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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Bullying your mum isn't activism, magnificent Glosswitch response to creepy Novara media article

117 replies

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 04/01/2023 15:59

Apologies if this has its own thread already, I couldn't see one. Glosswitch has written yet another excellent article: thecritic.co.uk/Bullying-your-mum-isnt-activism/

It's a response to novaramedia.com/2022/12/24/how-i-deradicalised-my-terf-mum/ published on Christmas Eve. The very timing tells me all I need to know. The people on the right side of history, by their own lights. were sitting on the sofa reading this, nodding and punching the air in support of 'Will' and his chums, while their decrepit, simple-minded mothers, aunts and grandmothers, i.e. the Janets of this world, were toiling away peeling sprouts and checking the cooking instructions on the vegan roast they'd bought for the Novara Media subscriber, hoping against hope it would pass muster.

In short, 'Will', the male child, bullies his mum, 'Janet', who has had great difficulty accepting that her other child, born female, now identifies as a transman, by threatening that if she doesn't give up her 'transphobia', i.e. stubborn adherence to material reality and concern about health consequences of unevidenced hormone and surgical treatments, both of her children will cut her off and encourage all their friends and neighbours to do the same. Nice guy, huh?

Glosswitch nails what's going on here. I was pleased to see that so did dozens of other outraged people on Twitter.

The son “Will” is obviously proud of himself, even though what he is describing is a form of coercive control. Threatening to isolate a female relative unless she denies her perceptions of reality indicates he does not care that she may not believe what she is saying. All that matters is that she has been forced into line. This is not activism; it is patriarchy.

Amen to that! The Novara article was written by a woman, depressingly.

OP posts:
NotTerfNorCis · 04/01/2023 20:02

Broader social pressure may have multiplied the brothers’ impact. Will’s family is part of a small, close-knit group of families in south London, and when their children found out what was happening with Janet, they encouraged their parents to speak to her, too. “There was another community she would have been isolated from that she also valued”

Oh my God. This guy has issues. It's okay for people to have different political opinions, you don't have to cut them off from their family and community!! That's the kind of thing groups like JWs and scientologists do.

ArabellaScott · 04/01/2023 19:59

Finally reading the article.

JFC.

'sometimes you have to have a real threat as a form of leverage'

Is that so, you wee fuck?

NotTerfNorCis · 04/01/2023 19:58

Would serve Will right if his own kids signed up for a fanatical political cause, not just any cause but one he was rationally and emotionally opposed to. And they gave him an ultimation: either you sign up too, or we're going no-contact. You can grow old on your own. Except that's a cruel thing to wish on anyone.

Wiccan · 04/01/2023 19:54

We have an adult daughter who pulled this controlling shit she is a complete parent hater especially aimed at her mum ! When we stood our ground the accusations started
You're bad parents
You aren't safe to be around
You're unhinged
I don't agree with your values
( Yawn )

If you don't see it my way I will have no choice but to go NC with you .

Our response was If it gives us some peace , no drama and we don't have to tolerate the manipulation we're OK with that . She on the other hand was shocked to fuck !

lechiffre55 · 04/01/2023 19:53

Minimalme · Today 18:56
Will has no idea what it is like not to be loved by your Mother.
He threatened her, knowing she would 'fix up' rather than loose him.
His triumphant tone betrays his dark desire to defeat his Mother and destroy her independent opinions.

What you said made me wonder if there some element of oedipus complex going on with Will but with a modern twist of transing by conquering his mother. If he conquers his mother could that be a bit like becoming her through subjugating her to his will?

Abhannmor · 04/01/2023 19:52

Ha...I bet Janet is just stringing him along. Reality will come crashing in and she will be magnanimous when the pronouns are binned.

I used to sometimes watch Novara but gave up in despair.

NotTerfNorCis · 04/01/2023 19:51

Wow I only got a few paragraphs into the Novara article and I'm already horrified.

Realising they would never change their mother’s mind, they made a threat: accept Arthur or lose contact.

'Accept our cultish thinking or lose contact with your own kids!' That's not deradicalising, that's terrorising a vulnerable person - the person who gave you life and raised you. This man is repugnant.

it worked: “I think the fear of losing the people closest to her was a strong motivating force.”

Vile. Just a vile excuse for a human being.

nilsmousehammer · 04/01/2023 19:39

What's one of the biggest and most effective things on MN?

It's the relationships boards. And AIBU and chat, and all the places where a woman can say 'this is happening to me' and other women will prop her up, tell her how it is often in words of one syllable because women have a lot of high expectations of each other they don't extend to anyone else, and many, many women have left abusers, set up again, got lives of their own, learned how to move away from the abusive patterns and find the relationships they deserve.

MRAs have always hated that.

I am increasingly thinking one of the most useful things we can do to stand up to this ruddy awful behaviour and exploitation of women, particularly older women, is to get as many women as possible through the freedom programme, and hand them a copy of Lundy Bancroft's 'Why does he do that'.

And then we need to figure out how we help boys to not grow up to be abusive arseholes.

Falalalalalalaetc · 04/01/2023 19:21

Anyway, this is all making me feel a lot better about telling my children 'no' earlier, even though I felt guilty at the time and they were upset.

They do need to have boundaries otherwise they end up as unlikeable and abusive as Will.

Falalalalalalaetc · 04/01/2023 19:19

Or is he sitting around reading the Guardian while his terribly transphobic mum does all the laundry and cooks his dinner?

I'm guessing this. I hope she at the very least goes on strike and refuses to do a single bit of housework or carry any mental load for the ungrateful little abuser.

I bet her friends would agree with her, not him in any case. Maybe not openly, but they would believe the same things as she does.

Boiledbeetle · 04/01/2023 19:17

We all know why she went along with his manipulative behaviour. Don't we?

Quite honestly? No.

Floisme · 04/01/2023 19:05

Can we stop blaming Janet for her son's behaviour please. And I'm not comfortable either with the 'If I were Janet I'd pack his bags for him' posts. If this is a true story and she's really on Mumnset, why make her feel even worse? We all know why she went along with his manipulative behaviour. Don't we?

Minimalme · 04/01/2023 18:56

Will has no idea what it is like not to be loved by your Mother.

He threatened her, knowing she would 'fix up' rather than loose him.

His triumphant tone betrays his dark desire to defeat his Mother and destroy her independent opinions.

I wonder if Janet has made her son feel a little too important?

Boiledbeetle · 04/01/2023 18:54

Ofcourseshecan · 04/01/2023 18:42

I was spellbound by George Orwell when I first read 1984 some 50 years ago. But I did think it was a bit unrealistically grim. Children terrorising and informing on their parents, for example. Adults being forced to pretend to believe impossibilities, etc.

When I discovered these things had happened in other times and places, I was glad that they couldn’t happen here and now ….

I waited until it was 1984 before I read it for the first time. I was 11 and straight after I read Fahrenheit 451.

I have questioned the reasoning behind everything ever since. Even the seemingly innocuous if It doesn't sit right with me.

Ofcourseshecan · 04/01/2023 18:42

I was spellbound by George Orwell when I first read 1984 some 50 years ago. But I did think it was a bit unrealistically grim. Children terrorising and informing on their parents, for example. Adults being forced to pretend to believe impossibilities, etc.

When I discovered these things had happened in other times and places, I was glad that they couldn’t happen here and now ….

WolverineBlueyy · 04/01/2023 18:24

IcakethereforeIam · 04/01/2023 17:53

You don't seem to be able to comment below the article.

Here's (I hope) a link to the thing on twitter

twitter.com/novaramedia/status/1606757597272498185?s=20&t=4eGO4v3AfL_0fp9NjydyGg

Everything about it is just so lazy, even that smug tweet which again attempts to tie together the gender critical with the right wing.

It's full of substance-free dog-whistles, absolutely reeks of immaturity and bad faith, and (further) undermines Novara as an outlet.

nilsmousehammer · 04/01/2023 18:16

Again its the ability to see the bigger picture and the lack of life experience they're blind to. So many parents will humour them, nod and smile, do whatever they have to do because they don't live in the moment and with totally internal fixation, and have their eye on the long term and trying to preserve both their kid and their kid's future. And have the capacity to put their kid above themselves in doing this.

The TQ+ activist movement need to look up 'carer burn out'. Cos I'm there. It happens.

BethDuttonsTwin · 04/01/2023 18:04

I have a “friend” on FB whose child came ranting on to thread where we were discussing some of the problematic issues with trans ideology. We humoured him, but messaged each other privately to agree that he was rude brat and we all felt sorry for his Mum. I suspect this is how “Will’s” attempt to Struggle Session his Mum would go.

Boiledbeetle · 04/01/2023 18:03

littlbrowndog · 04/01/2023 17:49

I would off packed wills bags for him.

wee shite. Smug wee shite as well

My mother went round singing always look on the bright side of life helping me pack when I said I was leaving home.

"Do need a saucepan

Take the chipped plates

Here I'll get you another box."

DaughterOfPsychiatrist · 04/01/2023 18:00

I hope Janet has seen a solicitor and willed Will’s inheritance to a home for feminist cats.

Glosswitch is excellent, as always.

Boiledbeetle · 04/01/2023 18:00

@KohlaParasaurus

Hi Mrs Jones its Janets son from number 20.

I'm just thought I'd let you that my mother's not safe to be around at the moment.

Mentally unstable.

Yeah I know it's awful.

Thanks I'll pass on your prayers.

What did she do?

Oh she only went and wore a t-shirt saying woman adult human female.

What? What do you mean fuck off you stupid little twat?

Mrs jones?

Hello?

Huh the rude cow hung up on me

Boiledbeetle · 04/01/2023 17:55

KohlaParasaurus · 04/01/2023 17:48

And he's going to go tattling to all her (presumably grown-up) friends about having gone snooping through her online history and found that she, erm, doesn't think people can change sex, and he thinks they'll judge her harshly and have sympathy with him? Good luck with that, laddo.

I know look at him the big I AM probably telling his mates how he took down his mum and put her in her place, but yeah her pork chops and mash was banging as usual!

JellySaurus · 04/01/2023 17:54

I seem to be in a minority because I say "No" to my children. No, I will not gaslight and pretend that you can change reality by saying "I want/am" whatever. I may phrase it more gently, but, no, you have not, cannot, and never will be able to change sex.

Guess what: my distressed adult child may accuse me of all sorts of terfery, but still loves me and still comes to me for comfort and support. And I am sure is better off for being told "No" than for being pandered to and affirmed in a dangerous mindset.

I don't for one second suggest that I'm a better parent than any other mumsnetter. I'm sure there are many of us in the same boat - it is Mumsnet that has enabled me to say No to this ideology.

But what these children need are boundaries. Loving, assertive, supportive boundaries.

BethDuttonsTwin · 04/01/2023 17:54

That second account is really just placed in support of the first one isn’t it? Attempting to equate perfectly unacceptable attitudes towards race, with questioning the trans nonsense. So fucking manipulative.

IcakethereforeIam · 04/01/2023 17:53

You don't seem to be able to comment below the article.

Here's (I hope) a link to the thing on twitter

twitter.com/novaramedia/status/1606757597272498185?s=20&t=4eGO4v3AfL_0fp9NjydyGg