Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

the Sex topic on MN

140 replies

beastlyslumber · 25/02/2023 09:45

I couldn't see a thread in FWR, though there are plenty in Site Stuff and AIBU. I thought it would be good to hear what women here think, especially about the safeguarding fails. MN hosting discussion of people graphically describing CSA and a 'sex chat' for people to find hook ups. Justine's response was to say that maybe they underestimated the negative impact, but they're going to carry on anyway. Posters who've reported threads and comments have been ignored.

I don't see how MN can keep going as a parenting site if it is failing on very basic safeguarding. Someone on another thread pointed out that sex forums at least have a bare minimum of safeguards, such as age verification, a list of banned topics, and active moderation (rather than the after-the-fact reports and deletions MN usually do.)

There are also concerns that it changes the nature of the people coming to post on MN and generally makes women less able to access the help and advice they need. I've noticed for a while that there's more victim blaming and misogyny in the relationships topic - apparently MN changed the posting rules last year so that new users only have to wait 7 days to post in the sex topic, where it was previously 90. So it's possible that the change there is related to that.

Sorry for the long OP! Just really wondering what women here think.

OP posts:
BatFaceOwl · 20/03/2023 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SerafinasGoose · 20/03/2023 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

There are a lot of these, too.

One was removed from this site for trailing me around every board with abusive comments. Every time I commented on the subject, up they popped, and it became relentless. This is because I dare to speak openly about my experiences of rape and am not going to shut up in order to make the Pickmes feel more comfortable.

These posters home in on rape victims like wasps to a treacle jar (cf. Vancouver rape crisis and the case of Sarah and Suffolk Rape Crisis). These people, and the ideology they spout, are showing exactly who they are. This is why there's now a huge turning of the tide of public opinion against them, and why drawing attention to their 'cause' will eventually kill off off their toxic, incendiary movement. That process has already started.

Kicking victims of rape is aiming really low, but this sort of thing is their MO (and in more than a few cases, how they get their sexual kicks. Some people - unfortunately not excluding some women - really, really hate women.

HeyYallDamnRight · 20/03/2023 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MartiniFlan · 20/03/2023 09:41

SerafinasGoose · 15/03/2023 15:36

If there are threads about women asserting even minor forms of independence like what family names they call themselves or the titles they use; if they object to being told to 'smile, love!'; or (especially) if they are victims of VAWG, domestic abuse or sexual violence/abuse, the MRAs will smell it through cyberspace from a million miles away and swoop on in like crows to carrion.

That's without the ones who pervade FWR to tell women off for daring to assert their rights.

It's noticeably worse lately and is causing a more combative dynamic across the whole site.

Show quote history

This with bells on. Same with the men who post 10 paragraph navel-gazing 'help me, ladies' shit on the relationships board. If they genuinely wanted a woman's point of view and would be open to hearing it without being defensive, fair enough - but in almost every case it's a man who's been a shit to his partner, wants women to coddle his ego, and when they don't, he kicks off. Like there are no other forums anywhere on the internet he could go, he has to pick the one that is majority women.

Original poster
beastlyslumber · 20/03/2023 09:34

Mermaidparades · 20/03/2023 09:30

@beastlyslumber I’m neither misogynist nor do I condone rape or sexual assault. Please save the judgement

I'm judging you based on your own words. If you don't want to be thought of as a rape apologist, don't make excuses for rape.

OP posts:
Mermaidparades · 20/03/2023 09:30

@beastlyslumber I’m neither misogynist nor do I condone rape or sexual assault. Please save the judgement

ANewCreation · 20/03/2023 09:29

www.consentiseverything.com/#

"They might say "yes please that's kind of you" and then when the tea arrives they actually don't want the tea at all. Sure, that's kind of annoying as you've gone to all the effort of making the tea, but they remain under no obligation to drink the tea.

They did want tea, now they don't. Some people change their mind in the time it takes to boil that kettle, brew the tea and add the milk. And it's ok for people to change their mind. And you are still not entitled to watch them drink it."

Mermaidparades · 20/03/2023 09:27

@CryptoFascistMadameCholet as I wrote in the next sentence : ‘however, it is important to give the full details.’

CryptoFascistMadameCholet · 20/03/2023 09:23

Mermaidparades · 20/03/2023 08:56

I had no intentions of engaging with this thread, however, it is important to give the full details.They were discussing having another child then had unprotected sex. Describing that as rape is actually harmful.

Why are you posting on a thread you have ‘no intentions of engaging with’?

beastlyslumber · 20/03/2023 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mermaidparades · 20/03/2023 09:14

I’m a woman! A Mum! I hope people do actually read the original thread

Original poster
beastlyslumber · 20/03/2023 09:05

That's such a disgusting misrepresentation of the OP. Actually vile. Please, please just go away. You're a liar and a rape apologist and it's actually fucked up that you are doing this.

People can go to that thread and see it for themselves. I hate that MN is being left to men like you.

OP posts:
Mermaidparades · 20/03/2023 08:56

I had no intentions of engaging with this thread, however, it is important to give the full details.They were discussing having another child then had unprotected sex. Describing that as rape is actually harmful.

Original poster
beastlyslumber · 20/03/2023 08:48

As I said, take your rape apologetics elsewhere. I don't care if you find that rude. I find your rape apologies absolutely disgusting.

OP posts:
Mermaidparades · 20/03/2023 08:39

Or hers.

CryptoFascistMadameCholet · 20/03/2023 08:30

Mermaidparades · 20/03/2023 08:26

You’re so very rude. You have no idea of my background or personal history. I still don’t believe that man was a rapist. Especially given his reaction when he realised his partner was upset.

Beastly isn’t rude.

Whether that man is a rapist or not is not decided by your belief.

Mermaidparades · 20/03/2023 08:26

You’re so very rude. You have no idea of my background or personal history. I still don’t believe that man was a rapist. Especially given his reaction when he realised his partner was upset.

Original poster
beastlyslumber · 20/03/2023 08:21

It wasn't about contraception ffs. It was about him doing a sexual act against his partner's consent.

Just take your rape apologetics somewhere else.

OP posts:
Mermaidparades · 20/03/2023 08:14

I read the thread from last night too, you haven’t given a full synopsis of the story, have you? About how they had been discussing having another child etc. Also the pull out method isn’t exactly a decent form of contraception. Not according to science/ medicine.

Original poster
beastlyslumber · 20/03/2023 08:03

So last night I couldn't sleep and was skimming through MN. A thread appeared from a woman saying she felt violated after her partner came inside her against her wishes and consent. Almost every comment was calling the woman out as overreacting and some said hysterical. Pp were saying that it was offensive to use the word violation when her husband hadn't done anything wrong, etc etc. You get the picture.

Then I looked at a thread in FWR about religious women being prostituted and there are actual punters on there, defending women's "choice" to do "sex work".

I'm really pissed off with MN for turning a woman-centred, sensible site into a magnet for rape apologists and actual rapists.

OP posts:
SerafinasGoose · 15/03/2023 15:36

Justnot · 15/03/2023 15:14

I’ve really noticed recently how the incel/MRA/TRA types seem to get away with behaviour that would get other threads deleted because either made up or not posted in good faith (I’m no expert compared to long time users and posters having mostly lurked for years until I found FWR)

I have just emailed MNHQ about it for all the good it will do

If there are threads about women asserting even minor forms of independence like what family names they call themselves or the titles they use; if they object to being told to 'smile, love!'; or (especially) if they are victims of VAWG, domestic abuse or sexual violence/abuse, the MRAs will smell it through cyberspace from a million miles away and swoop on in like crows to carrion.

That's without the ones who pervade FWR to tell women off for daring to assert their rights.

It's noticeably worse lately and is causing a more combative dynamic across the whole site.

Justnot · 15/03/2023 15:14

I’ve really noticed recently how the incel/MRA/TRA types seem to get away with behaviour that would get other threads deleted because either made up or not posted in good faith (I’m no expert compared to long time users and posters having mostly lurked for years until I found FWR)

I have just emailed MNHQ about it for all the good it will do

KittyKlaws · 15/03/2023 15:02

I didn't even know about this. I enter the site via FWR and rarely stray further, sometimes I go to books, health or TV and very occasionally I peek at AIBU, so this has passed me by. Unlike a lot of people I was on a different parenting site so when I came to MN (years ago now when my kids were little) I came for FWR and it is why I stayed. So I'm really glad this thread is here, it has been very informative as are the further links provided. I have archived a few of the threads on this subject (just in case).

I used to post a lot, now I barely do (free speech issues, breaches etc) but I find this particular direction of the site concerning particularly considering the demonizing of the FWR board in recent years and considering historical issues of punter mansplainers piling on every thread about so called 'sex work' (prostitution). Now apparently we are just inviting these men here to have a shot at mothers, nice. I am a bit pissed off that FWR has been considered so problematic but apparently all this with the Sex topic is A-ok. Mind boggling and a great example as someone said upthread (or on another on this topic) of Bill Hick's monologue on marketing, very appropriate.

Thanks for the heads up OP, I'll be keeping an eye on this along with (I suspect) others from this thread.

Mermaidparades · 15/03/2023 14:41

‘You people’ 🤣 we’re a breed of our own

SerendipityJane · 15/03/2023 14:36

No fighting in the war room !