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Original poster

Residential trips

236 replies

JustFuckOffPlease · 18/03/2023 11:52

Name changed for this.
I knew it was only a matter of time.

I teach in a secondary school and we've so far not experienced too many challenges to our single sex provisions despite having increasing numbers of teens (mostly girls) that socially transition for a short period.

I'm running a week's residential course (tied to my subject) for 14 yr olds and one biological male who identifies as a girl has requested that they share with their friends. Girls. I responded before half term to this request and said that they must share with friends of the same biological sex. It went very quiet for weeks, but yesterday afternoon, parents have emailed me, cc'ing the Head to express their dissatisfaction that their child can't share with their female friends.

The accommodation we use are dormitories - minimum of 4 sharing, maximum of 8. I've emailed the hostel (who frequently run school trips) to see what their policy is on these matters so I'll hopefully hear on Monday.

We have quite a strong LGBT staff body and an SLT that will tick all the boxes to be seen to be doing the 'right thing'.

I'm anticipating being told that I need to listen to these parents who are insisting that I let their DC share and to not be discriminated against.

What are my options here? There's 4 staff attending this trip, 2 male 2 female. I organise it and I do NOT agree with biological males sharing a bedroom and changing rooms with biological females, no matter what feelings they have.

OP posts:
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Return2thebasic · 06/04/2023 20:45

@Skye85 , no, about drag queens in school for story time. But I only found the report by three sources online (The Times, Telegraph and another one), so not entirely sure if it's true or not.

Just worried about the direction that the NTU takes. When it's like that, worried if OP would get the support she needs.

Skye85 · 06/04/2023 20:29

Return2thebasic · 06/04/2023 16:47

Just saw the other thread about NTU's decision.

Hope things worked out alright for you, OP. Really hope you avoided being pressured in any sense.

Which other thread ? In relation to this one ?

Return2thebasic · 06/04/2023 16:47

Just saw the other thread about NTU's decision.

Hope things worked out alright for you, OP. Really hope you avoided being pressured in any sense.

Noshowlomo · 03/04/2023 19:37

Is there any update on this OP?

Return2thebasic · 30/03/2023 10:30

Thank you, OP, for standing up for the girls. It requires courage and great care for others to do so, while those who don't are choosing to bury their heads in sand.

Hope it's sorted smoothly and swiftly.

Nimbostratus100 · 30/03/2023 07:33

thinking of you OP

💪

viques · 29/03/2023 22:23

Well done. I think there will be an interesting discussion at the pupils home this evening. I imagine that most young people would choose going on the trip and sharing with same sex friends than not going on the trip at all. I suppose the issue could well be whether the parents recognise that inclusion on the trip and the child’s desire to be with friends and have the trip experience weighs heavier than making a point about the child’s current gender identification. I hope for the child’s sake that the parents don’t choose this as the hill to die on.

QueenHippolyta · 29/03/2023 22:06

Good for you, now speak to the insurers. So if the parents make a fuss, you can say "I'm sorry but the school insurers won't permit it."

Sugarfree23 · 29/03/2023 21:57

Well played Op I do hope that's the end of it.

BellaAmorosa · 29/03/2023 20:57

Brilliant, OP. There's a chance it could all end here - depends if the mum tries to bully you. You're handling it really well!

Original poster
JustFuckOffPlease · 29/03/2023 20:52

The pupil has paid a deposit so I've bitten the bullet and told them that I've contacted the course providers and that they have a choice of a large dorm with their same sex friends or, I could sort a smaller room for them and one or two close friends of the same sex.

I kept it simple. They didn't respond but I assume that I'll be hearing back from their parents soon.

I also get on very well with the Chair of Gov's who's fairly conservative in their thinking. Looking forward to seeing them before term breaks for a quick chat.

Head still hasn't been down 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
GrumpyPanda · 29/03/2023 13:12

JustFuckOffPlease · 24/03/2023 19:11

Lasts of the deposits have been paid today and the trip is officially closed. I've requested the list from admin so I'll know on Monday whether this particular pupil is on the trip.

The Head is aware (I've had a tip off) and has yet to approach me. I think they're waiting burying head until it has to be dealt with. Previous conversations re toilets and previous training leaves them with absolute certainty my view on this. I think they're avoiding me.

Bring it on I say.

Any news, @JustFuckOffPlease?

Original poster
JustFuckOffPlease · 26/03/2023 21:28

QueenHippolyta · 25/03/2023 18:29

@JustFuckOffPlease
Can you directly contact the school's insurers...act all nervous, timid and want their wise advice because you don't want the school to get in trouble...
then you can approach the Head ( if the school is not covered) inform her and let her realize you've saved her ass...

Food for thought!

OP posts:
QueenHippolyta · 25/03/2023 18:29

@JustFuckOffPlease
Can you directly contact the school's insurers...act all nervous, timid and want their wise advice because you don't want the school to get in trouble...
then you can approach the Head ( if the school is not covered) inform her and let her realize you've saved her ass...

dimorphism · 25/03/2023 15:30

If you don't tell parents a biological boy is going to be in with the girls you are taking away the choices they should have as primary adults responsible for safeguarding their children.

I think any legal action taken on that basis would be a slam dunk.

If you told parents, I bet so many girls parents would pull them out the trip couldn't go ahead.

The insurers I am sure would not be happy with this. Because parents aren't informed of the risks - if they're not informed, the school would be liable.

arethereanyleftatall · 24/03/2023 20:34

I haven't had time to read the thread, so massive apologies if this has already been said, but even if the girls say this is fine, it's because they have been completely indoctrinated to say it is. They have grown up with 'be kind, girls, only boys feelings matter' their whole lives. They are scared and confused. If I was a mother of one of the girls, I would be kicking off big time - we HAVE to protect them because they can't.

Delphinium20 · 24/03/2023 20:27

Keep us posted. Thank you, again, for protecting girls.

BellaAmorosa · 24/03/2023 20:06

Good luck, OP.

Nimbostratus100 · 24/03/2023 19:52

Thinking of you

Original poster
JustFuckOffPlease · 24/03/2023 19:11

Lasts of the deposits have been paid today and the trip is officially closed. I've requested the list from admin so I'll know on Monday whether this particular pupil is on the trip.

The Head is aware (I've had a tip off) and has yet to approach me. I think they're waiting burying head until it has to be dealt with. Previous conversations re toilets and previous training leaves them with absolute certainty my view on this. I think they're avoiding me.

Bring it on I say.

OP posts:
ghostofadog · 23/03/2023 13:39

Thank you for standing firm on this OP, and for protecting girls.

I think the discussion with SLT needs to start from the position of asking why do we not have mixed sex sleeping arrangements? Reason one is because of risk of pregnancy and sexual assault. Does the 'trans' status of the young person mean they are unable to have sex with girls? No. Therefore he cannot share with girls. Next step is, how can we make this trip work for the transgirl given he cannot share with girls. Could he share with one or two other boys who are friends with him and won't give him a hard time? If not, single room and be sympathetic to how he feels, make sure he's included, watch out for bullying etc.

I also agree with a previous poster about how damaging it is to hand so much power to kids by going along with the fiction that they have changed sex. Everyone could be respectful of individual gender choices while still being clear that sex matters in a few specific situations and all this stress could be avoided. These poor 'trans' kids are being turned into perpetual victims, their sense of self totally dependent on compelling others to go along it and always knowing deep down that it's a lie.

NCTDN · 22/03/2023 20:30

Op, how have you got on? I can't believe there's been a case in a primary school!

Vebrithien · 22/03/2023 10:21

Thank you @JustFuckOffPlease for standing up to this.

I'm a teacher too. This is currently my worst nightmare. It's only a matter of time before is happens at my school.

HagoftheNorth · 21/03/2023 13:47

To reiterate earlier pp, thank you op for being prepared to take this on while others (eg the residential accommodation provider) carefully look the other way & slope their shoulders. Safeguarding should not be a matter for the children, not really for their parents, and nor should one member of staff be made to take on all the responsibility.

I really hope that you now have support from other staff members & are able to get this sorted quickly 💐

DeanVolecapeAKAelderberry · 21/03/2023 13:42

That comment could make anyone think they are more intelligent and that there's no point in reading anything you post.

Maybe consider the point rather than attacking people who point out how silly you seem.

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