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Original poster

Chucked out of FB group - Host a Sister

91 replies

Patty2012 · 06/02/2023 21:20

So, I got kicked out of a FB group today. It's called 'Host a Sister'. It's basically couch-surfing for women, but it's also something that's been used by women fleeing war-torn areas or domestic violence. The whole group is intended to be a safe space for women who travel and who would like to be hosted by other women - for obvious reasons.
A "queer, non-binary" couple - one woman, one man - otherwise known as a straight couple - were looking for somewhere to stay in Amsterdam. they looked pretty alternative and explained they were into the party scene. They came across as decent people. There must have been a few comments about one of them being a man though because the admin complained about how mean people were being, how offensive and how it was supposed to be an inclusive group and a safe space for women to travel. Hundreds and hundreds of women in the group agreed with the admin. And I just don't get it. So, I said so. And boom! Kicked out.
How can these women not see it? How can they not see that predatory men need only say they're trans or non-binary to gain access to their homes? Or that they could be travelling and end up being tricked into staying in a man's house. This is why the group was created in the first place! I don't understand it. And there's no debate. I raised a concern and was ousted from the group. Why can't we just talk about it? Why don't those women know what the word "sister" means? Where are we going with this? It feels like the battle is already lost.
AND - this is turning into a waffling rant - a few weeks ago, someone who I considered a very close friend - a man - texted me to ask me why I seemed to be so obsessed with women who have penises these days. I just replied, "There's no such thing as a woman with a penis" and he hasn't spoken to me since. We're CLOSE friends. And it's over. He's a big leftie - as am I - but doesn't seem to have put any thought into this. He just sees me as being unkind. I don't know what to do about it. Why would I suddenly be unkind? He KNOWS me. He KNOWS I'm not unkind.

OP posts:
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6
ShireWifeofNigelFarage · 08/02/2023 13:00

Lheuredubebe · 08/02/2023 12:50

Have gone back and read the first page of the thread. This is from the admin 16h ago, mentioning men are allowed. It's not exclusively for women.

What an utter shit show of a disappointment that group is!

Why can’t women have our own stuff anymore?
Or at the very least, why can’t groups have names that make their mixed-sex membership clear?

It’s all bullshit. I’m sick of it. It’s time to take our stuff back and tell the ball-sac-carriers to cock off.

ShireWifeofNigelFarage · 08/02/2023 12:58

FatGirlSwim · 08/02/2023 12:20

Perhaps your friend has given it a lot of thought, sees the anti-trans rhetoric as prejudice and doesn’t want to engage? Just like you wouldn’t engage in debate with someone who holds racist views?

Or perhaps penis-people stick up for other penis-people.

IS pro-female anti-trans? 🤔🧐

Lheuredubebe · 08/02/2023 12:50

Have gone back and read the first page of the thread. This is from the admin 16h ago, mentioning men are allowed. It's not exclusively for women.

Chucked out of FB group - Host a Sister
Chucked out of FB group - Host a Sister
FatGirlSwim · 08/02/2023 12:20

Perhaps your friend has given it a lot of thought, sees the anti-trans rhetoric as prejudice and doesn’t want to engage? Just like you wouldn’t engage in debate with someone who holds racist views?

ShireWifeofNigelFarage · 08/02/2023 12:20

FatSealSmugSoup · 08/02/2023 12:07

I’m an old cynic - and the “have fun with” is setting off alarm bells for me.

Host a sister? Absolutely. Host your sex-pest boyfriend? Nah.

Ha.

Damn right.

Lheuredubebe · 08/02/2023 12:18

The Amsterdam one is the couple the OP refers to. The other two are random posts within the group that are similar. One by a lone woman, the other by a straight couple.

Chucked out of FB group - Host a Sister
Chucked out of FB group - Host a Sister
Chucked out of FB group - Host a Sister
Hoppinggreen · 08/02/2023 12:14

maddy68 · 07/02/2023 14:44

Of course that want can be fulfilled or at least a large way towards That's why they have surgery and hormone treatment

If you want to be 24 You can also have cosmetics surgery , botox , make up etc.

Show quote history

All the make up and surgery in the world might make me look a bit more like a 24 year old than I do now but I can never actually be one.
Seeing a pattern here?

Lheuredubebe · 08/02/2023 12:13

AlisonDonut · 08/02/2023 12:10

Hang on. So a straight couple who 'like a party' had the piss ripped out of them because they self define as queer?

Show quote history

Here's what they actually said: "We are both extroverted, love meeting new people and hanging out with them, love parties and interesting events," , people were taking the piss because "queer isn't a thing" etc. It's literally in the group rules to not bully/shame.

Lheuredubebe · 08/02/2023 12:12

FatSealSmugSoup · 08/02/2023 12:07

I’m an old cynic - and the “have fun with” is setting off alarm bells for me.

Host a sister? Absolutely. Host your sex-pest boyfriend? Nah.

I understand where you're coming from, but the majority of posts on that group say similar, whether it includes men or not. It's to differentiate the different types of hosts/guests - some want peace and quiet, and others want to socialise. It's 100% normal.

AlisonDonut · 08/02/2023 12:10

Lheuredubebe · 08/02/2023 11:57

Also, people weren't being mean because "there was a man" but because they were claiming to have no idea what "non-binary" or "queer" meant and were taking the piss out of them. You'd be right if it was solely for women, but this one clearly isn't given the number of hosts who accept men and the number of people who advertise that there's a man in their group, despite the name "host a sister".

Hang on. So a straight couple who 'like a party' had the piss ripped out of them because they self define as queer?

FatSealSmugSoup · 08/02/2023 12:07

I’m an old cynic - and the “have fun with” is setting off alarm bells for me.

Host a sister? Absolutely. Host your sex-pest boyfriend? Nah.

Lheuredubebe · 08/02/2023 12:05

MichelleScarn · 08/02/2023 12:00

@Lheuredubebe what does 'up for a party' mean? Is it just being sociable or something else like swinging?
Do you know the couple in question to say that they are 'really nice'?

Here's exactly what they said "We are going to be away all day, we will barely be at home, we just need a safe place to spend the night, and not freeze outside! We are both extroverted, love meeting new people and hanging out with them, love parties and interesting events, and aside from a host we would like to make friends we can talk to and have fun with. Of course, if that's not something you are interested in, we can be very discreet and just sleep and leave without bothering you more than we absolutely need to."

Not unlike every other post on the group, where people explain their likes/dislikes, personality type etc so they can "match" with someone similar with who they'll get on. On a group where it states nowhere at all, not even in the rules, that it's exclusively for women. Their interaction was respectful and kind. I'd get the OPs point if it was women only, but it isn't and they didn't feel the need to comment on any of the other posts including men, so...

MichelleScarn · 08/02/2023 12:00

@Lheuredubebe what does 'up for a party' mean? Is it just being sociable or something else like swinging?
Do you know the couple in question to say that they are 'really nice'?

Lheuredubebe · 08/02/2023 11:57

Also, people weren't being mean because "there was a man" but because they were claiming to have no idea what "non-binary" or "queer" meant and were taking the piss out of them. You'd be right if it was solely for women, but this one clearly isn't given the number of hosts who accept men and the number of people who advertise that there's a man in their group, despite the name "host a sister".

Lheuredubebe · 08/02/2023 11:55

Hang on - I'm in that group and saw that post and yes you were totally in the wrong. I've just had a look at the group again and there have been 5 requests for hosting that include women and their male partners in the past 1 hour, it's a normal, accepted part of the group. Why are not commenting on their posts instead? The couple in question were really nice, and stated that yes they'd be up for a party but are also 100% ok with keeping to themselves if that's what the host prefers. They said they'd be out for the majority of the day, every day, and only needed accommodation at night. You're kind of twisting this one, sorry.

OMG12 · 08/02/2023 11:49

Emotionalsupportviper · 08/02/2023 07:17

Exactly this.

They won't engage because they have no argument - we've seen this over and over again.

As soon as logic, biology, science and common sense are brought into it their whole house of straw is blown away. They can't maintain the facade without shutting contradictory opinions down.

Show quote history

NS has made that mistake of putting herself in a position where she actually has to talk about it, the whole thing has crumbled on prime time news!

OMG12 · 08/02/2023 11:45

KatMcBundleFace · 07/02/2023 07:09

Facebook is training admins to be "inclusive " - they have a special group for admins called Power Admins, run by fb staff. In it, admins get trained to hunt to bigot (eg people that believe in biological reality), presumably Facebook is after Stonewall points. Clearly mainly admins will have arrived at no debate by themselves too.

Maniacs.
Of course men shouldn't be allowed in a women's only hosting group. Well done for speaking up.

And it was good to see the Bethany Hamilton story break! I'm so sick of gc women being bullied

beachgrit.com/2023/02/world-surf-league-broadsided-by-surf-legends-including-kelly-slater-shane-dorian-bethany-hamilton-and-its-own-north-shore-water-patrol-loudly-denouncing-new-policy-allowing-trans-women-to-compete/

Ha - I’m admin of a really large Facebook group with thousands of members they can fuck off!

TheGreatATuin · 08/02/2023 07:56

PriOn1 · 07/02/2023 21:58

“They were open about who they were”

But it is now obvious that within the group, men are now allowed. The next man may not be open about it. What happens when a woman opens her door and finds a man on her doorstep who insists he’s a woman and expects to be allowed access?

Especially given the evidence from prisons that suggests that men who claim they are women are more likely to be sex offenders than other men.

This is a huge part of it. Any strange man who turns up on a woman's doorstep expecting that she let him in or or be publicly shamed is displaying a massive red flag.
He's making it clear that he feels entitled to override any 'no'.
Any male person who actually respects women would never put a woman in that situation.

Emotionalsupportviper · 08/02/2023 07:22

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/02/2023 10:11

Non binary people, by their own definition, are not women, @maddy68. Sterling input from you, as ever.

Touche!

Emotionalsupportviper · 08/02/2023 07:17

donquixotedelamancha · 06/02/2023 23:25

Why can't we just talk about it?

Because if you talk about it someone would eventually have to give some logical explanation as to why this bloke gets to be in the women only couch surfing group but all the others don't.

What possible reason could there be? There is just no argument that makes any sense. So the only solution is 'no debate'.

Exactly this.

They won't engage because they have no argument - we've seen this over and over again.

As soon as logic, biology, science and common sense are brought into it their whole house of straw is blown away. They can't maintain the facade without shutting contradictory opinions down.

croupy · 07/02/2023 22:56

well done to the surfer for speaking out!

Truthlikeness · 07/02/2023 22:15

Twice this week I've come across 'women and non-binary people'. One in relation a contact sport, the other a holiday retreat. No explanation of what non-binary means in either of these contexts - someone who's male but doesn't want to be called a man or someone who's female and doesn't want to be called a woman? And what makes it appropriate for an NB male to play a contact sport against women? What on earth do they have in common?

PriOn1 · 07/02/2023 21:58

“They were open about who they were”

But it is now obvious that within the group, men are now allowed. The next man may not be open about it. What happens when a woman opens her door and finds a man on her doorstep who insists he’s a woman and expects to be allowed access?

Especially given the evidence from prisons that suggests that men who claim they are women are more likely to be sex offenders than other men.

Bosky · 07/02/2023 21:17

Eyerollcentral · 07/02/2023 02:39

It is depressing beyond belief. The entitlement is mind blowing too. Why target a group called ‘host a sister’ when both members of the couple know one of them is a man? The women who go along with this movement genuinely bewilder me. The woman in that couple cannot really believe the man she presumably has sex with is anything other than a man.

"Why target a group called ‘host a sister’"

Read this and after you have got over the first reaction of, "Yeah! This is their fantasy! Ha ha ha!!!" think about all the real life examples we know about, in addition to the ones in the article.

This is what we are up against - for "TERFs" read "women, any women, ALL women"

Resisting TERF’s and Transforming Their Organizations

archive.is/queeratxlaura.wordpress.com/2020/05/27/resisting-terfs-and-transforming-their-organizations/

tobee · 07/02/2023 15:42

When friend says about why are you suddenly talking about those women with penises? The response is why are you suddenly saying that some women have penises? Who's told you to say that? It's not like people are all just suddenly independently thinking "some women have penises" in the last few years. People have told them to say that.