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Original poster

Declining to put my preferred pronouns in my email signature

434 replies

HowDoIGetThisThingOff · 23/05/2023 13:11

It's finally happened, I've been "told" to put my preferred pronouns in my email signature at work.

I've emailed back saying my preference is that I don't do this. But I'm feeling a bit anxious 😬.

Please can I get some advice on what to say if they come back with questions or pressure to comply?

OP posts:
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Ourladycheesusedatum · 23/05/2023 17:31

It's coming to my workplace soon. It's not mandatory yet but if it ever is my plan is first to say no and if that doesnt work I'm going to be a different pronoun half daily. And I will police it.

So Monday morning ze/zim
Monday afternoon, catself/meow.
Etc etc and throw in the odd if it's a Thursday in March and a full moon I'm fae/faery/faeself.

I've got quite a few onboard with similar plans. And we will keep going to HR to tell them we were misgendered and we dont feel safe. can we go home to recover.
Any emails that have misgendered us will be used to start a tribunal.

It's the only way to stop this whole shite.

MerlinsLostMarbles · 23/05/2023 17:30

HowDoIGetThisThingOff · 23/05/2023 13:11

It's finally happened, I've been "told" to put my preferred pronouns in my email signature at work.

I've emailed back saying my preference is that I don't do this. But I'm feeling a bit anxious 😬.

Please can I get some advice on what to say if they come back with questions or pressure to comply?

Your options are
1- State your preferred pronouns. Everyone's happy.

2- Refuse to do so and launch into a hateful diatribe about transpeople when asked why. Fall out with your boss and colleagues and end up getting fired.

PomegranateOfPersephone · 23/05/2023 17:29

“Genuinely can’t see the issue. Just put the pronouns. Seems a strange hill to die on.”

The issue is I don’t believe in the new religion, I don’t want to be forced into participating in the rites and rituals of the new religion.

I think that restructuring society, law and policy around gender identity rather than observable, immutable sex is harmful to individuals and society. Hopefully proponents of gender identity won’t be bringing in burning at the stake for heathens, heretics and recusants and I won’t have to die on this hill but I object strongly to the promotion of an ideology which I think is authoritarian and harmful in my email signature. I try to avoid hypocrisy in all areas of life and I don’t want to stoop to it in order to work my way up the career ladder. Integrity matters.

midgemadgemodge · 23/05/2023 17:29

Oh but there is research that suggests everyone using they them reduces bias

Off to read more

gogohmm · 23/05/2023 17:27

My reply when I was asked my pronouns for a badge was just put my name. In a shop situation there is no interaction with customers that can't be dealt with by using my name

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 23/05/2023 17:26

Girlboss1989 · 23/05/2023 15:20

Why don't you just include whichever pronouns you want people to use for you?

Because I don't want to. That's enough of a reason.

Shelefttheweb · 23/05/2023 17:26

Girlboss1989 · 23/05/2023 15:20

Why don't you just include whichever pronouns you want people to use for you?

Because men and women are not treated equally in the work place. Asking women to draw attention to their sex is likely to increase discrimination.

midgemadgemodge · 23/05/2023 17:26

Well I think the article linked shows it

I think also research on recruitment shows how once the sex is known women are disadvantaged

I think personal experience also shows it

I have never drawn attention to my sex and many people get it wrong on the basis of my name ( different culture /languages ) and honestly that's why I would never put she her as pronouns on an email

MissMissive · 23/05/2023 17:24

maltravers · 23/05/2023 17:10

If I see someone using their pronouns I assume they are either indulging in idiotic virtue signalling or are young, naive and caught up in this. This is not an image I want to project of myself to the outside world. I haven’t been asked to use my pronouns, but I won’t be kneeling to Big Brother and doing so if I am.

I don’t expect my co-workers to label themselves as lesbians, Muslims etc. how could my gender identity (if I had one) be anyone’s business but mine?

This. It’s a bit embarrassing.

skyfalldown · 23/05/2023 17:23

I include mine because I have a name most English people assume is masculine. Don't care whether someone else does it or not, up to them.

DollyTrolly · 23/05/2023 17:23

DollyParkin · 23/05/2023 16:55

Could you cite the research that indicates that once a woman signals her sex in an otherwise non-face to face interaction, the response is more prone to be sexist? That a woman drawing attention to her sex leads them to be treated differently, and less well?

Seriously?
Do you not know that women are routinely discriminated against in the workplace? Not to mention subjected to sexual harassment?

MissMissive · 23/05/2023 17:22

GreatBigBoots · 23/05/2023 16:37

Although I recently had an 'inclusion' training session (interestingly all about trans, no reference to inclusion of older women etc) where one of the first slides was 'Get comfortable being uncomfortable' !!! (So many red flags)

My plan if when I am asked to put pronouns in my e-mail signature is to say that I am concerned that this will put pressure on people to out themselves when they may not be ready. I know that if I mention my real views I will be ignored (at best) as a TERF

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It seems if you’re a middle aged woman, that your comfort is not required. Only everyone else’s. Unless they’re boring, in which case they need to make the i boring people feel comfortable, with their own discomfort.

DollyParkin · 23/05/2023 17:22

Women are routinely disadvantaged, discriminated against and subject to stereotypes in the workplace.... why would I want to further highlight the fact I'm female?

This. Times a million.

SunnyEgg · 23/05/2023 17:20

Greywhippet · 23/05/2023 17:15

Genuinely can’t see the issue. Just put the pronouns. Seems a strange hill to die on.

You can but I’ll decide and it’s a no

midgemadgemodge · 23/05/2023 17:20

Arebella you make me laugh

Maireas · 23/05/2023 17:20

BenCoopersSupportWren · 23/05/2023 17:19

No thanks to stating pronouns. It's too political.

Ooh I like this, if I'm asked at work I think I'll say "no thanks, it's all become far too politicised for me".

It certainly is.

Lysianthus · 23/05/2023 17:20

@SerendipityJane definitely didn't vote for him, in UK, but just like listening to the shitstorms in the States...

BenCoopersSupportWren · 23/05/2023 17:19

No thanks to stating pronouns. It's too political.

Ooh I like this, if I'm asked at work I think I'll say "no thanks, it's all become far too politicised for me".

RoseslnTheHospital · 23/05/2023 17:19

Greywhippet · 23/05/2023 17:15

Genuinely can’t see the issue. Just put the pronouns. Seems a strange hill to die on.

That's weird, when there's a whole thread of people discussing what the issue is...

DollyTrolly · 23/05/2023 17:19

Greywhippet · 23/05/2023 17:15

Genuinely can’t see the issue. Just put the pronouns. Seems a strange hill to die on.

Women are routinely disadvantaged, discriminated against and subject to stereotypes in the workplace.... why would I want to further highlight the fact I'm female?

What other protected characteristics would you like me to advertise?
My religion, any disabilities I might have? What about my marital status, sexuality and pregnancy??

Bookworm20 · 23/05/2023 17:18

MsFogi · 23/05/2023 16:22

I prefer the option of refusing to do this (saying 'not comfortable' etc). But, I do think that if every middle age woman started putting ridiculous pronouns in their bios/signatures etc etc this would die a death pretty quickly. Companies are desperate to be seen to be supporting 20-something women who id as non-binary or trans and over 50s men who decide they are women. But they are less keen on addressing 49 year old Julie from accounts, who has a bit of middle aged spread and loves Gary Barlow, as ze/zem and even less enthusiasm about her coming into the men's loos.

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This made me laugh! @MsFogi Needed that today :)

ArabeIIaScott · 23/05/2023 17:18

Pronouns are useful.

They do provide an insight into the person using them.

Maireas · 23/05/2023 17:18

@maltravers and @Waitwhat23 , those are my feelings. I've worked 40 years without it being necessary, I don't know why it suddenly is now. In every single case at work, I could have told you who was she/her or him/his. Is it just to make a point?

SerendipityJane · 23/05/2023 17:17

Lysianthus · 23/05/2023 17:13

@SerendipityJane I didn't know that! Wink

You and probably everyone who voted for him. Guess it shows reading still has it's place. just not in the US. Well, not Texas leastways.

SpudleyLass · 23/05/2023 17:17

Greywhippet · 23/05/2023 17:15

Genuinely can’t see the issue. Just put the pronouns. Seems a strange hill to die on.

What if I don't want to because it lends credence to an ideology I don't agree with?