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Book / tv show recommendations for my boy-girl

59 replies

MiMouse · 26/07/2023 22:44

My DD (4,5) has been expressing her desire to be a boy for nearly 2 years now. She gets extremely excited when people mistake her for a boy. She always wants her hair short. She always wants blue / dark clothes. She wants to play with cars, and dinosaurs, and anything pink or glittery is treated like it might give her scabies. I have just gone along; she likes what she likes, and that is fine.

Anyway, I am not sure where her entrenched gender ideas come from. I know it is not from us. We're not a very stereotypical family. But I do see gender stereotypes in pretty much all media she consumes, and it is so disappointing that we are still dealing with this in 2023. She mostly loves rescue team / police / fireman stuff (Mighty Express, Octonauts, Poli, Fireman Sam, Paw Patrol), and if there are any girl characters, it's often a token character with limited screen time, or she's the team's healer or whatever. So, I am looking for books or shows where girls are the strong one in the team, lifting heavy objects, or girls have short hair and play with cars... Just to show her there are a million ways to be a girl.

All the usual mighty girl book recommendations still have girls looking like obvious girls, and then she is just not interested.

Any ideas?

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mycatcontrolsmewith5g · 29/07/2023 11:28

Old minnie the minx was good but not the newer version

mycatcontrolsmewith5g · 29/07/2023 11:28

She sounds exactly like me when I was that age... My mum just let me read whatever I felt like. When I got older it was Robert Heinlein, Isaac Asimov and Ray Bradbury. Science fiction! she's a bit young for that though....

teawamutu · 29/07/2023 10:53

Cressida Cowell's Emily Brown books are wonderful.

Emily Brown is short-haired, practical and sensible and has adventures. They're really funny and a great stopgap till she's old enough for the fabulous How To Train Your Dragon series.

TheSmallAssassin · 29/07/2023 00:41

My daughter dressed in "boys'" clothes and shoes and wore her hair short from about the age of 3. There were about 6 months where she referred to herself by the name of a character of a boy in a film she loved, and once or twice asked why she couldn't be a boy. By about 8 or 9 she was still dressing the same (she's always loved clothes and shoes, like her dad) but didn't like it when people thought she was a boy. In Y6 she decided to try "girls'" clothes and grew her hair. She had a school skirt rather than trousers in about Y9. I just let her get on with it.

My daughter is definitely a girl and happy in her skin as a young adult. I would let your daughter be - there's more than one way to be a girl/woman. She can dress how she wants, like whatever programmes and toys and still be a girl!

Tidyspy · 28/07/2023 23:52

Your daughter sounds very like my DD2 OP, she’s 10 now and still chooses to have short hair, wears trousers etc. By now the other girls are out of their pink & princessy phase (not a criticism, we have an older DD who did the princess thing for a while, DD2 preferred superheros), so her friends now wear jeans, joggers and hoodies too (as well as skirts/dresses) so the difference isn’t so stark IYSWIM.
Not exactly what you were looking for but “I'm a Girl!” by Yasmeen Ismail is great. A picture book for youngish kids - from the blurb: The girl in this book likes to win, she likes to be spontaneous, fast and strong, and because she also likes to dress in t-shirt and shorts, she is forever getting mistaken for a boy….a celebration of being who we are and not being pigeon-holed or restricted by gender stereotypes.
There just aren’t many books with tomboy girls in them unfortunately - these are aimed at older children but Brainfreeze by Tom Fletcher, Onjali Rauf’s brilliant books have mixed groups of boys and girls who are friends and aren’t defined by stereotypes, also Frank Cottrell Boyce. DD has mainly gone for books with lead boy characters (Tom Gates and Diary of A Wimpy kid, Harry Potter) it’s a tough one - there just aren’t many unconventional lead girl characters. Good luck though!

Original poster
MiMouse · 28/07/2023 20:37

I appreciate all the responses! I am going to check all these out, and report back.

What surprises me is that she still prefers the boy in stories where the boy is definitely portrayed less competent / less tough than the girl. She seems very fixated on just the "being a boy". Lucky for her she has a gender neutral name.

OP posts:
JosieOhNo · 28/07/2023 11:15

Someone upthread mentioned George in the Famous Five. I've heard this is having a reboot for BBC, and I'm wondering now how they will portray George's character? Simple idea of girl not wanting to do 'soft' girl / pink things, or will they go fully Mermaid with it and have shots of George quickly binding herself before nipping outside for ginger beer and picnics?

Borka · 28/07/2023 08:06

The Night Pirates (picture book) is good, it's about a gang of girl pirates who outsmart the adult men pirates. Some of the girls have long hair but they wear proper piratey clothes and are very fierce.

BernardBlacksMolluscs · 28/07/2023 07:57

My son loved ‘my naughty little sister’

the narrator is a ‘good’ girl, but her sister is quite different. It gave a chance to talk about how things were in the past too

BernardBlacksMolluscs · 28/07/2023 07:55

Someone mentioned Lilo and Stitch upthread, that’s a genuinely brilliant movie with a realistic rounded awkward little girl in the lead (and the line ‘This is my family. It’s little, and broken, but still good’ makes me cry like a baby). It also has good men as background characters

Strong ‘not recommended’ for Ratatouille also mentioned upthread. There’s a scene where the male lead kisses a woman who doesn’t want him to, and is in fact so frightened of him she’s clutching a canister of mace. Had to do some explaining to my sons when that scene came up (if someone is frightened of you leave them alone, whatever Disney says about it)

Nellodee · 28/07/2023 07:44

Ronia the robbers daughter is very adventurous and fearless. Chihiro from Studio Ghibli’s Spirited Away is very brave and tough, but not all five year olds would be comfortable with some if the imagery/story line. Apple Jack from my little pony is great (second incarnation), and actually the story lines are more Star Trekky than you would think. I second the new Shera. Avatar the Last Airbender has a great mix of characters, male and female, and no one would call Toff feminine (plus it’s a great series). Gravity Falls doesn’t have super girly girls. Sarah and Duck, Abney and Teal, both have female leads. Tea cup travels, both the boy and girl got to go in equal amount of adventures. Spider Gwen is every bit as amazing as Miles Morales.

Danascully2 · 28/07/2023 07:11

Cbbc odd squad? Led by Miss O who has hair in a tight bun I think and wears a military type uniform - may be a skirt suit I can't remember but definitely not pink or girly. There are a range of other girls in it too doing various jobs.

PurpleBugz · 27/07/2023 21:59

Rohal dhal revolting rhymes red riding hood. She kills the wolf herself and makes a coat. Then the three little pigs revolting rhyme has them call red for help and she kills the wolf again but also the pigs.

PurpleBugz · 27/07/2023 21:53

The worst princess.

Amazing book. Princess in the tower saved by the prince who turned out not to be the happy ever after- wants her to be pretty stay in the castle while he does the fun stuff. "I wear the armour here, you wear dresses are we clear?" So she befriended the dragon knocked down the castle in the process her hair get burnt short. Prince unimpressed she doesn't care. Off she goes with the dragon. Rhymes beautifully too. My absolute fav book for kids.

Zog and paper bag princess I recommend too but as you say the girls are still girly.

Ada twist scientist. Also very good book but still looks like a girl but she at least has a ponytail and isn't 'girly'. There's an engineer one by the same author also a girl character and not a girly girl.

Thinking about it we need many more books for tomboys there just isn't enough!

When she's older read her famous five for George. Also castle of adventure has a wild girl running around not at all girly.

110APiccadilly · 27/07/2023 21:38

I'm not sure it's exactly what you're looking for, but Nobody Owns the Sky is a lovely picture book about Bessie Coleman, who became the first African American to have a pilot's licence.

Bessie Coleman died in a plane crash and the book does cover that, not graphically at all but you might want to be aware of that before reading!

Danascully2 · 27/07/2023 21:33

I don't know if it's on any more but cbeebies biggleton might have some girls being police officers/firefighters/mechanics etc

Danascully2 · 27/07/2023 21:32

Agree with Grace's amazing machines (some series were Caties amazing machines, not sure which ones are on iplayer at the moment).

I do empathize: I have a boy who loves dance and is not interested in football or gaming.

Danascully2 · 27/07/2023 21:29

Cbbc has a presenter called Laura who has short hair and colourful but not girly clothes. I tried to paste in an image but couldn't make it work. Just Google cbbc Laura. I don't know anything about her otherwise.

Princess smarty-pants by Babette cole? (About a princess who decides not to get married and lives with her animals instead). Granny's bunkbed bus? (Granny decides to take up welding and makes a play bus out of some old bunkbeds - am pretty sure she appears in a picture with overalls and a welding mask on). Both quite old but they're both picture books not chapter books.

salamithumbs · 27/07/2023 21:20

Just thought of The Wild Thornberrys, if that's still on anywhere?

35andThriving · 27/07/2023 21:18

Abney and Teal
Clangers
Lily's Driftwood Bay
Maisy (mouse)
Miffy's Adventures Big and Small
Topsy and Tim

salamithumbs · 27/07/2023 21:10

The only picture book I can think of featuring a 'tomboyish looking' girl is The Journey Home by Alison Lester, where a girl and her brother dig all the way through their sandpit, come out at the other side of the world, and have to journey home meeting pirates etc along the way. Other picture books where the girls/women play more of an adventurous role:
-Beryl's Box by Lisa Taylor (tomboyish girl and more 'girly' girl go on an adventure together in a magic box)
-Katie and the Dinosaurs/ Katie in London by James Mayhew
-Wishing Moon by Lesley Harker
-Mrs Pepperpot stories (picture book versions)
-The Jolly Witch by Dick King Smith

O'Brien Panda Press also does books you could read to her, they're not picture books exactly but they do have illustrations. I remember some of them featured girls who had shortish hair and were quite tomboyish:
'Katie's Caterpillars' and 'Katie's Cake' by Stephanie Dagg
'My Dog Lively' by Patrick Deeley
'Fireman Sinead' by Anna Donovan

Also, some films that show girls playing a more heroic/action role (although they don't necessarily have short hair or anything)
Matilda (both the original film and the more recent film are great)
Luca (main character is a boy but he makes friends with a tomboyish girl)
Spy Kids (not sure if 4.5 is a bit young for this, a while since I've seen it)
The Incredibles
Toy Story 2 (Jessie)
Flushed Away (Rita)
Madeline
Annie (my kids prefer the 1998 version!)
Anastasia
Maybe Mary Poppins? Not a child but she does have magic powers!

Can't think of many tv programmes other than Miraculous I'm afraid!

yeahscience · 27/07/2023 20:13

Someone mentioned the Ada Twist, Scientist books up above - this now also has a TV series on Netflix.

The Disney film Encanto also has a mix of female characters, including a super strong weightlifting women. Also Brave features a very ungirly, outdoorsy princess.

FriendofJoanne · 27/07/2023 20:11

Films - Brave and Mulan, both Disney, both strong young women who break gender stereotypes in spite of pressure to conform

GrouchyKiwi · 27/07/2023 20:08

My girls (now 7, 9 and 11, so a bit older) love Dragon Riders: Race to the Edge. If you think that's a bit old for her (it's a PG) then there's a little kids version called Rescue Riders. (My DH calls it Claw Patrol.) The main characters are boy & girl siblings and they both save the day all the time. The girl is the smart one. There's a mix of boy and girl dragons too.

Miraculous Ladybug is good in that Ladybug is strong and in charge, but holy crap the teen angst is annoying, and it's very stereotypically girly in other ways.

Mira Royal Detective, maybe, on Disney Plus? And Elena of Avalor.