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Original poster

Working with teens, I'm struggling with the pronoun issue in the office.

135 replies

FriendofJoanne · 11/07/2023 23:42

I'm in a new job so probation period. Professional role, one where you'd really expect critical thinking. Quite a high proportion of the teens so far seem to identify as trans or non-binary.

I think I need to keep my head down, I will bring up the Cass review with the rest of my team once the time is right and maybe gently question how much they know; if they're aware of the lack of evidence for gender affirming care, the safeguarding concerns at Mermaids etc.

We work with really vulnerable young people, this (gender identity) I have really researched thoroughly and I do not want to be complicit in any harm. When I'm with the teens I treat them as individuals, that's no problem, in their presence I will respect their requested pronouns, and of course in written records. I have done it before in the past, but I didn't know as much then as I do now.

What I'm really struggling with is my colleagues using female pronouns for clearly male teenagers, when we are alone in the office (so far I'm only aware of boys identifying as girls and a girl identifying as non-binary) . I can't do it. I can't call a male 'she' because to me it represents being complicit in something I see as harmful.

Anyone else in this position? How do you cope?

OP posts:
ArthurPoppy · 12/07/2023 00:19

Now I just use the young persons name. Previously I tried using preferred trans pronouns but it felt like I was lying.

Original poster
FriendofJoanne · 12/07/2023 00:13

Thanks @Longdarkteatimeofthesoul I know exactly the interview you mean. I can't remember which it is, but I watched it when it was on. So far that's what I've done. It's either going to be that or saying they a lot!

OP posts:
Longdarkteatimeofthesoul · 12/07/2023 00:09

I am sure someone will come in with the link but I watched a video of I was going to say Julie Bindel but I dont think it is being interviewed with a transgender person who is a lawyer and the Woman went to great lengths to not use pronouns but use the persons name each and every time. It was brilliant and made a point of not misgendering but not buying into the nonsense. Hopefully someone can help with the clip - I cant find it.

Original poster
FriendofJoanne · 12/07/2023 00:07

@NewNameNigel I'm asking for advice from other Gender Critical feminists who actually work with teens. Your comments seem throw away, and not considered or helpful. I personally feel that it is very important that the children have someone who is able to talk to them about the cons of transitioning not just cheer them on all the way.

Social transition is not a neutral act, so this is more than a difference of opinion, this is an issue which could lead to unnecessary medicalistion of otherwise healthy children.

OP posts:
BatheInTheLight · 12/07/2023 00:07

F'kin hell, I couldn't be dealing with all that twaddle. Best of luck.

Gracewithoutend · 12/07/2023 00:05

Maybe it's just easier to call them by their requested pronoun in the office so that the consistency helps them to make sure to say the right pronoun in person.
Just because you use certain pronouns, it doesn't mean that you either agree or disagree with certain principles. It's just that people have a job to do and that there are guidelines laid down that they have to comply with.

NewNameNigel · 12/07/2023 00:00

Your colleagues probably have all sorts of opinions on all sorts of things that you don't agree with. Can you frame this as just another thing that you see differently?

If you actually feel stifled there and like you can't be yourself I think you should look elsewhere. You will be very unhappy if you have to spend your working day feeling like your pretending.

Original poster
FriendofJoanne · 11/07/2023 23:51

It's very early days @NewNameNigel , it's very hard to just speak openly about GC beliefs so for all I know my colleagues feel the same but are using the pronouns because that's what's expected. Thankfully there are no pronouns on emails.

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 11/07/2023 23:50

I guess I'd refer to everyone as "they"? But it sound insufferable so I'd leave.

NewNameNigel · 11/07/2023 23:48

Honestly, I think you should look for a new job.

If you think your colleagues aren't critical thinkers because they have come to a different conclusion to you and you can talk to them in a way that feels comfortable you will be really unhappy. You will just get more and more frustrated and if you try to hide it you will explode at the wrong person at the wrong time and possibly get into trouble.