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Original poster

Her App - Terfs get out

121 replies

LexMitior · 26/04/2023 16:55

It's lesbian visibility week, and Her App (lesbian dating) sent all its users a messages on terfs, and how they should leave the app.

Now this is pretty aggressive... is this a marketing ploy? Seems odd to cut down your customer base by telling women that they er, can't prefer biological women.

OP posts:
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9
howdoesatoastermaketoast · 27/04/2023 10:13

Skankoot · 26/04/2023 20:59

One of us, one of us.

Show quote history

welcome to the dark side darling, the bad news is as pantomime villains go we're very disappointing - the goods news is as pantomime villains go we're very disappointing.

There's a line from a poem called the desiderata which says
"as far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all people"

What most of us here have in common I think is that we have found a trans ideology to make a demand which we couldn't agree with 'without surrender'.

If you draw any line at all that is you being too unreasonable, if you think past TWAW and add up to a point but not if... that is you being one of the difficult women.

The truth is it doesn't take much to be a difficult woman that's why there are so many of us.

ArabeIIaScott · 27/04/2023 09:55

Lwrenagain, I think it's good to be uncertain, tbh. Question yourself, keep asking questions, keep looking for evidence, keep examining your assumptions. I try to do the same.

AlisonDonut · 27/04/2023 09:54

I've searched for Giggle on this thread and not found it, but if you are actually interested in female only apps etc, then Giggle is currently fighting against a man trying to claim 'discrimination' as they use face recogniction software to only allow women onto the app. So if you are wanting to uphold these spaces, please do support Sall Grover in her quest to keep her app single sex.

salltweets on twitter.

Sall is the one on the right, being taken to Federal court by Roxy Tickle, on the left. For those who are not TERFs and do not understand the boundaries between male and female.

Her App - Terfs get out
WeeBisom · 27/04/2023 09:40

The CEO of her has just published this incoherent, absolutely cringe statement where she says the future of lesbians is “trans”, there’s no such thing as a real lesbian, and that terfs and gender crits aren’t welcome on Her. https://weareher.com/lesbian-visibility-day-2023/

I quit using Her a while ago because it was just full of men. It’s so upsetting that lesbians are being told they are bigots if they don’t accept males.

This Lesbian Visibility Day, We Are Reclaiming ‘Lesbian’ - HER

Happy Lesbian Visibility Day to trans and non-binary lesbians!

https://weareher.com/lesbian-visibility-day-2023/

TheHandmaiden · 27/04/2023 08:23

I like "Mingetout" dating app. Make this happen!

Namechange224422 · 27/04/2023 07:18

Hmmmmm I wonder if we need to reclaim some words here.

www.assignedfemaleatbirth.com
www.cervixhavers.com

possibly not the sexiest of dating site names but pretty clear none the less…….

Lwrenagain · 27/04/2023 06:26

literalviolence · 26/04/2023 21:05

No TW should be in a female prison and that's not yours to give away.

So so sorry for long reply 🙈

This is tricky for me because the concern about a non predatory TW being in a men's prison is so upsetting knowing what they would experience.
Ideally if we can protect child abusers from the general population of prisoners we could protect transfolk? It makes no sense why not.

But ideally is far from reality and all I can think for now is a case by case scenario.

I debate with myself constantly over these things, see my TW pals all have had surgery and whilst that makes them less threatening, I'm also quite saddened that people will go through harrowing procedures (and I've asked questions, it's not nice) in the hope of being accepted etc, i feel personally they've had surgery (only my friends, don't know about others!) To appease others. The hope of living with a man romantically as a woman etc. But I'd hate to feel any person wants to remove their genitals so I/ society feel happier about them wearing a dress. (Not that I care who wears what, that was example)

🙈 See? I'm obviously quite unsure of lots of things surrounding all this and my priorities lie with wanting to keep everyone vulnerable safe.
Absolute fucking minefield.

I'm not comfortable with any situation that involves anyone being put at risk and TW are included for me with this.

I think I struggle to not imagine my kind and gentle friends in these situations, not creepy new to self ID types but I'm aware they exist.

Do by all means give me your opinions and ideas I'm open to discussing these things always.

And for those asking what I thought a terf was? I've seen some comments on here at times that can be quite mean as opposed to just opinion and quite cruel towards people with gender dysmorphia.
Life is hard enough for these people, I've worked with small kids with genuine GD and parents who have struggled with it massively so I've seen first hand it's not just a fad for lots of people. (Although it's definitely worth noting for some, it is)
I try to take people as individuals, not as a label. Like I've said I really hate people who've hurt kids? Well I do, but I'm happy to write to prisoners who may have because I believe that someone so isolated stands no chance of rehabilitation and as a survivor of CSA I hope that I can help somewhere in someone's journey to not want to have a life stuck in prison. (My DP thinks I'm mental for this BTW, he supports me because he loves me, completely disagrees with my theory on why I do it)
Anyway I'm sorry for long post and indecisive answers but I'm trying to cover everything before the kids wake up and start being hooligans.

Redbird87 · 27/04/2023 02:39

Funnily, any dating apps specifically for biological women, much like our restrooms and prisons, are immediately invaded by violent, litigious perverts.

xbluefairytale · 27/04/2023 01:40

I deleted the app today. Their aggressive message pushed me off

ArabeIIaScott · 26/04/2023 22:44

MAN-GET-OUT.

In response to the TERFS GET OUT in the OP.

Righthandcider · 26/04/2023 22:43

My brain is befuddled from 12 hours at work and I am failing to grasp your mangetout joke @ArabeIIaScott.

DerekFaker · 26/04/2023 22:38

We'd have to stay overnight sometimes in that job and my fave colleague who was a lesbian used to really enjoy farting on his pillow, so small victories I guess?

Ha ha ha!

Hagosaurus · 26/04/2023 22:28

Lwrenagain welcome! I would say your views are pretty close to mine - curious as to what you thought ‘terfs’ actually do believe?

Hagosaurus · 26/04/2023 22:23

Arabella

**MANGETOUT 😂😂😂

IcakethereforeIam · 26/04/2023 21:06

Baby steps, she's just had terfdom thrust upon her.

literalviolence · 26/04/2023 21:05

No TW should be in a female prison and that's not yours to give away.

Lwrenagain · 26/04/2023 21:05

😂😂😂

I'm off to arrange a rally as we speak 😁

Thanks for being so welcoming amigos x

Skankoot · 26/04/2023 20:59

MargotBamborough · 26/04/2023 20:57

At no point should any male who's committed a sex crime be put in a female prison, that's just nonsensical.

TERF!!

One of us, one of us.

MargotBamborough · 26/04/2023 20:57

At no point should any male who's committed a sex crime be put in a female prison, that's just nonsensical.

TERF!!

ArabeIIaScott · 26/04/2023 20:57

😁

MargotBamborough · 26/04/2023 20:56

ArabeIIaScott · 26/04/2023 20:53

Is there a room for an app for just women called MANGETOUT?

Mingetout, surely?

Lwrenagain · 26/04/2023 20:54

ArcticSkewer · 26/04/2023 20:32

@Lwrenagain sad news is that you don't get to decide you are not a terf, it's a label ascribed to you by others. Sadder news, it sounds like you are one. You say you would obviously exclude those who want to harm others but I'm afraid with self-id it isn't your place to decide if a male rapist is playing the system or genuine, for example. That would be a terfy opinion.

Ah well.
I'll live with that then won't I 😂

I'm happy to change and evolve my views, it's not I'm wishy washy but I'm happy to learn.
At no point should any male who's committed a sex crime be put in a female prison, that's just nonsensical.

And female prisoners are so so vulnerable, even if they seem solid af, the majority have been failed throughout their lives. Putting a rapist in with them, absolutely messed up.

A transwoman who's been done for fraud or something non violent or sexual?
Then I'm more open to the idea of her accessing a prison for women.

Tbh I think they need to overhaul prisons anyway and make them safer for everyone and actually have more rehabilitation take place but I'm sure they're going to remain shit.

ArabeIIaScott · 26/04/2023 20:53

Is there a room for an app for just women called MANGETOUT?

MargotBamborough · 26/04/2023 20:53

Lwrenagain · 26/04/2023 20:26

Hi, thanks for replying to me!

To answer questions I'm very aware my friends aren't magically biological men or women now. They are trans men and women and my belief is that they deserve to live their lives happily as they wish with respect and tolerance because having seen how much gender dysmorphia has ruined decades of their lives, I just want the best for them. I have to be honest, my TW pals wouldn't dream of encroaching on women's spaces so I've had no first hand experience of a pushy TW which I've read lots about on here. I'd never misgender my friends, they have had hormones, operations, all that invasive shit to live as the person they feel they are.
Whilst I do want everyone given respect and a life free of abuse and I'll stand by that, my absolute main opinion that trumps all other, is children need protection. They are the most vulnerable in society and they have so little rights and I could stand on my soapbox about that until someone pushed me off to shut me up, but nobody, no group, no person, should be given any rights that may cause harm to kids. I obviously care about women's rights or those of the elderly or disabled, but my most passionate feelings are towards kid safety.

My reasoning for not being a terf is the word exclusionary, I want to include as opposed to exclude people regardless of how they identify as a whole but obviously that's not extended to anyone who wants to actively harm others. I'm sure that can have holes picked in and happy to consider my own views.

I've probably not worded it wonderfully but I hope I've been somewhat clear 🙈

And my ex colleague who wanted his lesbian sister to was just a grim human being. He was everything that makes anyone with common sense cringe.
We'd have to stay overnight sometimes in that job and my fave colleague who was a lesbian used to really enjoy farting on his pillow, so small victories I guess?

TERF is just a slur used against people (mainly women) who don't agree that anyone who claims to have a transgender identity should just be allowed to do whatever the hell they want.

Some women have reclaimed the word TERF and use it about themselves. I don't use it unironically because as far as I'm concerned it's inaccurate.

Like a PP said, MERF would be more accurate. Our feminism isn't trans exclusionary, it's male exclusionary. So it includes trans men and female non binary people, but it doesn't include trans women, who are male and have their own equality movement. I don't think there's anything radical about that, to be honest. Feminism is for and about female people. The clue is in the word. People like Emma Watson are not actually feminists of any description.

Anyway, I hate to break it to you, but if you think that male athletes shouldn't be competing in women's sports, or that male rapists shouldn't be housed in women's prisons, or that female rape survivors should be allowed to have some single sex rape crisis support without any males present, most trans activists would say you are a TERF.

literalviolence · 26/04/2023 20:38

@Lwrenagain I'm afraid you are a radicalised term. The views you describe are full on terftastic. Anyone who does not think men can become women is a terf. What you've said about your trans friend not encroaching on women's spaces is particularly right wing (apparently). The thing is, terfs mostly do think like you. There's very few people who want trans people to be excluded from sex appropriate spaces or discriminated against because they wear clothes traditionally for the opposite sex or choose to have body altering surgery. It is TRA propaganda to suggest that those you describe as terfs do actually feel so anti trans. Please don't fall for it. You are as terf as they come. Terf is not a self ID. It's a statement that you believe in biological reality and sex based attraction.