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Original poster

Can we chat about reasons for not using trans name and pronouns?

130 replies

Teatimebrioche · 05/08/2023 21:40

In a recent conversation about LGBTQ (well, just the TQ) I was asked if I'd be open to using the new name and pronouns of a trans person, theoretically speaking.

I said that I wouldn't, that it made me very uncomfortable and that I'd feel like I was lying by going along with it. That I didn't like the breaking down of reality and the female/male language and all that entails, and that it blurs boundaries.

But I ended up feeling pretty frustrated as that didn't really cover what I wanted to say and was a bit sound bitey. I just got more and more tongue tied when I tried to go into more detail. I've been trying to write down my thoughts on it since but I feel like they're all just swirling around my head and I can't isolate the thoughts well enough to formulate a proper sentence about it.

I especially feel it's detrimental to use the chosen name and pronouns for kids/teens, but again I can't articulate why even though I "know" why.

I agree with so much of what has been said on this board about it and when I listen to the likes of Helen Joyce, Kathleen Stock etc I find my head bobbing up and down in agreement.

What way would you answer if asked the same thing?

OP posts:
HagoftheNorth · 05/08/2023 22:07

I’d answer that I’d be happy to use pretty much whatever name someone wants to be called by (as long as it didn’t make me feel uncomfortable), but I use sex-based pronouns because it makes everything clearer. Nobody can change sex

I definitely agree that sex-based stereotyping is an integral part of trans ideology. I sometimes wonder if part of the point is to suggest women who won’t conform to sex-based stereotypes aren’t ‘proper’ women

Ohmylovejune · 05/08/2023 22:04

It doesn't bother me what people want to be called, I'll call them by their preferred name. Bob, Kate, whatever.

Pronouns are not really used when with someone are they? Depends if I remember as I'm chatting.

Dombasle · 05/08/2023 22:03

I refuse to bow down to this nonsense.

Fizzology · 05/08/2023 22:01

If a person introduced themselves to you as Laura, even if Laura was clearly male, you would just address them as Laura. That's the only name you've got to work with. And you'd use she/her as that is clearly Laura's intended identity.

You might well refer to Laura as 'he' in conversations with people unfamiliar with Laura. Or if Laura was trying to join your rugby team. Or change in the women's dressing room at the pool.

Even if Laura was 15, you'd probably do the same, unless you previously knew Laura as Jason.

If you are Laura's parent, or teacher, or therapist, you may well take a different view on social transition and the dangers of it. But for most people... I'd just call them what they want to be called.

Pronouns kinda depend on the situation. And whether you can remember!

poorlyarm · 05/08/2023 21:57

I've been thinking about something similar today but find it confusing to understand my own feelings!

Generally find the whole trans thing quite bonkers but also think people should do / be what they want. But I just don't really get the need for the labels / pronouns / using women's spaces etc.

I was thinking, if we didn't have such stereotypes and behaviours for girls / boys, men / women, would people feel like their were the opposite sex so much? Like if people could just interchangeably wear makeup, dresses, short hair, long hair or whatever regardless of sex.. then would it really matter what your pronouns are?

I was also wondering about surgery. Like do most trans people want organs of the opposite sex or is it more about how they want to express themselves?

I don't really know what I'm talking about but just some jumbled thoughts!