"Dont forget that prior to the formation of the Women's Liberation the word "woman" was used as a derogatory way of talking about biological females. ie "that dreadful woman". Men used girl or lady ie lady wife and ... I cant remember."
I had completely forgotten about that but now you mention it I have a vague memory of being reprimanded as a child for referring to someone as a "woman" rather than as a "lady".
Another vague memory of a discussion with some other children, where we were trying to work out what the rules were, ie. why was it "rude" or "disrespectful" to say "woman" rather than "lady"? What was the difference between a "woman" and a "lady"?
I think I had the impression that "woman" was another way of saying "slattern" or maybe a poor, dirty, raggedy person like a female tramp who you would feel sorry for. Or another impression, that maybe it was one of those rules to do with children having to say things in a certain way to be respectful to grown-ups but they could say what they liked about each other?
Then a bit older, pre-teen/early teens, I have a better memory of some older girls I was friends with being disparaging about use of "lady" as old-fashioned and patronising but that I was reluctant to give it up because it seemed cheeky to say "woman".
I must have become thoroughly reprogrammed at some point though because it has startled me a couple of times recently when I have been with a group of women and one of them, always someone much younger than me, has said something like, "So Ladies, what do we think about this?"
Is that way of talking making a come-back? Or did it never go away and its just that I wasn't hanging out with women who would use "ladies" in that context?
Those vague childhood memories of trying to make sense of "the language rules" and then the clearer memory of being schooled by older girls about what was now acceptable, it reminds me that you don't understand the cultural significance at that age. Grown-ups and older children know that the world is a certain way and you just have to learn and try to keep up.
The point when you start taking your lead from teachers and other children is when you start discounting your parents' views and ways of doing things as old-fashioned, so you disregard them.
This is what worries me so much about the current indoctrination starting at Primary and even Pre-School. It can be reversed, in the same way that I learned as a "middle years" child that it was no longer acceptable to say "lady".
Will "reprogramming" need to come from older children and teachers, from social media and "cultural media", rather than parents? From grand-parents rather than parents?