New sports club at DC’s high school only open to LGBTQ+ pupils and their allies

You're use the term "LGBTQ+ people" in conjunction with an assumption that such a group won't have straight people in it. That's startlingly sweet and naïve.

For example, it's becoming ever more common for heterosexual adults and teens to identify as q-slur, because they are demisexual. What does demisexual mean? Demisexual means... not wanting to have sex with people you're not romantically attached to. It means not enjoying one-night stands. That is all!

To a large extent kids do this on their own. They have friends with similar interests and talk to them about their lives and thoughts.

I don't think that parents and teachers need to stage manage that.

‘Doing something other than naval gaze is an excellent thing,’

if anything this thread is proof that LGBTQ + people, kids or whomever absolutely need their own grps and space away from the, frankly, batshit imaginings and theories of straight people About what happens at a sports group for gay kids.

Yeah, I can see that. Undecided. Playing devil's advocate a bit to sort out my own thinking.

Also, class not such a good example above. "The Toffs' Club, Friday Period 6 in 210. Minimum parental income required for membership..."😂

(I mean, I guess it's been done with all that Bullingdon bull. And look how well that worked out for us all!)

Silly eg., but it does show how complex it all is, I guess...

So maybe using sport to counter all that is no bad thing?

IF they’re countering it. I’d be worried that they’re reinforcing it.

(Above meant as reply to @Rudderneck at 2210.)

But people bond and socialise with similar people. Nothing's going to change that - it's how we function. Female friendships. Different countries, cultures, ethnicities. Religions. Class. Hobbies. I don't think denying or discouraging this for one demographic is fair or advisable.

I do get what you're saying - that what distinguishes this particular demographic is an emerging sexuality that needs to develop at its own pace, with very real risks associated with a dedicated focus on it in a school environment (eg. premature sexualisation, ROGD).

But I still think that I'd say the ideal is to provide the freedom to join a well-managed group sharing this as a common interest, and to balance this with a whole load of other interests & past-times.

That's where my theory falls down, though - the well-managed: who decides what this constitutes, how is it monitored...? Well-managed right now, for example, seems highly likely to promote the "inclusive" belief that lesbians must be same-gender attracted, with all the potential risk & confusion that message entails.

So maybe using sport to counter all that is no bad thing?

I have no idea what sport is being offered but I am going to say that it is Badminton (for no reason other than to be able to avoid talk about sport X).

I think that encouraging LGBTQ+ children to play Badminton is a good thing because it will get them to take more exercise and will lift their horizons beyond themselves if only as far as the Badminton court boundaries. However, only allowing LGBTQ+ children to play Badminton is bonkers. How will the children who are not LGBTQ+ and don't see themselves as allies but would like to play Badminton feel? Will they be more or less willing to see the child behind the label?

A great way to encourage otherness.

Doing something other than naval gaze is an excellent thing, but I think the best way to do that is actually to join an activity group that isn't centered around your sexual identity. Kids need to have something else.

I can't say I've ever been very impressed by any of the LGBTQ+++ groups I've seen at schools though. I'm not sure why, but they seem to full of bad dynamics.

It seems much healthier to be getting this group of kids to play sport than to sit around eating biscuits and worrying, which is what the LGBTQ+ club at my children's school does.

In fact, please could teachers in all schools encourage children who are getting pulled into the gender woo to kick a ball around and have some fun together?

Wow. Demographic. Good typo. Grr, phone.

@Rudderneck, a possible counter-argument to your “discussion groups, maybe ok, but activities by demon graphic, on balance not…” thinking…

I wonder if an LGBTQ etc. group with sport as an alternative focus to discussion, which can so easily become anxious introspection, could actually be a really effective way to support these kids.

It would be easier for the closeted & questioning to join; invite distraction as opposed to rumination among the the obsessive; help kids disconcerted by their bodies at a difficult time to celebrate their physicality instead…

The focus on sport could buffer the kids against too much introspection & a sense of victimisation; create positive links between their sexuality / gender identity & what they CAN do & enjoy, regardless, as they feel their way through a confusing time.

None of this would preclude discussion, too. But it could shift the tone & focus of that in a hugely beneficial way.

‘I know what you’re saying, but, I’m straight and was told some of my choices in romantic partners was a phase.’

not your entire sexuality though, presumably?

I know what you’re saying, but, I’m straight and was told some of my choices in romantic partners was a phase.

no-one tells a heterosexual kid that them ‘liking’ someone is a phase

no…or that they will grow out of it

to be fair i don’t think anyone said that to ds1, they just said it to me

and the ‘if you keep talking about being gay then you will turn him gay’ ….that was a fucking doozy 🤦🏻‍♂️

‘If you ask a group of 11-18 year olds, innocent of life, not yet really old enough to be fully settled in any sexuality never mind really certain enough to define it permanently’

I knew I didn’t like boys in that romantic way, just as straight kids start getting crushes on the opp sex. No-one has to label or define it, it just is.

though god knows, it would have saved me a lot of grief and angst if there had have been a LGBTQ grp or support network for me at school or anywhere else as a young teen.

no-one tells a heterosexual kid that them ‘liking’ someone is a phase, or something to be ignored or hidden. Or that it’s not appropriate to talk about or feel

The girls in my 11yo's class say that they are lesbians one day, and straight/bi/pan the next one...

OP should trot off to the daily Mail with this ‘discrimination’ they love a straight ( white? That’d be even better!) boy being cruelly treated like this… the gays get all the perks these days, dontchaknow.

I'm fairly sure I knew at 11, but schools promoting groups for a sport asking this is weird.
TQ+ also has nothing to do with sexuality..

I didn't know either way (bisexual). I absolutely wasn't able to articulate that at 11 though.

I think I was about 22 before I was fully certain.

YMMV.

The phrase ‘alphabet people’ is a shorthand that saves knowing the various combinations of letters that have been added to LGB in recent years. It doesn’t refer to gay people, and in itself is not derogatory.

Yes, ‘special’ is sardonic, in light of the inclusion of a range of non-gay people who previously weren’t identified with "gay" (e.g. “A”: those who aren’t sexually attracted to anyone; straight people within “TQA”; “K” for Kink). Some letters have more than one significance (Queer, Questioning; Asexual, Aromantic, Ally). SGL for single gender loving (which also incorporates opposite-sex-attracted people). 2S for Two Spirit. Etcetera. It’s all fairly ‘special’ knowledge.

I know, right?

I remember when it was all fields around here, and people still had a grip on the idea that women were entitled to lives and choices that didn't revolve around making penises happy.

This.