Your child isn't trans, she's just a tomboy

i used to be a tomboy. Dressed like a boy, wanted to BE a boy because it was crap being a girl. My (normal seventies) parents totally humoured me. They didn’t care, no need to label me. Then I grew up, went through puberty, discovered boys, grew my hair etc. and enjoyed being a normal teenage girl. Married with kids these days and thanking my lucky stars my tomboy days didn’t coincide with this damaging ideology.

I was never a 'girly' girl, I hated dolls and dresses etc and instead I played with cars and Action Man and when out playing always had a football.

This was in the 70's/80's and was just seen as normal behavior. I never once in my 50 odd years think I was born in the wrong body.

In today's world it's 'i think my ? year old is trans.....what a load of bolloks.....LET KIDS BE KIDS, STOP LABELLING THEM....

I was a tomboy and it terrifies me what would be happening to me if I was born 30 years later.

I had severe anxiety and OCD as a child, and would worry constantly that there was something ‘wrong’ with me.

I also had short hair, wore trousers, liked metalwork and woodwork, and climbing trees and riding my bike. I hated playing with Sindy dolls. I spent a lot of time alone, mooching or reading.

I would have totally been suckered into believing I was ‘trans’ if it had been a thing back then. I’d not have gone down the medical route, as I didn’t have the sort of parents I could have talked to about it, but I dread to think what it would have done to my mental health to have been told I was ‘in the wrong body.’ It’s beyond cruel.

Yes it seems like a 'fashion' to me and will get less when some other thing appears. DS went to one of those 'hippyish' type of schools in the 90s , there was one little boy in the infants who wore a tshirt on his head to simulate long hair, his mum said he was allowed to dress up in girls clothes when he got to school, they were all dressed up, it wasn't a big thing.

I was talking to someone I know the other day who’s dd is a teacher in a very…erm..progressive part of my city (think lots of hippy/free thinking types) and she said about half of her dd’s class identify as the opposite sex (these are 8-9 yr old). The children don’t have uniform and are allowed to dress as they like with boys running around in tutus etc.

I find it interesting as in my own much more traditional, right-wing voting area there are no children I know of in my DC’s school who identify as the opposite sex.

I wonder how much of these children’s ideas surrounding their identity comes from parental influence?

I was vulnerable growing up for various reasons, I was also a tomboy (I hate the phrase but the best way to put it), 100 percent I would have pushed to transition. I'd have been immersed in the Internet with promises of how I'd be 'cured' from hating my body and feeling like I don't belong, if this was also affirmed from others in schools etc especially from teachers who I looked up to, it would have become my salvation. Of course in reality in the long run mutilating my body and disrupting puberty wouldn't have solved anything, but for teenage me I just know I would have felt this way and so I absolutely do see how many children and teens end up here.

It's not the answer though is it. Instead of regressing as a society we should be championing the fact that girls and boys can like what they like, present how they wish without regressive gender stereotypes being pushed. That actually cutting off healthy body parts isn't going to cure what is going on in your head, nor is it going to address the underlying issues you face. There are particular demographics who identify as trans in much bigger numbers than others and that's telling.

It's not parents who are necessarily telling children changing sex is possible

But once that is mainstream it makes it much more likely that's the story children will chose for themselves

Sweeping generalisations that parents of tomboys are somehow pushing a trans agenda on their children is not helpful.

As other posters on this thread have pointed out, some of us spend our lives hoping our children will see that life as an unfeminine, possibly gay woman would be far easier and less physically damaging than transitioning. This is something I would not wish to happen to any parent, you question every decision you have ever made. I was one of the parents you all speak of that encouraged my child to play with whatever toys they wanted, get muddy, wear what they wanted etc etc. basically to be who she wanted to be. She still decided she wanted to be a boy. I love my child and will accept them for who they are but this comes with great sadness at the difficult path ahead, I still hold the hope that things will change in the future.

Reading a thread like this makes me feel more alienated than I already do, and worried that this is what people will think of me, that I am pushing my child into medical transition to score parenting points, which is an obscene thought.

@ppeatfruit .. I am so sorry that your daughter committed suicide. I cannot imagine how much pain she was in and how much pain your whole family is in.

Do no harm... evidence based medicine... and this includes psychiatry.

Exactly. If you were incorrectly told you had breast cancer and had a double mastectomy, and it turned out to be untrue and furthermore there had never been any evidence for it, no one would go "ah well never mind eh, it's only a few people". You'd have a strong claim for malpractice and compensation.

Absolutely. My boys were bullied over their clothing choices. It's been lovely to see my eldest rediscovering his love of colour and pattern as an adult.

The trouble is that crippling gender dysmorphia actually becomes crippling once you have bees fed a narrative that change is possible

@Echobelly ..

You said that most trans boys will not have surgery and will desist in a few years and that we are all making too much of this.

What number of children are we willing to sacrifice for this to play out? How many unnecessary surgeries, infertile adults, children who end up on anti depressants because they cannot understand why identifying as trans did not bring them the happiness they expected, adults who have spent years searching for Oz only to find they are left with their own body and mind after all?

Do no harm... evidence based medicine... and this includes psychiatry.

Affirmation of transgender and social transition are not neutral events and we do not have good evidence to support these pathways.

Have they got a Y chromosome? No? Then they aren't a boy. It's really, really, really simple.

My 13 year daughter doesn't like girly things. Would have been called a tomboy back in the day.

What I have found helps is that she has found other girls who are like her. She loves sport especially cricket and she's pretty good at it. The girls who she plays with on her county team are really well balanced. They don't seem to be so obsessed with the tik tok vision of what a girl should look like.

It is very difficult though because society does tell our girls that they should be a certain way otherwise they might not really be girls. It's insidious.

Jelly Peer pressure has a lot to do with how kids dress, there is still a ridiculous nonsense over clothes ( I blame the manufacturers and shops for stocking\ordering all that rubbish. though things are changing with girls playing football etc.

SockGoddess Thank you so much for the flowers (a lot of people are so shocked they won't talk to me).

It has knocked our family sideways

I was a tomboy and would have done anything to ‘be’ a boy. Fast forward to now (40s) or even my 20s and it would have been the biggest mistake of my life to transition. So glad this wasn’t around when I was going through the tomboy phase.

Parents who only dress their sons in blue/grey/black clothes with shark or football pics are part of the problem.

And when that's all there is in the shops? My boys wanted bright colours, but not necessarily sparkles, frills or cutsey slogans.

Funny how clothes aimed at boys never have Be Kind, or Love, or such slogans on them.

What's sarong with that?

<Gets coat>

Totally agree with this.

A certain type of man gets a sexual thrill out of wearing clothes he sees as ‘forbidden’.

Parents who only dress their sons in blue/grey/black clothes with shark or football pics are part of the problem.

My son can wear whatever he likes. He is very clear that he’s a man and that no man can ever become a woman 🤣 but when there’s a heatwave on you bet we’ll both laze around in kaftans or sarongs.

I’f I’d have been a teen today I dread to think what this lot would say I didn’t want a boyfriend not lesbian either, obsessed with 007 I wanted to bed bond not be him. Today I have 007 tattoo Darth Vader tattoo the Tardis love villains in film Hans Gruber held the crown for 30 years until Brenner too over, so woke trans lot make of that mix if you can. Live in jeans t shirts but love glitter purses neon colours pastel colours. Yes a right mix but that what makes everyone different and special. We are all unique stuff labels I’m me Brenner obsessed and proud. Ooh and straight in case anyone needs a label.

This with bells on it:

"a special "oppressed" group to be part of so they're now cool. Of course a lot of the most vulnerable, suffering, excluded or picked-on kids are going to be drawn in."

Tomboy isn't fashionable now - children get pushed to move to the other sex or pick a gender. Non binary is currently very fashionable amongst the kids.