Can we chat about reasons for not using trans name and pronouns?

I have a 20 year old FTM.
Male chosen name, uses MX and the pronoun they. This is recent since university.
We have been on this journey for 6 years.
I don't mind the male name which she (I'll come back to that) uses with friends and lecturers but he as a pronoun has caused some serious safeguarding issues. The pp asked what happens when you are expecting a man and get a very obvious women as in my daughter? My DC has been part time job hunting, has been looking for a year. No offers. I think it causes confusion which stops acceptance. If you just say I like to be called Fred who cares?
Recently we have had two incidents of maintenance walking in on DC parcially clothed in her accommodation. I bet you the halls sheet says 'Fred'. A man walking in on a man is locker room stuff, not so a natal female.
The DC had one professor call her a her (still the same chosen name ). They were mortified and fearful. My DC and I had a big discussion about it and she accepted they (used by Shakespeare she told me!). I explained how difficult it is for third parties and the risks to their employment. I never use he and my DC knows why. She is a she and an ardent feminist underneath all the ideology. For decades only 2000 people a year had surgery in the UK. I believe there are now 20000 people waiting, mainly young girls. Very few natal men have the full monty, funny that.

I don't care what people want to dress up as or believe they are but I'd never ever call a man she or her.

I think I'd be hanged, drawn and quartered if I didn't use gender neutral pronouns in a social setting where I live (Canada)!

I am unable to grasp this them they.
A girl we know is identifying as a boy at a young age, 12 years old.
So now I refer to this person as?
Name has been changed to a masculine name.
Would it not be him or is that once they have begun treatments or surgeries?.
Why they them?
No I do not want banned or attacked but an explanations please.

I’m trying to think how often in general conversation I use pronouns at all
maybe it’s not so much of a problem unless you are discussing the teen in a professional role …

I think a name can, effectively, be a lie.

Anyone meeting a Helen or a Jane for the first time would expect to be meeting a woman. If you turned up for a one on one meeting with someone you thought was a woman, but it turned out it was a man, you might feel very uncomfortable or unsafe.

Difficult to say really. For me, it might depend on context. My daughter has various friends who’ve transitioned and there might be little chance of avoiding both name and pronouns when talking about them as to avoid pronouns requires using a name as you have to refer to them somehow.

In addition, the one friend I did meet who I noticed my daughter used they/them pronouns for had a unisex name. I felt uncomfortable enough with the they/them pronoun usage that I avoided it. They/them properly annoys me. The friend seemed lovely though and I wouldn’t want to hurt my daughter, so wouldn’t make a fuss.

But when it comes to arrogant men, who are showing strong AGP vibes, I avoid pronouns and use surnames on here, because I refuse to pander to them in any way. If it occurred in real life that I had to deal with such a man, I think I would strenuously avoid any situation where I had to interact or talk about them. I might use the demanded name or pronoun out of fear, but I would be very distressed by having to do it.

I'd NEVER use 'preferred pronouns', pronouns are the perogative of the speaker. Anything else is compelled speech, forced acquiescence to someone else's delusion

(Mourns the time when being left handed was so special we had a shop in Covent Garden)

True. But when everyone is special, no one is...

Personally, I'd call someone by the name they asked me to use and I'd use the pronouns they requested out of politeness, although it doesn't come up often as we don't use the third person in that person's presence.

If I did decide not to use requested pronouns, I'd assert that I use 'he' and 'she' to refer to sex, not gender, as gender is a fluid social construct and can't be held as an identity or a label.

Makes them feel special

My other identity is bad water colourist, painter in sweary colouring in books, decent cook, cruciverbalist, cat lover and collecter of taxidermy. Pronouns do not help with this.

@davinapple I genuinely don't get why the t is joined to the lgb. Lgb is sexuality, who you are attracted to. T is identity, so totally different.

My identity is short-haired villa fan, lover of cricket, heterosexual woman who has experimented in the past, violin player, wears make up every day, classics scholar, where do I fit.

Why the need to put people in boxes?

I've got nothing against trans people, I choose not to go along with the fantasy, I'm too long in the tooth for that business.

I'm fine with a new name. The pronouns, a hard no. I'd only use them when they weren't there, so how would they know, and have previously done the linguistic gymnastics to use the new name instead in order not to be reported (university). I won't lie.

If you are not there, why do you care what pronouns are used as you don't know? Whereas it is compelling my speech which is not ok.

One of DDs uni friends has transitioned. I'm perfectly happy to use the new name but just can't use wrong sex pronouns.

Being Lesbian and Gay, same-sex attracted, has nothing in common with people who believe they have a gender identity.

But you have to

It's tricky op, because it feels shallow but significant at the same time.

And therefore easy to get tongue tied.

Personally, I find it simplest to just say that I profoundly disagree with transgenderism as a belief system and therefore am not comfortable endorsing it.

You can say it's not personal or about individuals.

If someone is going to pin you down, then confrontation is inevitable tho. But having established that you disagree with the whole 'movement', it's more straightforward to defend that than isolated parts of it.