So apparently I am a hateful bigot. Who knew?!

I was amazed that pubs could offer unisex toilets only so I thought that I would have a look.

My first takeaway is that York is not on my list of places to visit. My casual Google wander has identified 4 pubs that are unisex only. It is possible that these are the only ones but who knows?

The only other borough that obviously has pubs with unisex toilets is Brighton. There may well be others.

What really surprised me is that there is a British Standard that covers the provision of toilet facilities in a public setting: BS 6465-1. Table 11 sets down the minimum provision of male and female toilet provisions in pubs and nightclubs. The BS says that there should be separate provision for male and female users and also lays down the quantity of facilities that should be provided. The minimum is one WC, one urinal and one handbasin for men and two wcs and two handbasins for women.

Bizarrely, the BS isn't mandatory.

Certainly won’t be a female fetish 🥴

Many years ago I was talking to a male ex public school friend, and he said that a lot of men he knew had a fetish about wanting to watch women pee.

It struck me as v odd at the time. But not long afterwards I went for a walk in the countryside with a bloke I didn't know terribly well; I got caught short so went to find a hidden spot in the undergrowth, telling him, "Don't look!" And blow me down, I caught him doing a Peeping Tom on me!

So maybe it's true that this is a big male fetish (there's a lot of porn based around this I think?). It's sure as hell not a female thing, so Beardy was simply confirming his male-ness with this suggestion.

If I'd been sober, I might have asked him why he wanted to watch a woman pee? That might have made him squirm - but maybe not. A 6ft+ beardy in a dress obviously doesn't do embarrassment.

I've never shared a toilet cubicle with another adult ever in my life - only with my own very young at time kids because you tend to have to for logistical reasons.

It's just outright weird request from start to finish.

He was a perv op, that’s awful

OP, does the pub have one of those 'ask for Angela ' signs up (if anyone causes you to feel unsafe, go to the bar and ask for Angela).

If so, you'd expect them to be interested in / act on any reports of harassment.

Actually, she said she was in awe of the intellect. There are a variety of views expressed here, it's not a hive mind.

"Son, let me pass on to you the wisdom I've learnt in my long and successful career with women.
When you join a queue of them waiting to use the loo, well..."

*penis obviously

Seriously? He expected you to validate his AGP fetish? And that's what it was, he would have got off on that no doubt. Almost certainly had a pens. Deeply creepy.

Don't waste a minute feeling at all guilty - you are not a bigot, you have boundaries and he was trying to violate them. He was a predator.

In the swinging 60s and into the 70s, communal changing rooms for women were very common in stores catering to the young and trendy, as I then liked to imagine I was.

I mention this because all the young men I knew would be fascinated by this and ask if it was really true that we all got changed in front of each other. Our answer was usually 'yes, it's true but you all pee in front of each other!'

Even in those comparatively innocent days, men seemed to construct fantasies about what we did together in this enclosed space. It seems to me that 6'4" beardy Dave in his blue dress and red lippy is continuing the fantasies of his father's generation.

Even if my own husband wanted to come into my cubicle I would tell him to piss off! Why the hell would any sane woman allow a perfect stranger into her cubicle, let alone a male stranger?

This was a man playing out his fetish in plain sight and involving unwilling participants, nothing more. And there will be more and more of them, because there is no protection from this behaviour for women any more.
10 years ago a man doing this would have been called out for what he was.
Now we are no longer allowed to say what he is.

But we all still know.

This particular example is sexual harassment and if you deny that you are pretty shameful @ReginaRegina

Yes, I agree with PP that it makes zero sense to share a cubicle. It does not speed things up, you still have to wait your turn. I’ve never, ever shared a toilet cubicle and have no desire to. I know on very drunken nights out, it’s not unheard of for two women to share a cubicle, but generally speaking, women who go to the toilets together are using separate cubicles! Then they might briefly chat at the sink, touching up their makeup in the mirror etc.

Years ago, while out clubbing, a tipsy female stranger behind me in a very busy loo queue asked if she could come in my cubicle as she was desperate. I just said no, you go in front! Obviously socialised to be kind and generous but there was no way in hell I was sharing a cubicle with anyone.

That bearded individual in the OP is seriously taking the piss (pun intended) and it’s not remotely hateful or bigoted to say no to him. You have a right to privacy. Those toilets sounds like a nightmare.

Surely sharing a cubicle could only possibly speed the queue up if it was two men peeing together (and given the increased chance of wee going everywhere but the actual toilet means that’s not a scenario that actually benefits anyone)?

Apparently so!

What did I say wrong?

That no group should be above suspicion, because there are bad actors in all groups of humans?

I really don't understand why that's not allowed?

Did beard in dress just assume your gender?

FFS I want to pee in peace - the idea that I would share with any random woman who volunteered is outrageous. My face would be a picture if any woman suggested that (I’ve done it with a pissed best friend a few times in my teens though!) Even if it was someone I knew, like a work colleague or a fellow mum, I’d be appalled.

If it was a 6ft 2 male with a beard then I would be beyond outraged and actually be intimidated and feel that this ‘offer’ was being made with ill intent. You are not a bigot for refusing. This person was involved in a very deliberate and intimidating power play and probably enjoyed watching you squirm. I would definitely let the pub know just in case they’re a serial chancer.

i was speaking to future son in law last week re what he understood by the term gender critical

he said he thought it was supportive of gender, that people who are gender critical are all for keeping people in their boxes

i say this only because the phrase gender critical means different things to different people and i think it’s important during discussion to have the definitions

Your apparently circular reasoning moreover suggests that anyone who reports sexual harassment by a male in traditional feminine clothing is thereby and by definition GC?

OP states she has been lurking and 'in awe' of the GC posters on here. She's not exactly entirely unaware of the debate.

Well of course. There are loads of men about. Transwomen are pretty rare though.

@ReginaRegina sexual harassment is rife actually. I see it a lot due to the nature of my job. It's very real and very common.

People also said it was very suspicious that the woman who reported Darren Merager for indecent exposure at Wi Spa was a Christian.

Your apparently circular reasoning moreover suggests that anyone who reports sexual harassment by a male in traditional feminine clothing is thereby and by definition GC? And will consequently invent a thing-that-never-happens to support their animus against trans people/men in general?