Book / tv show recommendations for my boy-girl

How about the Little Princess cartoons? My DD used to watch this, she may have been a little older. The Little Princess isn't Princessy at all she just happens to be one, she's a bit naughty though but just typical child - scruffy brown hair and having adventures round her palace.

If you've got Amazon Prime it's on there, Or Channel 5 https://www.channel5.com/show/little-princess

She sounds a lot like my niece who very much enjoyed a Disney film called Raya about a girl who is a warrior and there is something about dragons, i dont know the whole plot but it was acceptable to another tomboy girl so must be reasonably non-glittery!

She's still a tomboyish girl though, she's 12 now but so far has not declared any trans identity thank god. She's full on rainbow flags though and has a trans identifying cousin. (My friend is a terf, her daughter says we are transphobes 🙄)

My friends daughter spent a couple of years when she was that age telling her Mum to call her a boys name (I can't remember what it was now). I don't think my friend did, maybe once or twice to humour her and she came through it unscathed.

Oh and maybe when she's a little older the Zoey and Sassafrass books are great for getting girls interested in science

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dragons-Marshmallows-Zoey-Sassafras-Book-ebook/dp/B079LP3MXV/ref=sr_1_2?crid=XBBH3LUEUMEH&keywords=zoey+and+sassafras+book+1&qid=1690483488&sprefix=zoey+and+s%2Caps%2C92&sr=8-2

My dd has this book which I love https://www.amazon.co.uk/Worst-Princess-Anna-Kemp/dp/1847388760/ref=sr_1_1?adgrpid=1174279316985362&hvadid=73392659382654&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=131641&hvnetw=o&hvqmt=e&hvtargid=kwd-73392594161685%3Aloc-188&hydadcr=24404_2219366&keywords=the+worst+princess&qid=1690483300&sr=8-1

Princess hates dresses, gets 'rescued' by an idiot prince, teams up with the dragon and goes off on adventures leaving prince behind

George from famous five by Enid Blyton is a well known tomboy character.
Maybe read a few at bedtime story?

There are loads of well known tomboys in fiction. And in real life! Maybe introduce her to some gender non-conforming women if you know any?

These are good books:
Ada Twist, Scientist
Rosy Revere, Engineer
Sophia Valdez, Future Prez
Iggy Peck, Architect
Look Up!

TV:
The new She-Ra (Netflix)
Izzy's Koala World (Netflix)
Wolfwalkers (AppleTV)
Jane's Animal Adventures (AppleTV)
Dino Dana (Prime)

Ever Clever Eva is a great book with a girl who outwits the wolf.

Ridley Jones on Netflix is another great one, but beware... the theme song gets stuck in your head for days!

All the usual mighty girl book recommendations still have girls looking like obvious girls, and then she is just not interested.

They usually have a good main (but not the main main) character? Powerpuff girls, My Little Pony, Sailor Moon, Thomas&friends, Lilo&Stitch? Otherwise just here to commiserate.. I got really annoyed as a little girl in the 80's, now things aren't much better 40 years later.

There is a book called Unicorns don't love rainbows by Emma Adams. Basically it's a unicorn who is essentially a goth and hates all the rainbows and glitter. The message is it's OK to like different stuff from everyone else. Not quite what you wanted but a related message

Dino Dana might have long hair but definitely isn't girly - she wears camo trousers etc and is very into dinosaur facts and play.

The Katie Morag picture books also might work - she runs around on a Scottish island having adventures. Doesn't have short hair but wears jumpers and boots etc and nothing girly.

These might be harder to track down but the Janet and Allan Alberg books are great for girls doing non-feminine roles. My kids have enjoyed Mrs Plug the Plumber, Miss Brick the Builder's Baby and Miss Jump the Hockey.

Transformer Rescue Bots the girl has long hair but is a scientist/inventor and often saves the day.

At 4 she might be old enough to start Minis rugby. Rugby is mixed and focused on skills at Primary school age and doesnt segregate into sexes until under 12s. Rugby is fantastic for girls self esteem as there's a job for everyone small and nippy as well as stocky and strong. She'll be exposed to the older teams too where you will see lots of girls and coaches some with long flowing hair and others with shaved undercuts and everything inbetween. The physicality of the sport, especially once they get older and start tackling is great for girls that don't like the idea of delicate femininity but prefer strong and powerful femininity instead.

Link for you - Little Red https://amzn.eu/d/j1VnVWb

There's also a series of feminist pictures books about fairytales. Little Red, Rapunzel... can't remember others, but they're great at reimagining the tales and putting the female child as the protagonist and hero of her own story rather than a passive subject

Is Nina and the Neurons still on? She's cool.

The Kitty superhero books are good. Might be more 6-7 years old, but a girl with a short Bob in dungarees who has a superpower over cats.

Oh and Daniel tiger on iPlayer is lovely too!

Not quite a narwhal on Netflix might be of interest?

moana, frozen and the sea beast for strong female leads that would appeal to a 5 year old.

howls moving castle and ponyo for stories about external transformation and internal identity

i think feed the imagination and work out what it is about being a boy she likes… i was tomboyish and liked boys toys because they were more fun. My feminist mum encouraged this but actually had a lot of internalised misogyny and didn’t like typically girly things, which left me a bit unbalanced as to what being a girl meant. Maybe let her see “girly” things as fun and worthwhile too, not just strong feminists being one of the guys? (Not saying you do this but these days it’s easily done)

Dora sent me round the twist. It’s so shouty.

There are Pippi movies as well as books!

Annie (80s movie) had a short haired girl in it. Very girly clothes but she’s fierce. Tangled is good at the end to show her character doesn’t change because of her hair.

What about cutting your hair short or her dad growing his hair longer? She’ll see you don’t change with hair length.

I hated pink and sparkly. My Dds only wore pink and sparkly through hand me downs or gifts. One v much embraced it, the other didn’t. Both very different styles still and both strong women.

Hmm maybe Miraculous? The female character has short dark hair, tied in two small bunches so it looks more like a short haircut iyswim. And the male character has longish blonde hair. Female character is definitely the lead and in charge of the various world rescues/villain defeats.

Can you show her animal/non human movies for now, so the gender is less pronounced? (DC are older so these films may have dated. They may have gender stereotypes in I've forgotten about but worth a quick look.)

Ratatouille
Alvin & The Chipmunks
Cars
Madagascar

In Jungle Book the boy Mowgli has long hair...