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Original poster

Friend called TW 'man' and 'fella'

108 replies

Zombaes · 08/08/2023 08:25

Just writing this to try and work through my feelings.

I'm very heavily GC. I always thought if I came face to face with this situation I wouldn't 'pretend' this person is a woman.

There was a TW at a drive through, friend driving. Middle aged man, caked with makeup. Very obviously a man.

Driver says 'You alright man' 'Cheers fella' 'nice one mate' sort of thing.

Very, very typical of him. He says those things to every man he talks to.

But it made me uncomfortable because I felt he might upset this person by not validating what they feel.

Which goes against everything I believe in principle.

No I do not believe that person was a woman. No I do not believe we should be forced to pretend he was and use female pronouns.
So why did it make me so uncomfortable that my friends didn't play along, when I always believed I wouldn't either?

Is it's just the years of woman guilt and being told to be 'nice?'

OP posts:
JacquelinePot · 08/08/2023 08:33

Your natural wish to be kind to a person in front of you and not hurt their feelings is how the big picture of destroying women's rights as a sex class and overturning safeguarding in pursuit of men's absolute sexual freedoms is being leveraged.

This

Original poster
Zombaes · 08/08/2023 08:32

Yes he was friendly and polite.

I think I would have avoided using any terms that indicate sex.

He made it very clear that he knew this person wasn't a woman, which I what I always thought I would do, but it made me uncomfortable.

Which surprised me alot as I have alot of angry feelings towards the whole situation.

OP posts:
PatatiPatatras · 08/08/2023 08:30

Are you certain of what everyone involved felt? Because it sounds like your friend was the opposite of whatever the transwomen are afraid of in the gents. He was rather friendly and polite.

ToBeOrNotToBee · 08/08/2023 08:29

Really, this is between your friend and the TW. Your feelings shouldn't come into it.

Froodwithatowel · 08/08/2023 08:28

This is the thing.

Your natural wish to be kind to a person in front of you and not hurt their feelings is how the big picture of destroying women's rights as a sex class and overturning safeguarding in pursuit of men's absolute sexual freedoms is being leveraged.

It's very difficult.

I compromise by not using pronouns I perceive as a lie, while doing my best not to use the pronouns the person would prefer I didn't either. Mostly I use their name, and yes it sounds awkward, but I wasn't the one who chose to face others with choosing between obeisance and performative lying or being rude.

If however I'm dealing with someone stalking into a women's space and excluding women? I've been forced to the discourtesy and I will not be any politer to that person than they are being to the women around them.

Dougalskeeper · 08/08/2023 08:28

Yes, it's just a hangover from the 'be kind' years of indoctrination. Don't worry about it.

matchamate · 08/08/2023 08:27

Why does he always respond in such a gender/sex specific way to people.

Fizzadora · 08/08/2023 08:27

Everyone should stop playing along.

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