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Original poster

Please help me pen a letter to school regarding my daughter TW/

31 replies

GCRules · 02/04/2023 11:07

TW/ CSA

My daughter is 14.

She is on the SEN register at school for several reasons. She has massive food issues. She has anxiety. Depression. She goes through phases of school refusal.

She has had over a year of school counselling.
She's on the waiting list for 2 outside agency therapies.

She goes to art therapy for children on the autism pathway.

She has a CAHMS referral ongoing for food issues and autism/ADHD assessment referal.

She disclosed to the school last year that she experienced CSA in primary school. We've been through hell the last year.

She was very pink princess in childhood. From Highschool onwards she became a tomboy.

I believe this is a direct result of the CSA. She rebelled against her body and feminity because of what happened to her.

She is still waiting for CSA therapy, though I don't think she is ready to do it anyways.

So she is very androgynous in her dressing and she is attracted to both boys and girls.

In year 8 she had a non binary teacher. This influenced her greatly and she began talking about being NB.

When she started year 9 it ebbed off (new teachers, less influence) however she then made a new friend in year 10, a boy. However it turn out this is a trans boy, bio female.

The NB stuff starts up again

Months ago her teacher told me that she had been using a different name with her friends.

I'm planning on taking to DD this week, whilst she's at home on Easter holidays.

She knows I am GC and refuses conversations with me. But I need to air my concerns.

I also want to take it up with the school.

I want to write a letter outlining the reasons I do not want them to engage in DD being NB and to only use her birth name and female pronouns.

I believe this reaction to her body, growing into a young woman, is a direct link to her trauma, her questioning sexuality and her (undiagnosed) Autism.

I don't know where to start.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 02/04/2023 12:06

My honest answer is to remove her from this school. Teachers are not there to discuss their own sexualities or identities. The fact that your DD has been influenced by a teacher who says they’re ‘non binary’ shows that the teacher is probably discussing this with her.
However, I’d wait until after Easter as the government claim to be bringing in some new guidelines for schools as a matter of urgency. You can then address your concerns in relation to these guidelines.

Original poster
GCRules · 02/04/2023 11:54

Sorry I don't want this thread to become an argument on pronouns and gender identity.

I was asking for help penning my own beliefs. If you don't share these beliefs please take that to another thread as I'm dealing with enough here already.

OP posts:
Original poster
GCRules · 02/04/2023 11:43

PinkyU · 02/04/2023 11:30

To whom it may concern,

We are aware that currently X is examining their gender identity, we are working with X at home with this.

We understand the schools stance on using preferred names and pronouns, however, we would request, given X’s complex support needs, that the school do not adopt this approach with X without input from specialist counsellors who manage the care of childhood survivors of abuse, as you are aware we are awaiting their input.

Regards……..

Whilst, yes, it is a little kicking the can down the road it does allow you some space to speak with your child and hopefully get some guidance from professionals.

I am not gender critical, I’m supportive of using preferred names and pronouns (hence my pronoun neutrality above) and am generally to be found in disagreement with the majority of things that are said on this board, however given the complexities of your situation I really do think there needs to be a fair amount of psychological support and knowledge in place before non professionals potentially muddy the waters for a very vulnerable young person.

Sorry I appreciate the time you've taken to write this but I don't agree with your first sentence. I don't lieve in gender identity. There's nothing to explore. She's a young woman. Nothing changes that, make up, no make up. Long hair, short. Skirt or trousers. Non of that has any bearing on the fact she is a girl.

She can explore her aesthetic, her look but she's still a girl.

OP posts:
PinkyU · 02/04/2023 11:30

To whom it may concern,

We are aware that currently X is examining their gender identity, we are working with X at home with this.

We understand the schools stance on using preferred names and pronouns, however, we would request, given X’s complex support needs, that the school do not adopt this approach with X without input from specialist counsellors who manage the care of childhood survivors of abuse, as you are aware we are awaiting their input.

Regards……..

Whilst, yes, it is a little kicking the can down the road it does allow you some space to speak with your child and hopefully get some guidance from professionals.

I am not gender critical, I’m supportive of using preferred names and pronouns (hence my pronoun neutrality above) and am generally to be found in disagreement with the majority of things that are said on this board, however given the complexities of your situation I really do think there needs to be a fair amount of psychological support and knowledge in place before non professionals potentially muddy the waters for a very vulnerable young person.

SapphosRock · 02/04/2023 11:26

Sorry you are going through this.

I would try and keep it as short and to the point as possible and keep emotion out of it.

'DD is struggling with mental health and a possible autism diagnosis. As she is a vulnerable teenager I need the school to work with me on the following safeguarding requirements'

And then list the things you would like the school to agree to.

Original poster
GCRules · 02/04/2023 11:09

Also, I feel its important to state this school has THREE trans or NB teachers.

I was also told there are many children claiming to be under the trans umbrella in the school who refuse to tell their parents and school cannot, so they are living double lives inside school and out.

I will not allow my daughter to partake in that.

OP posts: