sex and when we do, it can feel not so good 😅

OP posts:
worcesterpear · 16/10/2026 20:15

5 foot 8 isn't particularly tall for a woman. Unless you have a deep, gravelly voice and an Adam's apple I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Imdunfer · 16/10/2026 20:13

Catiette · 16/10/2026 20:11

I know this may not go down well (tone-policing etc.), but... while we've a load of more cynical posters visiting, we're also one of the best (only?!) recourses of this kind for women who feel as OP describes - and there will be some out there.

It feels like a pity if our beloved interruptarons and screen-shot-hunters and derailers succeed in undermining support for the vulnerable newbie (or scaring off people sounding out GC thinking).

When I first read FWR, the patience, care and thought kind of blew me away - above all, though, it was the contrast between that and the sheer nastiness of "visitors" that converted me to the cause.

I know there's still no comparison between that nastiness and the (always wry!) well-deserved caution here. But I also wonder if, while it may be tempting to feel the joke's on us if we don't call Howszat!!! within a few posts, it may be even more on us if we lose what makes this place so fab in stressing we've not been taken in?

I don't give a shit what visiting TRAs think of me.

I do care about women who may be hurting because this ideology's taught them that appearance is what defines them.

And, yeah, I know we've all heard the "women are being mistaken for transwomen" line a thousand times before, but I'd honestly not actually thought of it from the angle OP describes before - kind of like an existential angst eating away at pre-existing insecurities about whether you're woman enough (cos now, of course, trans ideology says there's ways not to be, which simply wasn't a thing before). I mean, I'd read about masculine women in loos and thought about girls who don't like make-up, but somehow hadn't got to the logical extension of this ideology having the potential to really create or aggravate a kind of, well, dysphoria, perhaps, in adult women, too. I hope I'm not putting words in your mouth there, OP.

Yeah, so, maybe I'm naive in that and in the Pollyanna posting philosophy (except when my mask slips on a bad day and I get all sarky for a post or two - so maybe I'm a total hypocrite, too!)

Regardless, to OP - or those like OP - I'm sorry, and I'd second suggestions to get counselling, while taking care to ensure you reach out to someone who's not captured by the way of thinking that's making you hurt.

Edited

This a million times.

Starsandmoonlight1 · 16/10/2026 20:12

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

From what i remember it was once by my mom. I was in a beanie and a coat and she said from the distance she thought it was a young man.

It might sound ridiculous but I'm completely sincere with my discomfort

OP posts:
Catiette · 16/10/2026 20:11

I know this may not go down well (tone-policing etc.), but... while we've a load of more cynical posters visiting, we're also one of the best (only?!) recourses of this kind for women who feel as OP describes - and there will be some out there.

It feels like a pity if our beloved interruptarons and screen-shot-hunters and derailers succeed in undermining support for the vulnerable newbie (or scaring off people sounding out GC thinking).

When I first read FWR, the patience, care and thought kind of blew me away - above all, though, it was the contrast between that and the sheer nastiness of "visitors" that converted me to the cause.

I know there's still no comparison between that nastiness and the (always wry!) well-deserved caution here. But I also wonder if, while it may be tempting to feel the joke's on us if we don't call Howszat!!! within a few posts, it may be even more on us if we lose what makes this place so fab in stressing we've not been taken in?

I don't give a shit what visiting TRAs think of me.

I do care about women who may be hurting because this ideology's taught them that appearance is what defines them.

And, yeah, I know we've all heard the "women are being mistaken for transwomen" line a thousand times before, but I'd honestly not actually thought of it from the angle OP describes before - kind of like an existential angst eating away at pre-existing insecurities about whether you're woman enough (cos now, of course, trans ideology says there's ways not to be, which simply wasn't a thing before). I mean, I'd read about masculine women in loos and thought about girls who don't like make-up, but somehow hadn't got to the logical extension of this ideology having the potential to really create or aggravate a kind of, well, dysphoria, perhaps, in adult women, too. I hope I'm not putting words in your mouth there, OP.

Yeah, so, maybe I'm naive in that and in the Pollyanna posting philosophy (except when my mask slips on a bad day and I get all sarky for a post or two - so maybe I'm a total hypocrite, too!)

Regardless, to OP - or those like OP - I'm sorry, and I'd second suggestions to get counselling, while taking care to ensure you reach out to someone who's not captured by the way of thinking that's making you hurt.

Starsandmoonlight1 · 16/10/2026 20:10

TeenToTwenties · 16/10/2026 19:50

If bits of the Internet are making you feel less of a woman, my suggestion is to stay away from those sites.

I also think so but at the same time i feel like what if it's reality? And I'm just hiding from unpleasant truths. Although certain corners of the internet make me feel disgusted, particularly because of how womanhood is perceived there, it makes me feel nauseous and at the same time wonder "what if I'm bigoted? What if i shouldn't feel this way?"

OP posts:
Bordercontrol · 16/10/2026 20:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BettyBooper · 16/10/2026 20:07

Starsandmoonlight1 · 16/10/2026 20:03

What do you mean?

Exactly what I said.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 16/10/2026 20:05

BackToLurk · 16/10/2026 19:38

It’s lovely that so many ‘new’ and ‘first-time’ posters find the courage to start threads here. Just heart warming.

Yes, isn't it!
Grin