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Original poster

Non binary - AIBU to not be ok?

33 replies

Hampshiremum2 · 15/05/2023 14:08

We have discovered over the weekend that our daughter has requested her friends refer to her with a new (gender neutral) name, it has gone as far as her friends parents now refer to her with this name too. I am devastated really, she is 12 and I really cannot get on board with the idea. Perhaps I am an awful bigot but it feels like her reasons for wanting to be labelled 'non-binary' (sorry if this is the wrong terminology) are just an attempt to reject stereotypes that girls are all dumb and only bothered about how they look (this is what she has said boys at school tell her). So to my point AIBU to say we can't support this until she is older and able to make a more informed decision? We want her to be happy but this idea that you cannot be happy as a girl without being pretty and Barbie seems madness to me!

On a side note is anyone aware of my rights as to what happens with school, if she asks for her name to be changed and her pronouns can they do this without my agreement? X

OP posts:
Original poster
Hampshiremum2 · 15/05/2023 14:32

Pr0fessionalLurker · 15/05/2023 14:30

We went through the same, even at the same age, OP. We are now 3 years on and out the other side. I found a lot of useful resources on the Feminism board, though I never posted to ask for advice, I found it useful just reading the experiences of others.

I really would advise a massive crack down on social media as that was one of the driving forces in our situation. It wasn't easy.

Thank you!! Good that we can get through it, she has NO access to social media herself but appears to be having it shared whenever with her friends and I am not sure how we can stop that. Can anyone tell me how to move it to the feminism board please?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hampshiremum2 · 15/05/2023 14:30

Superdupes · 15/05/2023 14:18

Tell her that girls can be clever and have zero interest in how they look and if people (boys) think they can't then why doesn't she prove them wrong rather than pretending she's not completely female (or whatever ridiculousness NB is supposed to mean).

We've tried this approach, I have a successful career and I am not hugely focused on my image so it has us entirely confused.

OP posts:
Pr0fessionalLurker · 15/05/2023 14:30

We went through the same, even at the same age, OP. We are now 3 years on and out the other side. I found a lot of useful resources on the Feminism board, though I never posted to ask for advice, I found it useful just reading the experiences of others.

I really would advise a massive crack down on social media as that was one of the driving forces in our situation. It wasn't easy.

Jellyx · 15/05/2023 14:27

You need to watch a YouTube video with Jordan Peterson and a mother in a similar position.

Peppapigboresme · 15/05/2023 14:27

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns about this thread, so we've agreed to take it down.

lifeturnsonadime · 15/05/2023 14:22

I second moving over to the feminism board.

You need to proceed with caution as unfortunately some non binary girls end up getting double mastectomies at 18 to affirm their 'gender'.

Changing names and pronouns isn't neutral and school should not be doing anything without speaking to you / getting your consent.

Superdupes · 15/05/2023 14:18

Tell her that girls can be clever and have zero interest in how they look and if people (boys) think they can't then why doesn't she prove them wrong rather than pretending she's not completely female (or whatever ridiculousness NB is supposed to mean).

RedToothBrush · 15/05/2023 14:14

Get yourself over to the feminism board.

This will progress.

Monitor her internet usage and look closely at friendship groups / participation in LGBT groups.

Safeguarding is not bigotry. You have a safeguarding issue to take seriously.