Girls Using Walking Sticks

Gold wouldn’t make a very good walking stick. Too soft, not very durable. Though if it was used by the quirky disabled I don’t think it’d be properly used so a non issue.

I don't know anyone who's ever fundraised for a walking stick. Is this is a solid gold walking stick from Tiffany or something?

Emotional fulfilment doesn't always have to infer the satiation of what we might classify as 'positive', 'life enhancing' feelings, either. if we have fixated or identified with an upsetting or even traumatic experience, or even, perhaps, one of temporary relief from an upsetting experience, then the replication of that feeling ( and the conditions that surrounded it) can bring a kind of emotional fulfilment.

And when you identify yourself with a certain set of conditions and that gives emotional satisfaction, the instinct is to preserve or maintain that identity.

Feelings are critical, I think.

A situation or an experience which creates a pleasant feeling, or which feels emotionally satisfying in some way can be difficult to let go of. One tries to repeat the experience in order to repeat, or maintain, that feeling.I suspect that this mechanism and the drive for emotional fulfilment is at the root of the process of identity formation.

I have a friend ( two friends actually, but here i refer to one in particular)) who tends to express all of her life and emotional crises through dramatic physical disease, malfunction or distress. Her marriage broke up when on one occasion she felt her husband did not take her injury as seriously( or show as much concern) as she had expected.

When she was a child she was taken ill with a life threatening condition and was hospitalised. She recognises that she enjoyed all of the love and attention ( and the drama) that being so ill solicited from her parents and from the nursing staff. Even though as an adult she recognises this - Illness, injury or disease has become a primary way through which she works through her life crises. However, she is very much into self transformation and she puts a lot of emotional energy and commitment into recovering from any ailments she does suffer. She rarely, if ever, sees a doctor.

That is not to discount her ailments when they occur. They are real.

Grayson Perry, in his memoir, tells of his absent father and a brutal step-father. As a child he had a teddy bear who became known as 'Alan Measles'. Alan Measles became a sort of transitional object that contained and represented all of his more turbulent, and delicate, feelings ( I think he'd been given the teddy when he was ill with measles).

It was also around this time( 4 years old) that he started to secretly wear his mother's and sister's clothing. In his mind a little girl would be the recipient of more care and love from others than he felt he, as a boy, was receiving. Boys were supposed not to cry and to be tough. Dressing up as a girl was a way to recreate the feeling of being loved and cared for. As an adult his favourite cross dressing character was initially a 4 year old girl ( can't recall her name). Dressing this way in public also brought him lots of attention.

I think there is a lack of understanding, and why wouldnt there be, that for some people being in a group that is perceived as a victim, or having a victim mentality or being part of a 'community' that either feels or is discriminated against and oppressed is fulfilling for them. It gives an emotional power or satisfaction. Many of us on this thread have cited the service user and client groups we work with where this is their mindset and goal.

No its not normal, which is why its observed and discussed.

I think @TempestTost is using the word in a specific way, in the same sense that cutting gives a form of relief to those who practise it, relief from overwhelmingly uncomfortable and painful feelings.
In this case the relief is that of the burden of feeling alone and unhappy in a threatening world that doesn’t understand one’s despair and being part of a supportive community. And actually, it appears that not only can one “identify into” disability, but that, historically, it’s not uncommon.

A relief to be disabled?
That’s a stretch. It really is. Being disabled isn’t being part of some kind of group, label or identity, and it can’t be just assumed at will. In most societies, it’s a disadvantage to be disabled, not a benefit. Remember Covid? A good portion of people wanted the disabled to be in lockdown for months on end while they got on with life, and blamed them for the fact lockdowns went as long as they did.

So, no. I’m having trouble with this particular narrative.

Yes this is exactly what is happening and where the mindset is at.

It's not surprising to me at all some young people would be wanting to identify into disability, for the same reason they are wanting to identify into queerness, or neurodivergence, or anything else.

One of the things I've found most enlightening about reading material from detransitioners is the degree to which some of these kids believe that being white, straight, healthy, etc, makes them bad people. They have a very deeply internalised feelings of self-hatred and are desperate to somehow be one of the "good" people.

I found this difficult to understand, because it seems obvious to me that it makes no sense. But they have been taught that is the case, and many of them are quite literal, and they also don't know enough about society or history to question the narrative.

It's a significant relief for them to convince themselves they fall into some kind of disadvantaged group.

Quite!

I think one of the major cultural and social themes of the last twenty years or so has been the loss of clear boundaries; and this is effective at every level of society and culture. Ideas around globalisation; open borders; the " you can be whatever you want to be" sentiment; ideas around transgenderism and trans-humanism........Openness and fluidity taken to the extreme.

I read a fascinating book some time ago by Frank Furedi - 'Why Borders Matter' in which he looks at the psycho-social impact of loss of boundaries and borders. All healthy organisms ( from the micro level to the macro level) require boundaries - not only for self definition and protection, but also to help to distsinguish one type of thing from another.

No, it was about the apparent and very visible numbers of young women using walking aids. And given that there is much social/political/media commentary at present about the rise in people, especially, young people with disabilities...it is very pertinent to the nature of this sub forum - which tends to pay particular attention to social trends and patterns in the collective and the shifts in the way people identify themselves.

I can't help but think it's ridiculous to ask why people with EDS or MCAS are able to dye their hair based on a diagnosis you don't have the details of. It's just not generalisable! And honestly, it just seems like a really weird thing to make a point of.

I won't speak on MCAS as I don't have as much experience with it. On the other hand, I have several friends with H-EDS and we all spent our late teens and early-twenties with brightly and regularly dyed hair. We didn't have to spend any particular length of time with our arms raised in awkward positions, because my friends dyed my hair and I dyed theirs! Usually with the person having their hair dyed sitting on the floor and the one with the dye on a chair or even the edge of the bed, in my little university room. Especially in groups where dyed hair is popular, such as the demographic of young women in question, there's often plenty of willing hands with the knowledge and experience to apply a box of Schwarzkopf Live or a tub of Manic Panic! In fact, in my mostly-autistic and disability-friendly social circle, it was just one of the ways we socialised. A regular invite was to come round, watch a film and dye each other's hair. We don't do it as much now we're ten years older, but it's still a nice way to spend way to spend an afternoon on occasion.

I appreciate you meet a lot of these people and that you have experience with some of these conditions, but even then I just don't see how someone's ability to dye their hair, or more commonly their ability to ask someone else to dye their hair, has any realistic relevance to whether or not they're disabled. I can just as easily say that my experience, as someone within this demographic (give or take five years), is completely different.

It seems as petty as it nonsensical a thing to make a judgement on, to be honest.

Fair enough. And no my life/persona is definitely not built round EDS.

The women I’m talking about don’t weightlift. They fight for a diagnosis of EDS (their words) and that’s it, they fund raise for a wheelchair or walking sticks, claim PIP and say they can’t do anything because they have EDS. They give up. Life over.

Different to you. You are living a life with EDS. Your entire personality isn’t built around your EDS, is it?

EDS. Their joints dislocate often. Then how are you raising your arms long enough to keep up the rainbow hair colour? Again, not everyone. A subset.

I have fully diagnosed by a rheumatologist EDS. Normally I am weightlifting 3x a week so yes normally I can raise my arms up fine. Although I don’t dye my hair. Saying that I’ve only been able to do lower body stuff for nearly 2 months now due to really bad shoulder pain on one side. I’m struggling to take tops on and off over my head and struggling to wipe my arse…..I haven’t told anyone so colleagues, etc wouldn’t know 🤷‍♀️. I don’t think it’s fair to say oh if they can do x then they can’t really have a problem. Which ultimately is what you’re saying. It’s nasty ableist rubbish.

We don’t have to be immobile in a chair all day to count as having disabilities as I’m sure you are only too well aware. You’ve posted about your own disabilities on here, how can it not have occurred to you that sometimes when people with health issues are posting a lot on here, it might just be because we’re having a bad day and not well enough to do anything else?

What’s with the hate for the spoons theory anyway?

2 - it was said in reply to someone who specifically said it did not impact them

You are mistaken. You were clearly responding to my post. I have not said that this does not impact me - that was someone else.

4 - still waiting on the evidence on “lots of young women using sticks when they don’t need them”

So far it’s all a presumption based on young women seen with sticks assumed to be not in need of them - yes, that old chestnut that young people can’t possibly need mobility aids. Ha ha.

1 - not a visitor
2 - it was said in reply to someone who specifically said it did not impact them
3 - if you’re seeing a post where someone calls you a disgusting bigot do report it - I can’t see any on this thread

Munchausens-by-internet isn’t rare at all. Search the spoonies hashtag and see for yourself.

Spot on. They’re have enough spoons for an argument if you don’t bend over backwards fast enough.

Which part of wearing dungarees is comfortable though? They’re hideously uncomfortable. How do you go to the toilet?

MCAS is a great example. They’re allergic to everything but not hair dye, tattoos or processed shit food. I’m not saying everyone with MCAS is lying before anyone runs with that, what I’m saying is the allergies can be convenient in a certain subset.

EDS. Their joints dislocate often. Then how are you raising your arms long enough to keep up the rainbow hair colour? Again, not everyone. A subset.

I’ve met young women like this in my job, more than you’d meet day to day. I have personal experience of some of the conditions they say they have. It doesn’t tally with the reality.

Is this like when we were kids and we actually found it cool when we "got to" have a cast or bandage?