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Original poster

Struggling to support JK Rowling…

144 replies

NitroNine · 01/08/2023 01:10

…because what sort of actual monster wants coffee [& walnut] cake for their birthday cake?

She even boasted about this [book-themed] bakery beastliness on Twitter.

It was surprise!cake, but clearly not in a Cake Roulette sort of surprise!cake way. Am shaken to my very core & clearing my diary for mad angry crying & performative packing-up of Potterphenalia.

I’m just not sure how to cope with this disturbance to the magical world. I mean, coffee cake. <shakes head sadly>

However, while I consider my position, I’m willing to be gracious & offer JKR birthday wishes as well as Superior Cake. It’s not as if people just have varying tastes & opinions or anything, after all, right? Oh & happy birthday to Harry Potter, too, who obviously doesn’t need to attend the cake reeducation course, because of course he agrees with me.

(Little late - courtesy of internet issues - & indeed little/lot silly. Not inspired by any specific individual, but rather the reflection even now, as support for JKR is trending there are people throwing wobblies because she is a real person with thoughts & feelings & opinions she expresses. And she doesn’t respond to demands/threats/tantrums so people make ridiculous claims about what the characters she wrote [would] think…)

https://twitter.com/jk_rowling/status/1686024491086798848?s=46&t=MY1IHKVfeDY_1v4HEEVDfA

OP posts:
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Original poster
NitroNine · 05/08/2023 13:24

@Sickoffamilydrama
Sometimes I will catch the smell of cakes baking & Proustian-Madelines me right into my [maternal] granny’s kitchen.

OP posts:
IcakethereforeIam · 04/08/2023 23:48

Too right. I've got red pen all over my tablet!

Boiledbeetle · 04/08/2023 23:47

Sublime! I'm having a bad word day to much sugar

Boiledbeetle · 04/08/2023 23:46

IcakethereforeIam · 04/08/2023 23:06

@Boiledbeetle have you thought of taking steps to overcome this irrational lemon drizzle phobia. Perhaps start by eating a madeira cake with a bottle of lemon scented washing up liquid in the next room? If that goes okay you could try opening the bottle and then the door, a crack. If it's too much, try eating a cake while watching 'Some like it Hot'?

I honestly don't know why I hate it, and lemon cheesecake so much. I actually like lemon things, but they have to be the right lemon things.I actually, blows own trumpet, make an absolutely bloody amazing lemon Madeira cake, but it doesn' have anything on my cherry Madeira cake! Which is subline!

Somanyquestionstoaskaboutthis · 04/08/2023 23:17

That sums up all that is wrong with lemon drizzle perfectly @IcakethereforeIam

IcakethereforeIam · 04/08/2023 23:06

@Boiledbeetle have you thought of taking steps to overcome this irrational lemon drizzle phobia. Perhaps start by eating a madeira cake with a bottle of lemon scented washing up liquid in the next room? If that goes okay you could try opening the bottle and then the door, a crack. If it's too much, try eating a cake while watching 'Some like it Hot'?

Sickoffamilydrama · 04/08/2023 23:00

Well now I want cake 🍰 bit not just any cake but the only coffee and walnut cake I've ever liked which my grandmother used to make. She's been dead nearly 10 years and I still miss her and her cakes 😔

Off to reminisce with DH about cake.

Boiledbeetle · 04/08/2023 22:20

Ughhhh. wipes off crumbs from face.

I have successfully completed the cake challenge level one.

I have eaten as entire Sainsbury's Tate the difference coffee and walnut cake since the day began.

What's level 2? (for me, the top top top level would be lemon drizzle cake as that would take an eternity to Even nibble or lick it so if that's level two I'm buggered)

Igneococcus · 04/08/2023 19:36

OMG you can get 1 kilogram tubs of Whitakers dark chocolate coffee creams! Not cheap, but the temptation...

For a moment I got really excited thinking you were talking about Whittaker's chocolate, I'd be extremely happy if Whittaker's Peanut Slabs were easily available in the UK, but alas, that Whitaker is lacking a "t" (and peanut slabs, I checked).

Original poster
NitroNine · 04/08/2023 19:23

Cake & wee fluffy creatures: Hagrid would approve of this thread 😁

Will I bundle up the large volumes of shed cat fur (the cats assure me it’s a valuable asset; the Council graciously don’t include it when means-testing) for you now or later @EpicChaos? If you can have Truvia or Stevia they’re ok to bake with - but no cake = Sad Times. Most cake would kill me dead if that cheers you up at all?

OP posts:
Cheezecake · 03/08/2023 21:23

Mmm... coffee and walnut cake. Mmm... fondant icing. Nuff said.

BernardBlacksMolluscs · 03/08/2023 19:48

Coffee creams are the best chocolates

they have them in the Waitrose quality street knock offs so those are the ones I buy at Christmas. Yummy!

Chersfrozenface · 03/08/2023 19:17

OMG you can get 1 kilogram tubs of Whitakers dark chocolate coffee creams! Not cheap, but the temptation...

IcakethereforeIam · 03/08/2023 19:00

I'll have 'em. Revel roulette hold no fears for me.

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 03/08/2023 18:48

JaneJeffer · 03/08/2023 17:33

I love coffee cake and those coffee chocolates that nobody else wants. Yum

Back off, Jane, the coffee cremes are mine!

I'll avada kedavra you if I have to.

JaneJeffer · 03/08/2023 17:33

I love coffee cake and those coffee chocolates that nobody else wants. Yum

DudeItsPrawns · 03/08/2023 17:29

Bigger question, is coffee AND walnut non binary, given it's two cakes in one? Bi? Demi boi romantic?

Pancakeual? Pan cakes yet not a pancake.

Ourladycheesusedatum · 03/08/2023 17:09

Ah ffs. The only true cake Is lemon drizzle. all other forms of cake may be delicious but never a patch on LD.
Having said all that in a portentous manner, I'm open to free cake, coffee and walnut included.
Bigger question, is coffee AND walnut non binary, given it's two cakes in one? Bi? Demi boi romantic?

SidewaysOtter · 03/08/2023 16:59

How cool are they?! I like baking but there's no way I could do anything as intricate as that.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 03/08/2023 16:40

Amazing biscuits. I am a reasonably cook and baker from the point of view of taste, but I can't make things look fancy (cackhanded). I can only imagine what a dreadful mess I'd make if I attempted anything like that!

IcakethereforeIam · 03/08/2023 16:15

@Boiledbeetle those biccies. Some people are so talented.

IcakethereforeIam · 03/08/2023 16:14

Sorry, Epic I tried starring out the word in my name, but it....well...it just looked rudeBlush

In order to try to atone, I'm happy to gobble up the lemon drizzle that @Boiledbeetle can't eat. A sacrifice I'm gagging willing to make.

Boiledbeetle · 03/08/2023 15:26

https://twitter.com/ThebestFigen/status/1686752022635159552?s=19

Apologies for the Twitter link only. HP amazing biscuits being made

https://twitter.com/ThebestFigen/status/1686752022635159552?s=19

Boiledbeetle · 03/08/2023 01:56

EpicChaos · 03/08/2023 00:51

" IcakethereforeIam

Oh Epic! 😲 I hope it's just temporary
You definitely should sue.

Many apologies for having to split my replies over two posts, for some reason, after i added emotes to the last post, it wouldn't respond to key strokes.
Anyhoo, thank you for your kind words, i shall be suing and have taken the liberty of taking a screen shot of your post to pass on along with Beetles post.
Thank you both, for your very kind support at this very sad time.
Thank you also for the pic of the emergency quokka and other furry friends, i found them very helpful, along with my support teddy and colouring book.

Sadly, no, as far as i know, it's a permanent thing. My sugar intake has to be strictly measured. I am allowed some but preferably as little possible, with an absolute maximum of 25 grams per day. A slice of proper cake would just be too much, i'm very sorry to say.
My calorie count is supposed to be about 2000 per day but luckily for me, i'm nowhere near being overweight, so i have a bit of leeway with that. My blood pressure has to be done twice daily and my 'steps ' all have to be counted, noted and reported.
Oh what fun!
However, on the bright side, i have found some sugar free dark choccy digestives and some low calorie, low sugar cakes but they're not the same.
Still it could be worse but for the purposes of suing the OP, nothing on this earth could ever be any worse than being banned from a nice big slab of full sugar cake!
I'm relying on you ladies of the board, to eat a slice for me at every occasion. Many thanks in advance. xxx

I'm relying on you ladies of the board, to eat a slice for me at every occasion. Many thanks in advance. xxx

@EpicChaos The nice ladies of the board very courageously and with no thought to their hips took one for the team and ate my share of Tunnocks for me every time they had one of their own for three days.

It was so stunning and brave of them that I feel compelled to pay it forward.

Name your poison and I will eat it for you.

(Unless it's lemon drizzle cake then you'll have to ask someone else! I have standards!)

SammyScrounge · 03/08/2023 01:20

PronounsBaby · 01/08/2023 01:48

I love coffee and walnut cake, as long as it's not iced....OhmyGod the horror... Spits on ground and builds bonfire

What is your superior cake out of interest?

But the icing is the best bit! When my Mum was dieting, she used to cut off the iced part of her piece of coffee cake and give it to me. My sister did the same because icing gave her nasty tingles in her teeth. Happy days!

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