Peak Guardian: We’re a queer couple looking for co-parents to raise a child with

Why are there so many lacklustre columnists who are so narcissistic they think the world is interested in their personal lives?

Not necessarily different. Although people don't tend to plan a divorce and getting a step parent involved before the child is actually conceived

I think the reason it’s so hard is because all the male friends they could have had the baby with, in the ideal situation you described, were in the surrogacy talk before.

Lesbian probably have to work a bit harder to find someone, now that buying babies has become normalised for men.

In any event, is there any benefit to children living between two homes? I mean, I know a lot of children do when their parents split up but it is generally better for a child to have a home where they are grounded and anchored.

Of course there’s no benefit at all - it’s damaging an destabilising to not have one home. However, situations where you have one place which is their home, but they spend a lot of time at Granny’s, etc, can be really beneficial.

They would have to work out a way for the dad(s) to spend time with the baby, but not separating the baby from the mum for the first bit - visiting and helping out. Then as the baby got older they could look after it for a whole weekend day here and there, then having the odd weekend as it gets beyond toddler age, and then more days during school holidays when it’s older than that.

There would also be benefits to extra input, not just risk of death to avoid, for example, one of the dads, could be an actor, and it turns out that the child has a talent (more likely if this is the bio father) in the performing arts. He could mentor and guide the child, give them the benefit of his contacts, prioritise paying for their acting lessons, etc, etc. This could give a leg up and foot in the door they otherwise wouldn’t have had.

Also it would be good for the child to be able to have a relationship with their bio dad for it’s own sake too.

That poor (hypothetical) kid with four parents. What the fuck is wrong with people.

Utterly grim. I read something like this and feel like Mary Whitehouse. And make no apologies for it either.

I read that yesterday and rolled my eyes. All sounded very self-absorbed. I don't understand why they're finding it so difficult. As others have observed already, this is hardly a new set up. 30 years ago a lesbian couple I know came to an arrangement with a gay male friend and between them they had two children, now adult. The children lived with their two mums and knew from the start that the male friend was their father. He saw them often and they were all on excellent terms. It all worked really well.

Posted my previous comment too soon but completely agree with @Clymene

On a more serious note, Eleanor appears to have spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about how parenting will work best for her and the sum total of fuck all on what would be best for her hypothetical child.

Perhaps you should read the articles @TangledRoots
It seems pretty clear that Eleanor wants a break from the stress of parenting.

In any event, is there any benefit to children living between two homes? I mean, I know a lot of children do when their parents split up but it is generally better for a child to have a home where they are grounded and anchored.

In any couple, there are compromises - about relocations for jobs, career changes, personal ambitions. They can be tricky to negotiate. Doubling those seems like to increase that risk. Effectively asking four adults to centre one child in their life decisions. It's a lot. Things change. Relationships break up. People die. Doubling the potential for trauma seems foolhardy rather than sensible.

A lesbian couple are more than capable of raising a happy, successful, healthy child. The outcomes for children born to lesbian parents are better than those for straight parents.

In fairness, do you ever see that when a regular couple wants a baby?

People have babies because they want them, regardless of their situation.

I have yet to see ANYONE say they're having a baby because they're well-adjusted individuals in a rock solid relationship with steady jobs and an extended family to help and a large enough property and good schools nearby and a motivation to help them learn and sufficient know-how to make them nutritious meals.

Most babies are probably born into less than ideal situations solely because the parents want a baby. I don't see why it's suddenly a problem when it's a less-conventional set up.

Does co-parenting necessarily mean 50/50 shared custody?

In what sense is a child living between two homes optimum?

I am supportive of what they are trying to achieve. It’s annoying that they are incapable of calling a man a man and a woman a woman, but it seems positive and I wish them all the best.

I haven’t read the article and I’m sure the gender identity language doesn’t help but why are posters on here slating co-parenting? There’s nothing wrong with it. 4 (or whatever number) of amicable committed parents is an amazing thing to give a child.

Just copped ...this is an old story. Please ignore . Law probably changed!

This was my thought, too.

I’m seeing lots of “what I want” and not much “what would help a child thrive.”

Is this really any different than a kid with 2 bio parents and then sets of step parents??

This.

This sentence was very revealing though.

“One of the events was a talk on the legal side of co-parenting. Before this event, the room had been packed out for a talk on surrogacy. Then, the room cleared. Just a handful of us turned up to hear the co-parenting talk; mostly women. This was our first sign that this process was going to be much harder than we thought. “

So there was plenty of interest in surrogacy from couples needing to access a woman for reproductive service purposes whilst wanting to avoid being in any kind of further relationship with the baby’s birth mother after the birth. And that room of motivated and interested couples was not female dominated.

But in contrast, the event for would-be parents who did want to have an ongoing relationship with the baby’s other biological parent after the birth had few attendees and was mainly female couples.

Would have thought that opening photo would be enough to put anyone off

I looked on their Instagram and was pretty horrified at the number of well meaning but naive posts from women with existing children seeking like minded people possible perverts with whom they were happy to share their children. OMG, I well know that single parenthood is not a bed of roses but it struck me that it was more about the loneliness of the women than the well being of the children that was the driving force.

They need nannies?