Just resigned due to abusive male ‘customer’. I feel so sad and humiliated.

It's Op threads like this ect,

Really makes me think wonder,
I wish they had a TripAdvisor type of thing, which was work related about people's experinces with various well known and not so well known companies ect,
And a star rating of how good and shit they are in different ways and how they can improve themselves,
Like they have for guests rating hotels /guest houses ect,

It would be obviously anonymous and also hot tel lines and websites, of various companies ect you can could whistle-blower anonymously

Hi Op

Sorry to hear you had such shitty experience like that,

How can your work place expect loyalty to their company when they treat employees like yourself like this, !!!???

In all situations like this Companies should allways have employees safety back as its of paramount importance,

You are not just cogs in endless working wheel,
Robots 🤖 that are programmed to do and say what we want you to do etc ect,
Not what higher up people would be expected to put up with or something,

Really Angry 😠 that Security people were not called in to have a word with him,

That's says it all doesn't it,

They care about their fxckin stock of goods, Profit
Than shit about anything else really

There is a massive power imbalance between men and women due to the comparative size, voice resonance, physical and social power men wield. This is why women need to feel safe and have safe spaces for themselves away from men. She was prevented from going to a safe space and as the victim of domestic abuse as a child, it is understandable she cannot allow herself to be in such a situation again. That doesn’t mean she won’t be able to get another job.

OP please don't resign. That's hurting yourself because this bastard has hurt you. I'm sorry for what you went through. And sorry that you work with such unsupportive people. But use this as the starting point for finding another job. Leave when you are ready. Don't give him the power to reset further stress for you.

There is no 'humiliation' in weeping. We are all human and we all cry when we're upset. You had an awful experience. Of course your were shaken and crying. Very natural and normal response.

OP firstly that is horrible and I am so sorry you went through it. Definitely consider self certify as sick tomorrow and have a phone consult with your GP. I understand you not wanting to go back and realistically that might be best for you, in the end. But going off sick is fair considering how shook up you are. It gives you time and you will still be getting paid.

A big company should have Occupational Health, which I think is relevant here. You have had an incident at work that has made you unfit for work. That is OH.

Hi OP - so sorry this has happened to you.

And totally support you doing whatever feels best for you are the moment.

But just like to echo what others have said ie get advice from ACAS, and if you are not part of a union maybe with the help of your husband find information about worker's rights and safety. And see if there is anything in your contract or original job offer that lays out how your (ex)employers say they will ensure staff can work in safety. (Is it written down anywhere that security are for goods not staff?)

Also, and you may not want to do this, but as you have said part of your response was from your experience of domestic violence, maybe have a telephone consultation with your doctor / surgery. Not necessarily to ask for medication or anything, but to have it on record that this incident has has a servere impact on you. Also should it come about that you need to claim benefit while looking for other work, it will help your claim to show that you didn't just resign on a whim, but because of the behaviour of customers and the employer not having safety measures in place.

And it might sound strange, but is it possible that your manager would write you a reference?

Sorry probably going into too much detail.

But hope even if only for the first week of the holiday due, you can maybe take a few days to just act like being on holiday and get as much rest and comfort as you can.

Best wishes

Ring in sick. Take some time to get over the shock then ring ACAS.

@Onnabugeisha - seriously can you not hear yourself and the impression you are giving.

OP has explained how this has impacted on her.

She has asked for support / help.

You may think she was wrong to react as she did, but this is what has happened.

Why would you want to add to her distress by tormenting her with your oh so superior behaviour.

If you found someone crying in the street, would you go up and shout at them.

Just stop.

Don't hand in your notice, ring in sick due to work related stress and go to your doctor tell them how its affected you and get signed off. If you get sick pay, it gives you and work time to think things over, maybe they'll make improvements, maybe after a few weeks you'll feel better about the incidence. All while in the meantime looking for another job. This could mean you won’t lose income or have to worry about claiming benefits. You wouldn't have to answer difficult questions from a new employer about why you resigned without another job to go to. If you still want to resign, you should work out your budget. This will tell you how long you’ll be able to manage for before you find another job. If it’s not for very long, it could be better to wait a bit longer before you resign.

If you or your partner get any benefits, check if stopping work will affect them. For example, you could get less Universal Credit for 3 months or longer if the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) says you didn’t have a good reason for resigning. This is called a sanction.

Contact your nearest Citizens Advice if you need to work out how your benefits might change.
They should be able to also check what other benefits you could get xxx

Well said. Onnabugeisha is displaying no empathy whatsoever. I’m very sorry you are going through this, and I hope you can take some encouragement from those who do have empathy.

Why did you resign? Did you like the job apart from this incident?

I'm not sure it will teach your employers a lesson- well a very short term one- a better lesson would be if you stayed and either forced them to change or took them on legally.
Also it sounds as if your manager has tried to help - she has offered solutions - do these not work? what would you want to be able to do in that situation?

can't you just take some time off to think about it?

I completely understand being shaken by the encounter. Absolutely disgusting behaviour from the "man".

OP, what would you have liked for the company to have done, to help you stay at work?

I do think the emotions OP, are somewhat clouding the decision making here.

Also, similar encounters will be abundant in the care setting. Depending on placement, worse than retail. So not so sure I'd head that way.

OP it's a shame you resigned so quickly. I'd have taken some time off, ie, sick note from the Dr from stress and then saw how I'd felt after that (or looked for a other job while at least still being paid if you wanted to). Then before going back, speak to the manager at what security measures they will be putting in place so that something like this does not happen again. But what's done is done and you need to look after your own mental health and wellbeing. There's plenty of jobs out there that isn't customer facing. The general public can be nasty as sin 😒

Employers have a duty of care towards your welfare. They failed by the sounds of it. I would explore employment tribunal and any union helplines.

OP what a horrible experience that must have been. But please don’t feel any humiliation or shame, that’s all on him. Your reaction comes from being a decent human being with feelings. Your manager needs to address the safety of staff . I wouldn’t resign. Have some time off and think about your options.

Well it's the "I had to hostess and deal with big guns so what's wrong with you". Self centered.

This is completely irrelevant to UK employment law.

When I've worked in public facing roles where this kind of thing (potential violence, misogynist men) was an issue, we generally had signals and designated members of male staff who would step in and deal with the situation.

Are you really coming on the feminism section to complain the OP, who has dealt with DV in the past, hasn't had to deal with aggressive men with guns so hasnt had it as bad as you?

Women shouldn't have to be 'tough enough' because some aggressive man decided she should be his verbal punching bag that day.

And I managed retail staff for 6 years and I would never have expected her to stay and be abused or for security to not come to her aid.

Society has let her down by allowing an environment where men get away with being abusive. The store has let her down by not having procedures in place to protect her. She has not let herself down by not being tough enough.

Retail jobs are generally staffed by women. And suprise suprise they get treated like shit (see also nurses). Going around treating those women with contempt if they can't cope with that as well as you just perpetuates the idea that lower paid women can be treated badly

Perhaps if more staff walked out when customers were abusive then the store would have been procedures in place to protect them

OP I wouldn’t have been able to stay either. I wouldn’t have stayed because of the abysmal back up from the team. You’ve been let down by them. Problem is now you have no faith in the team. It would be silly to put yourself back into that situation. I get it 💐

I'm so sorry, OP. What an utter shit.

The only person who's disgraced themself is him. And your employer should have your back.