Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

DSD12 nipping it in the bud

36 replies

LATBOTG · 15/06/2023 17:23

Hi I’m after some advice. My DSD (12) is being utterly sucked in by gender ideology. She has a friend who is trans and is very dominant. She has no supervision online, and as such all her algorithms are #trans etc etc.

Her mum doesn’t think restricting social media will make any difference, but beyond that we (me and her mum) very much align that you can’t change your sex. As step mum I can’t influence how much time she spends on the internet when she’s not with me. We have spent so much of her childhood teaching her about the value of women! We have tried to teach her that her sex is her sex and she can’t change that and the rest is her personality and that’s up to her. It’s incredibly frustrating.

Are there any particularly good resources out there for us to guide DSD through this time?

OP posts:
Tinysoxx · 15/06/2023 21:18

This is what I would do if I had a Year 7 daughter: I would tell her it’s deeply unfashionable once you get older (ie 6th form) and that detransitioning can be embarrassing so remember not to be judgemental when they do (most girls do). I would tell her the main reason young girls get sucked in (all the changes around puberty) and touch on the reasons older men become part of this T club too. There are lots of older men promoting this ideology and this is worrying so there are a lot of people currently making sure laws and safeguards don’t disadvantage women and children. Tell her to be careful because social media on this topic will be populated by lots of older men who have very different ideas on what a woman is, to you, her and her family. And that who are they to decide what she had her friends should be like.

It’s actually a good way to talk about the internet dangers and critical thinking ie. a lot of studies are showing that people don’t understand basic biology. Gender ideology is based on regressive stereotypes of women and gay people, not biology. Take it back to biology with facts about animals etc. if she has pets. And how sad it is because no one can ever really change their sex so it’s all a lie.

Basically demystify the glitters and unicorns and bring it back to reality. And you are happy to answer or discuss anything.

Original poster
LATBOTG · 15/06/2023 21:14

@ScrollingLeaves thank you for that thread. I agree that the internet is bad but I don’t know what else I can do about it beyond limit her when she’s with me and her dad. We’re very strict and then her other home is free reign.

OP posts:
Original poster
LATBOTG · 15/06/2023 21:12

@PaleBlueMoonlight I’m not sure I follow what you mean, could you give me an example please? (Probably just being a bit dense here)

OP posts:
Original poster
LATBOTG · 15/06/2023 21:11

@thirdfiddle no the resources were for us as parents rather than her… we’re not that mad… yet.
That’s good advice getting her to continue to talk about it and effectively talk herself out of it. Thank you.

OP posts:
PaleBlueMoonlight · 15/06/2023 20:12

I wonder whether listening to her and her reasons/concerns, then mirroring them back to her with language/concepts based in reality would help?

ScrollingLeaves · 15/06/2023 20:01

OP, this long thread is about someone older than your DD but there are knowledgeable experienced posters there. I hope some come and answer you here, but meanwhile you might look through it by bit.

It is difficult for you to take much control given she is your SD, but those thousands of hours on the internet your DSD will have over the next years - unless someone stops her - could definitely cause her harm, and also accelerate the brain washing.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4717419-dd-ran-away-to-be-with-trans-lover-and-refuses-to-return?latest=1

Dd ran away to be with trans lover and refuses to return | Mumsnet

Hi, I was posting in the teens section and got some good ad vice and a suggestion that I post here. here’s a link to that thread https://www.mumsnet.c...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4717419-dd-ran-away-to-be-with-trans-lover-and-refuses-to-return?latest=1

thirdfiddle · 15/06/2023 19:31

(Italics fail)

thirdfiddle · 15/06/2023 19:30

I don't think there's much chance of a child in these circumstances listening to any resources you find.

I say get her talking. Be interested in what it means /to her/ . It may well be things that are familiar to all of us, like hating the stereotypes imposed on us, where you can find lots of common ground. Be accepting that she may think differently to you, try to understand what she does think, but also be clear where your boundaries lie.
( Also the more you talk about it the less sense it all makes. The more she talks the more she has to think.)

Original poster
LATBOTG · 15/06/2023 19:08

Confused by friend and thinking about jumping on the bandwagon. Testing the water with friends by being non binary.

OP posts:
Inamuddle36 · 15/06/2023 18:24

Is your SD supportive/protective of her friend? Or also exploring whether she might jump on trans bandwagon herself?

Swipe left for the next trending thread