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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Not the ally I once was. Sad or liberated?

77 replies

Lwrenagain · 01/08/2023 06:34

How did you journey into your feelings and beliefs on the great trans issues?
I'd love to hear your thoughts/opinions and stories on how your thoughts all came together because mine have been jumbled for a long time now.

So I've lurked and occasionally joined in with some threads. Sadly my first one I posted was deleted by the AI I believe MN told me.

I've grown up with kids who had gender dysmorphia from VERY young. I've met kids with it at work also, who've not got the stereotype parents raising non binary kids, I'm talking parents who were actually mortified at the start of their child's journey with their identity.

I have 3 trans pals, the TWomen both struggled since childhood with feeling born into the wrong body. The Tman has the usual story around why a woman, possibly undiagnosed asd would want to change, so I'm not sure about gender dysmorphia, I've never asked if I'm honest.

I have always supported the trans community within reason, I'm not blind to dodgy people or things involving children that make my heckles go up.
My last deleted post was actually regarding the vulnerability of trans kids and predators. (Local paedophile started harassing transgirls who were almost delighted for the attention, in a nutshell)

Anyway, I'm chatting to my friend TW, and she has no desire to encroach the spaces of biological women, she's in awe of women, loves and respects us. Appreciates she's not biologically a woman, but feels more at home in her body after surgery to be in a category of woman, even if its prefaced with "trans".
She won't ever demand to use a changing room with women, or children, she'll often use a disabled toilet as she doesn't want to use the women's, unisex toilets work for her, because they are inclusive of everybody.

Anyway I judged the trans community largely on my personal experiences and now I'm struggling with more and more batshit behaviour each day.
Forcing lesbians to date TW. Erm, fuck off. Very obviously intact males dressing in women's clothes wanting access to changing areas, no. Piss off, my friends who've had the surgery won't even go into these spaces, wtf is wrong with these people? There is no compromise.
We can support people to dress as they wish, tbh if Barry wants me to call him Brenda it's no skin off my nose, but he doesn't need to be left alone with women in a changing area, just no.

My TW friends are devastated that they're being lumped into the category of these (my friends words, not mine) "creepy chancers" and this behaviour is really going to bite transfolk with only good intentions to live their lives with peace, in a body they can relate too, in the arse.

I feel angry, not just because of the way women are being treated. In equal measure, the way there is going to be a huge amount of violence and anger directed to people with legitimate reasons for living in a body different to their bio sex, because predatory males have jumped on a bandwagon to allow access to women, vulnerable ones especially and even more vulnerable, kids.

I hate the lack of compromise from this new wave of trans activism, society needs to adjust to this and provisions made to ensure safety and comfort of everyone, not a single group. Just calm your new tits and accept you can be accepted and live how you wish, but let everyone else catch up, let us build more unisex bathrooms, let us sort out specialist prison wings, sport divisions etc, because it's women taking the knock each time. Not good enough for them though is it? Which makes me think they don't want to be included, they're simply just wanting access to our spaces. Why? Why is that something you feel entitled too? At least meet us half way, ffs.

I've supported in work (back in the old days) men who crossed dressed as it was known back in the day, all struggling to accept sexuality and with intellectual disabilities. But even then, these men had zero interest in using the bathrooms of women etc, it's just terribly sad at a time we could be inclusive of men wearing what they liked, women wearing what they wanted, for sexuality to be as open as free without judgement, society finds a way to reject that, give uncertain people life altering surgery and still quash the rights and safety of women.

OP posts:
Lwrenagain · 01/08/2023 07:15

In all honesty the only cross dressers I've known did have quite profound learning disabilities, so it's not as though I have a huge frame of reference.

Yeah, I'm now only going to advocate for 3 spaces, m/f/u.
I'm lucky that my lovely friends wouldn't attack me for this opinion either and would agree, but if I spoke out to people I know who don't have trans friends, I'd be on the boundary of transphobic for them I'm sure.

I'm not of course, I just want women and children to be safe. I want everyone to be safe, naturally, nobody normal wants otherwise. But lasses and kiddos are need protecting first and foremost.

OP posts:
southbiscay · 01/08/2023 06:59

I'm not so sure at all that the crossdressers of 20 years ago had no desire to use women's facilities - it was just that they were likely to get thrown out and humiliated if they did. Now of course they are stunning and brave and it's actual women who will get thrown out for complaining about a man in a frock in the ladies.

I do understand why men who have gone all in with surgery are pissed off with those who don't make the same investment and who, pardon the pun, have totally queered their pitch. But that's where we are and the only way out is to say no males at all in women's sex segregated spaces.