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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Adult daughter dating trans-identified male, struggling to navigate family concerns

482 replies

BlueLegume · 18/03/2026 10:07

Good morning all. I am normally rooted over on the Elderly parents threads. Just as I thought life couldn’t get more difficult it has. A week ago my adult daughter told us she was in a relationship with someone who identifies as male. This person was born female - daughter troped out the ‘gender assigned at birth’ nonsense. She has utterly ripped the family apart as she clearly has drunk the kool aid and cannot understand our concerns.

She has a great job, we are normal family where she says she has always felt safe and is loved.

Any advice welcome navigating this. Happy to answer questions but I will caveat this post with the following:

I am a sex realist. I hate the term gender critical.
I do not buy gender ideology. I think it is a term being used to expect society to accept trans etc off the back of the hard won rights for lesbians and gay men.

I do not believe anyone can change sex.

The ‘be kind’ mantra is a weaponised term to justify the nonsense.

Advice welcome.

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Ramblingnamechanger · 18/03/2026 10:18

Does she know any other lesbians? If not I imagine it will take a while to accept herself and her girlfriend.

stargirl27 · 18/03/2026 10:18

How has this utterly ripped your family apart? Your DD having different views to you does not mean she has "drunk the kool aid". She's an adult and will inevitably form her own opinions and act accordingly.

babasaclover · 18/03/2026 10:18

You cannot change sex - you can take hormones and have operations but you are one defined sex. I’m with you OP @BlueLegume

think best way round it is agree to disagree. She might not even be dating them in a months time but might revel if you make it all about the gender argument.

user2848502016 · 18/03/2026 10:16

I think you can be both a sex realist and supportive of your DDs relationship. You don’t have to agree that her partner is a man but you don’t have to make a big deal out of it. Treat them both with respect and just hope it fizzles out naturally like a lot of young people’s relationships.
The hardest thing for me would be using male pronouns- I don’t think I could do it anymore , I would just avoid using pronouns altogether if possible.

TheSlantedOwl · 18/03/2026 10:15

It doesn’t have to rip the family apart. Just be there as usual but maintaining your beliefs. You can let your daughter know your realist beliefs remain the same, and be civil to her girlfriend. My beliefs are the same as yours btw.

BlueLegume · 18/03/2026 10:11

@WaitingForMojo not dramatic. My opinion. My family. You have literally responded with the utter nonsense promoted by the gender ideology speak. Accept what we say or you’ll lose them. I will not be threatened into a belief I do not hold based on my knowledge of reality.

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WaitingForMojo · 18/03/2026 10:09

‘Ripped the family apart’? How dramatic. Accept her choice of partner, and respect him, or you’ll lose your daughter. It’s that simple.