Angry with my non binary brother- how to help SIL

They wear trousers without any pockets

I recommend that your son joins Free Speech Union and reads the Forstater ruling to know his rights.

In such a workplace, I would refuse to give pronouns. Not only is it compelled political speech in conflict with GC beliefs, it also puts those trans people who are closeted for safety reasons (e.g. they risk murder or ostracism from a religious minority community if they come out at work where others from that community are present) in the position of having to choose between lying and endangering themselves. So pronoun disclosure actually harms the most vulnerable trans people.

I think I agree with you - I definitely agree that his behaviour is unacceptable and she should feel supported to leave him.

I was making a point about the ridiculousness of 'non-binary'.Perhaps clumsily, though one or two other posters got my point. Agree about the probability of escalation - this isn't about clothes - it's about his behaviour and what he expects from his family.

Mods, I've asked several time on this forum whether we are allowed to use a medical/ psychological term — autogynephilia. I haven't received an answer from you but I note that various of my posts in which I use the word still stand, so I am assuming it is now acceptable.

Tortoise, how do you know he has gender dysphoria? Most men who transition later in life are autogynephiles and people posting on this forum understand what autogynephilia is.

He's married a woman and had children. Behaving abusively to them is not acceptable.

I saw my SIL recently at a family event and got chatting to her. She basically said that she is devastated by the whole thing. Apparently my brother just announced it to her and their friends at the same time. He has started to go to work and social events ‘as a woman’ now. Dressed in a stereotypical female way. He has also started to repeatedly correct their children’s use of pronouns towards him, even though they don’t understand. If my SIL questions it he calls her a transphobe and a bigot. She said she is at breaking point.

Sorry @Angrywithmybrother he's your brother and all that, but he is being emotionally abusive to his wife & children.

Does he do the stereotypically female things such as:
cleaning dirty bathrooms, kitchens, loos
doing the children's laundry
carrying the mental load of running the household

and so on.

I know what I'd bet on ...

But let’s not pretend hating on trans people or pressuring people to repress their gender identity is a solution to anything

And let's not also pretend that men can change sex and become women.
Because that's what this man is going to say he's done next.
Non-binary is just a stepping-stone to transwoman.

These men just follow a script. It's pathetic.

Its infuriating...... I recently watched a trans Man poet who claimed not to wish to self declare pronouns because he liked to identify as his original woman self in the summer when lighter, floatier clothes were more comfortable and some days this person felt female and not like the transmale they presented themselves as for most of the time.

When questioned the response was "I m too future for most people".

thought non binary was neither sx so why dress as a woman

your brother is a prick doing it like this

'where the non-binary parent can be who who they really are'

JFC.

100% this.

He has also started to repeatedly correct their children’s use of pronouns towards him, even though they don’t understand. If my SIL questions it he calls her a transphobe and a bigot. She said she is at breaking point.

Really sorry to hear this. Please put her in touch with Woman's Aid, and she's completely correct about joint counselling being potentially a bad idea.

He’s FORTY!

*He’s a sodding Millennial, unless he’s been living under a rock he’s grown up with trans people winning Eurovision and Big Brother. Trans is thoroughly mainstream.

To become a husband and father 2 children and then ‘come out’ as a special-sort-of-non male at a PARTY, without even discussing it with your wife first is pure selfish arsehole territory.

Why are you caping for this prick?*

Exactly. It's utterly cringe and embarrassing that this grown man (old enough where in most times in history he'd be a grandfather by now) has some narcissistic coming out party without informing his wife and children ahead of time!

I wish women would support women hurt by men, not gaslight them into further abuse.

You're hoping that the kids will somehow come to see he's not a deluded, selfish person after all? Dream on!

He’s FORTY!

He’s a sodding Millennial, unless he’s been living under a rock he’s grown up with trans people winning Eurovision and Big Brother. Trans is thoroughly mainstream.

To become a husband and father 2 children and then ‘come out’ as a special-sort-of-non male at a PARTY, without even discussing it with your wife first is pure selfish arsehole territory.

Why are you caping for this prick?

Yes and?

Being a sibling does not mean you have to change your own entire history and identity either...

Most men who want to wear dresses fancy women and fancy themselves as women.

Seems life was easier when shitty, selfish men would just be drunk.

They have no real business getting married even if they can't, but if they do, then they should profoundly apologise, to their WIFE alone at first, and then suggest they try and support their wife through the grief at her loss of what she thought was a heterosexual marriage. Followed on by offering to be an equal and respectful co-parent and to find a way to explain this to the children especially if they are younger.

This bloke is very unlikely to be gay. Most men who want to wear dresses fancy women and fancy themselves as women.

No. most blokes don’t throw on a mini skirt and nip off to work.

This isn’t what the SIL signed up for.

Id suggest she leaves him. I expect he’ll escalate to trans woman and want to be called mummy next

If you had read the full response I said "support them independently" which means not talking to her brother as it's going to achieve nothing.

He is her sibling at the end of the day.

From the OP:
"He has also started to repeatedly correct their children’s use of pronouns towards him, even though they don’t understand. If my SIL questions it he calls her a transphobe and a bigot. She said she is at breaking point".

Coercive control. Amazed to find anyone on a feminist board suggesting enabling this type of self centred bullying.

Some men are gay and they can't accept it

The firm where one of my sons works all the employees have to introduce themselves with their preferred pronouns before each meeting. Normal way of doing business now. However, when people are in the office there are often meetings set up one after the other. One of his colleagues asked if since they had just had a meeting with the exact same people, could they skip the introductions? He was told no because if there were non binary people present that there preferred pronouns may have changed in the hour they were in the last meeting.

What I am sure about is the person’s gender identity needs to be respected and accommodated.

only way to do this to cut "they/them" out of your lives completely. They can play happy genders by themselves, they don't need you.

My parents didn’t say much either apparently. I don’t think they understand the issues.

Well, who does?

Barbie and Ken are not real. They are a hyper stereotyped fantasy. If you take that on board, then 'most people being in the middle' are what we call 'human' or 'real'.

Strange that.