GC - how to prepare kids

"They can wear what they want, love who they want, do what they want’. Apart from deciding that they want to be the other gender."

This is not hypocrisy, as your implying. They also can't decide to be taller, stay babies, grow a third arm, change their eye colour, grow wings and fly... it's just that one biological impossibility now needs to be spelled out.

but I want to make sure they understand that they can’t change sex. And that if my son wants to wear a dress it doesn’t make him female.

there’s no secret magic pill op

just open and frank discussions
and pick the right school

’They can wear what they want, love who they want, do what they want’. Apart from deciding that they want to be the other gender.

DD is 9, I let her make her own choices about clothes/toys, have been consistent about saying that there are no boys or girls clothes/toys, just clothes/toys and whoever likes them can use them.

Over the last couple of years we've been having more conversations about bodies, growing up, puberty etc I've been trying to be very factual about it, 'You are a girl so you will have periods, grow breast,your hips will get wider', boys will grow hair in different places, have a penis instead of a vagina'.......

When she's said she doesn't want periods because they sound disgusting, I've agreed that they do sound a bit disgusting but they're just a bodily function and one that she'll learn to manage, that they have a purpose that might be really important to her later in life if she decides she wants children and is capable of having them. That boys have disgusting body functions too, one isn't better than the other, it's just the way bodies work.

I plan to keep the lines of communication open, answer any questions she has, make sure she knows nothing is out of bounds and that no matter how weird, uncomfortable or personal the topic she can raise it and I'll do the best I can to give her an answer or help her to find one.

Is it really brainwashing to say people can't change sex even if they really want to, and to make sure children understand that?

Anyway OP, I just tell my kids that they can wear any clothes but it doesn't make them change sex.
Use silly examples like saying if Daddy put on a dress or Mummy cut all her hair off, would they be a boy or girl, and simple things like that.
My 5-year-old gets confused sometimes, they're into stereotypes at that age, but I make sure he knows he will never change sex. It doesn't have to be a big conversation to start with.

My Body Is Me - lovely book:

https://www.transgendertrend.com/product/my-body-is-me/

Then talk about stereotypes and the patriarchy (use those words!) so that they know some people think girls shouldn't like getting dirty and boys shouldn't like jewellery etc and isn't that silly but it was useful for enforcing society rules that kept men at the top. Encourage them to spot such things in advertisements etc. Once they get good at it there's a decent chance they'll see it in the Ken/Barbie gender spectrum if they're unfortunate enough ever to have someone try to sell that to them!

I’m sure you’re familiar with Rachel Rooney’s lovely books! Seem appropriate for the ages :)

I do think the key and main thing as they get older is to monitor screen use.

Heads up OP

if they get a whiff that mum is trying to earnestly lecture and educate them - they’re likely to listen much more closely to the other side of the argument

I have played it very dismissively here. It’s a bit of nonsense that has been allowed to snowball, especially if you’re feeling vulnerable and shit.

they and their friends pretty much came to that conclusion themselves thankfully though

The irony. You’re worried about the school brain washing them so you’re going to do it instead… let them make up their own minds

Poor school if you think they’re going to brain wash them OP

mine is brilliant. Balanced open minded and keen to encourage debate and discourse.