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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feeling inadequate about my body because of the trans ideology

222 replies

Starsandmoonlight1 · 16/10/2026 18:59

Hi everyone! It's my first post on this forum because I'm so desperate to find at least some support and to feel seen, I feel like I'm the only woman in world who has this issue and it's so distressing, and since this forum is one of few gender critical ones, I'm here.

I want to say in advance that I have nothing against trans people, I'm fully supportive of them, I think they're people that deserve love and help. But this doesn't align with my feelings about my body. I've always been a little different from other women. Not completely masculine but tall (5'8), fairly straight body type, with moderate body hair. Also I have tuberous breasts which make me feel like I'm not womanly enough because I want to have a child in future and I want to breastfeed but tuberous breasts can be an obstacle in longer breastfeeding. Those all features make me feel less womanly. And it's so upsetting. But what makes me even more self conscious and sad is that I share some common features with trans women. And it makes me so sad when people compare women like me and trans women who are biologically males. I feel like my womanhood is fragile, that I am not that different from a biological male that takes HRT. I'm so scared of voicing this opinion because people would go "why are tou disgusted by the fact that you abd trans women share similar features? Trans women are women!". But I'm gender critical. So for me it's actually all backwards. It's that the fact that a male can realistically change his body to look more like mine and my unconventional features being used to prove that trans women are real women too that makes me so distressed. To the point I actually don't consider i have breasts, even though they're moderately sized and noticeable, I just feel like I'm not me.

I'm sorry if I offended someone. I'm just so sad and upset about how i feel about my body. I hope at least one wan here feels the same. I don't feel seen at all and everything on the internet makes me feel bigoted. Thank you!

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SalmonOnFinnCrisp · Yesterday 15:53

MyThreeWords · 16/10/2026 19:43

This thread is slightly strange. Since being moderately tall, 'fairly straight' and 'moderately hairy' are perfectly normal female characteristics, it appears only to be your 'tuberous breasts' that give rise to your anxiety about being mistaken for a transwoman. But why would they? Do transwomen have tuberous breasts? And do they really interfere with breastfeeding??

Agreed

Also to reassure you.... you can likely breastfeed your imaginary child just fine with your tuberous breasts.

DeanElderberry · Yesterday 15:41

OP, breast shape and size vary, women are not defined by their breasts, and do not cease to be womanly if they have to have mastectomies.

DeanElderberry · Yesterday 15:39

Which reminds me of the time I was queuing in the bank and heard someone walking up behind me in high heels and knew immediately it was a man not a woman because the gait sounded distinctive.

DeanElderberry · Yesterday 15:21

Pelvis shape totally effects how women walk. Women walk differently from men, because we have pelvises that will enable us to birth a baby, whichever of the four pelvic types they align to. Our knees and feet are different from men's too. Gait tells the truth, so do hips.

Imdunfer · Yesterday 15:14

DeanElderberry · Yesterday 15:12

Archaeologists can sex ca 98% of human pelvises correctly, which suggests the rate of ambiguity is nearer 2% than 20%.

Add in height, foot size, facial bones, most people are fairly obviously the sex they are, even when covered in flesh and clothing.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phenice_method

Yes but they are using indicators which won't alter how women walk to come to those conclusions.

DeanElderberry · Yesterday 15:12

Imdunfer · Yesterday 09:34

You cannot generalise about all men and all women in that way.

Twenty to twenty-five percent of women, usually the tall ones, have an android pelvis which is no different from a man's. The same applies to every other body feature. I personally have shoulders wider and squarer than many males, as well as the android pelvis.

I get that you want to hang on to this belief because it makes you feel more comfortable to think that you will always be able to spot a man pretending to be a woman.

But not only is it not true, it's insulting to women who don't fit the body stereotype you are insisting they should belong to in order to be a "proper" woman.

Edited

Archaeologists can sex ca 98% of human pelvises correctly, which suggests the rate of ambiguity is nearer 2% than 20%.

Add in height, foot size, facial bones, most people are fairly obviously the sex they are, even when covered in flesh and clothing.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phenice_method

SquirrelSoShiny · Yesterday 13:31

Such a fkn weird thread 😂

JazzyJelly · Yesterday 13:14

SchoolOfCool · Yesterday 10:21

Tbf, OP has probably started wondering if in fact her belief in the world being a sphere is simply old fashioned or maybe just not that important these days compared to the fact that, when looking out of her kitchen window, it does look kinda flat.

But that makes no sense. Reality might be deemed old fashioned or unimportant, but it'll continue existing. Women will continue to be impregnated, men will continue impregnating them. Their bodies will continue to be different. Everybody on earth could be in a coma or have amnesia and gender would be gone, but biological sex would remain.

SchoolOfCool · Yesterday 10:43

I know OP gave herself away somewhat but I find her premise sparks interesting tangents for me. There's no doubting that trans ideology and drag have been so heavily promoted by the media that they've influenced culture.

For me it's a weird one, in that I think I've started to read really heavily styled makeup/ nails/ hair and even heels as kind of a masculine look. This is probably helped by the fact that I live in a place where that's not a dominant female style anyway.

I really like the old Ru Paul quote that we're born naked, and everything else is drag. Because all of these exterior presentations shift with times and cultures.

SchoolOfCool · Yesterday 10:21

JazzyJelly · Yesterday 09:41

Are you distressed by flat earthers? People can believe whatever they like, it doesn't affect reality.

Tbf, OP has probably started wondering if in fact her belief in the world being a sphere is simply old fashioned or maybe just not that important these days compared to the fact that, when looking out of her kitchen window, it does look kinda flat.

Shedmistress · Yesterday 10:18

iloveanearlynight · Yesterday 10:00

I don't understand this. You ARE a woman, every cell in your body has DNA of a woman. Height, breasts etc are incidental. There shouldn't be a problem with breast feeding, whatever shape breasts you have, if you're really keen to do it.

I'm confused about where all this doubt started. It's most odd, OP. Fuck that shit!

For people who say that men can be women, we have no idea whether the OP is indeed a woman. Or a man. Or the other thing.

Its all a real mystery.

iloveanearlynight · Yesterday 10:00

I don't understand this. You ARE a woman, every cell in your body has DNA of a woman. Height, breasts etc are incidental. There shouldn't be a problem with breast feeding, whatever shape breasts you have, if you're really keen to do it.

I'm confused about where all this doubt started. It's most odd, OP. Fuck that shit!

JazzyJelly · Yesterday 09:41

Are you distressed by flat earthers? People can believe whatever they like, it doesn't affect reality.

Imdunfer · Yesterday 09:34

Additup · Yesterday 09:27

But the difference is a feminine man can mince along but his pelvis will still not move like a woman's does. His arms will be longer and shoulders relatively wider. His feet and hands will be bigger. He will still walk like a man even if he tries to hide his masculinity It's impossible for him not to and even if he tries really, really hard his walk will give him away. Look at the model Hunter Schaffer. In a photo Hunter looks feminine but once you see them on the runway its obvious they have a male musculoskeletal system.

I do think transmen ie women can hide it a bit better, but again once they're next to a biological male its obvious.

So no, I'm sorry I disagree. The most feminine man is not going to walk and talk more like a woman than a masculine woman because it's impossible.

You cannot generalise about all men and all women in that way.

Twenty to twenty-five percent of women, usually the tall ones, have an android pelvis which is no different from a man's. The same applies to every other body feature. I personally have shoulders wider and squarer than many males, as well as the android pelvis.

I get that you want to hang on to this belief because it makes you feel more comfortable to think that you will always be able to spot a man pretending to be a woman.

But not only is it not true, it's insulting to women who don't fit the body stereotype you are insisting they should belong to in order to be a "proper" woman.

Additup · Yesterday 09:27

Imdunfer · Yesterday 07:57

We've been through this a million times on this forum. What men and women look and sound like is a set of bell curves that overlap. The most feminine man is going to look, walk and talk more like a woman than the most masculine woman does.

But the difference is a feminine man can mince along but his pelvis will still not move like a woman's does. His arms will be longer and shoulders relatively wider. His feet and hands will be bigger. He will still walk like a man even if he tries to hide his masculinity It's impossible for him not to and even if he tries really, really hard his walk will give him away. Look at the model Hunter Schaffer. In a photo Hunter looks feminine but once you see them on the runway its obvious they have a male musculoskeletal system.

I do think transmen ie women can hide it a bit better, but again once they're next to a biological male its obvious.

So no, I'm sorry I disagree. The most feminine man is not going to walk and talk more like a woman than a masculine woman because it's impossible.

Helleofabore · Yesterday 08:53

In reading your posts, OP, I am reminded just how language has now become so unclear.

You have said you are a woman and want to breastfeed in the future. That could mean that you are a male or female person. Many posters on this board are conscious that in the past, usually on a weekend, the women here have been invited to participate in threads where a male OP has used the answers for his own purposes, while claiming to be a woman. Sometimes these purposes are therapeutic.

I can only recommend that you seek professional therapy for improving your self perception.

Helleofabore · Yesterday 08:43

StealthTroublemaker · Yesterday 06:30

The hormones TIM take do produce tuberous breasts.

This is all too true.

Theeyeballsinthesky · Yesterday 08:01

Well tjis went entirely as I suspected it would

Imdunfer · Yesterday 07:57

Additup · 16/10/2026 22:36

Only if someone can't see or hear properly. Women and men walk (and talk) in a very different way. We have very different musculoskeletal systems and it's blatantly obvious which sex someone is as soon as you watch them move.

We've been through this a million times on this forum. What men and women look and sound like is a set of bell curves that overlap. The most feminine man is going to look, walk and talk more like a woman than the most masculine woman does.

StealthTroublemaker · Yesterday 06:31

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 16/10/2026 23:22

How would you be able to identify a TRA lurker when this is your very, very first post on here?
Hmm

The shark has been jumped 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

StealthTroublemaker · Yesterday 06:30

worcesterpear · 16/10/2026 20:32

Also highly unlikely a man would have tuberous breasts. They would either be fairly flat or surgically enhanced, not long and thin.

The hormones TIM take do produce tuberous breasts.

TransParentlyAnnoyed · Yesterday 01:47

Starsandmoonlight1 · 16/10/2026 18:59

Hi everyone! It's my first post on this forum because I'm so desperate to find at least some support and to feel seen, I feel like I'm the only woman in world who has this issue and it's so distressing, and since this forum is one of few gender critical ones, I'm here.

I want to say in advance that I have nothing against trans people, I'm fully supportive of them, I think they're people that deserve love and help. But this doesn't align with my feelings about my body. I've always been a little different from other women. Not completely masculine but tall (5'8), fairly straight body type, with moderate body hair. Also I have tuberous breasts which make me feel like I'm not womanly enough because I want to have a child in future and I want to breastfeed but tuberous breasts can be an obstacle in longer breastfeeding. Those all features make me feel less womanly. And it's so upsetting. But what makes me even more self conscious and sad is that I share some common features with trans women. And it makes me so sad when people compare women like me and trans women who are biologically males. I feel like my womanhood is fragile, that I am not that different from a biological male that takes HRT. I'm so scared of voicing this opinion because people would go "why are tou disgusted by the fact that you abd trans women share similar features? Trans women are women!". But I'm gender critical. So for me it's actually all backwards. It's that the fact that a male can realistically change his body to look more like mine and my unconventional features being used to prove that trans women are real women too that makes me so distressed. To the point I actually don't consider i have breasts, even though they're moderately sized and noticeable, I just feel like I'm not me.

I'm sorry if I offended someone. I'm just so sad and upset about how i feel about my body. I hope at least one wan here feels the same. I don't feel seen at all and everything on the internet makes me feel bigoted. Thank you!

I honestly think you should talk to someone about your body confidence. There's absolutely nothing wrong with your breasts! Mine were tiny before I became pregnant, and I had no problems feeding my first - but when I wasn't able to feed my second, it didn't make me feel any less his mum.

Who you are as a woman doesn't really have anything to do with trans people. There are roughly 630 cis women for every trans woman, you're relatively unlikely to even notice meeting one.

I frequently get mistaken for a man (my mum insists it's the way I walk, whatever that means) and it's never bothered me. No one else has the right to define me. And I say that as someone who's happy to be finding my way towards a nb identity, yes, but I was always annoyed at people who told me I wasn't womanly enough. As if there's any such thing.

Please talk to a counsellor. You are perfect as you are, but this lack of confidence comes from somewhere (or someone) and needs addressing as it sounds like it's making you very unhappy.

You don't have to fit anyone else's idea of what being 'female' is. Nor does any woman, cis or trans.

One of the happiest days of my life was when my son, who's a trans man, had the confidence to start wearing skirts again. He previously felt the need to perform masculinity - but because he's now more confident in himself, and accepted by family and friends, he wears what he wants.

I hope you can accept yourself for the undoubtedly beautiful person you are. You should never feel you need to fit into a stereotype to be valid, and sexiness is all about confidence. Again, you're perfect. Don't let anyone tell you any different.

NeverDropYourMooncup · Yesterday 00:20

CassOle · 16/10/2026 23:08

How can any of us know for sure if any anonymous poster on the internet is who they say they are, or not?

Sometimes the anonymous poster gives some clues, such as inviting women to share details about their primary or secondary sexual characteristics, likening two variations so diametrically opposed that it's clear that they have never seen or experienced either, switching from florid, lengthy musings to a sharp, absolutely clear dismissal in perfect colloquial language, things like that, really - you know, the tits, toilets and tallness posts.

CohensDiamondTeeth · Yesterday 00:06

BeeHive909 · 16/10/2026 23:35

That too. But there’s only so much therapy can do and it clearly bothers her so much that she’s comparing herself to a trans person . There’s nothing bad or wrong about having surgery to correct a part of us that we don’t like.

It makes me a bit sad that people feel the need to have elective plastic surgeries to alter how they look, I wish people could see the inherent beauty in themselves and realise that what they might see as flaws are things that make them uniquely them.

I also think that a lot of these surgeries are being pushed by some pretty toxic and often sexist messaging that women (and men now tbf) are bombarded with so constantly about how they must look a certain way (subject to regular fashion changes) in order to be "attractive"to the opposite sex. Women don't need to be nipped, tucked, or inflated to be beautiful.

It seems to me that women who plastic surgery have their appearances torn apart just as often as women who don't have plastic surgery anyway.

There's also the danger of those with MH issues running the risk of addiction to surgeries in order to chase a fleeting happiness which can never last because they haven't addressed the underlying cause of their unhappiness.

I think if the OP is genuine, she is clearly concerned that men might not find her breasts attractive. That and the other issues need thoughtful unpacking with therapy.

I just think it's a little reckless to go straight to suggesting surgery as a fix for an internal self image issue to a possibly vulnerable random person on the internet, who, from tone and content might even be quite young.

Catiette · Yesterday 00:01

For crying out loud! This is getting nasty on both sides now. At far graver risk of tone policing than before, and feeling a lot like mum... why not just let it drop?

As the whole focus is on fakery, think of it this way...

If 1) OP's genuine, they're getting hurt right now, so why continue? If 2) they're not, then as hardly anyone's left around who's not been warned (and as carrying on risks drawing in new posters who may NOT realise), then why continue?

If it's 1), OP gets nothing from it and there's egg on your face. If it's 2), OP gets something from it and you're feeding that. Eggy again. Head off, and OP will 1) seek their help elsewhere OR 2) seek their entertainment elsewhere.

I've got my own views - thank you to a range of earlier posts - and headed off. Stupid to drop back in, really (I said earlier I'm a hypocrite!) - but am waiting for hair to dry (which, while true, feels kind of apt, as it feels like an "I was washing my hair" kinda situation).

I totally get the frustration, but threads that get this pointlessly brutal always feel a bit of a pity. Sometimes brutal's needed, often it isn't. And AIBU has both really well covered in any case 😂.

Anyway, I've said my little lectury piece, the hair's frizzing in the time it took to write, and I won't interfere any more (you'll probably be pleased to know!)