I wish that we, in the English language had only one pronoun for everyone as they do in Finland. My head hurts trying to remember who goes by what. finland.fi/han/article/

I'm always pretty amused (in a sort of "you've gotta laugh or cry" way) when someone comments "I've never come across x y or z but I don't believe that x y or z is a thing". Unlike BellePeppa I do know, in person, a number of actually trans individuals and I am very sure that not a single one of them is doing it for the fun or of it, or to be "different", or for a fad, or, god forbid, (as so many on here seem to think) to enable them to sneak into women's toilets and assault them (ffs). And every single one of them, given the choice, would have preferred to have been born "normal" - in a body and gender that they feel comfortable in, so they could simply BE and not have to spend their entire lives fighting against discrimination and stereotypes and cruel and dismissive words from family, "friends" and strangers alike.

...

And whilst that is a slight segue from the actual topic of the thread, I'd ask you, OP, whether it is really so hard to just use "they" and "them"? As others have mentioned - it would be considered rude to call someone by a name that wasn't theirs, even if you found it hard to remember or pronounce or even if you thought it was a stupid name for some reason - it's not about necessarily getting it right all the time but more about demonstrating that you are willing to try (and not simply dismiss it, which may not be what you've been doing but certainly is the sentiment that comes across in your post). It may not come naturally at first but the singular "they" has been part of the English language for a very long time (Shakespeare was known to use it, for example).The alternative suggestion of always referring to them by name is also a decent one and has the advantage of continuing to work if they choose to move to a different pronoun later.

I don't disagree that it sounds like the individual you're dealing with is now acting in ways which are unprofessional (and I don't disagree with the other posters who suggest logging what's been said when, in case that does continue) so I can understand your frustration - but perhaps consider theirs as well, particularly if this was in fact all started by you repeatedly and willfully misgendering them?

Pronouns aside, if a colleague tried talking to me about a non-work related issue that I clearly stated I was uncomfortable with (for whatever reason) and they then proceeded to call me a "Karen", "boomer" or "gammon" then I'd be putting in an official complaint about their conduct.

Numerous people in this thread has referred to her colleague as they, it's equally instinctive at times. And without mangling anything! And at most requires a little effort!

I'm always pretty amused (in a sort of "you've gotta laugh or cry" way) when someone comments "I've never come across x y or z but I don't believe that x y or z is a thing". Unlike BellePeppa I do know, in person, a number of actually trans individuals and I am very sure that not a single one of them is doing it for the fun or of it, or to be "different", or for a fad, or, god forbid, (as so many on here seem to think) to enable them to sneak into women's toilets and assault them (ffs). And every single one of them, given the choice, would have preferred to have been born "normal" - in a body and gender that they feel comfortable in, so they could simply BE and not have to spend their entire lives fighting against discrimination and stereotypes and cruel and dismissive words from family, "friends" and strangers alike.

...

And whilst that is a slight segue from the actual topic of the thread, I'd ask you, OP, whether it is really so hard to just use "they" and "them"? As others have mentioned - it would be considered rude to call someone by a name that wasn't theirs, even if you found it hard to remember or pronounce or even if you thought it was a stupid name for some reason - it's not about necessarily getting it right all the time but more about demonstrating that you are willing to try (and not simply dismiss it, which may not be what you've been doing but certainly is the sentiment that comes across in your post). It may not come naturally at first but the singular "they" has been part of the English language for a very long time (Shakespeare was known to use it, for example).The alternative suggestion of always referring to them by name is also a decent one and has the advantage of continuing to work if they choose to move to a different pronoun later.

I don't disagree that it sounds like the individual you're dealing with is now acting in ways which are unprofessional (and I don't disagree with the other posters who suggest logging what's been said when, in case that does continue) so I can understand your frustration - but perhaps consider theirs as well, particularly if this was in fact all started by you repeatedly and willfully misgendering them?

@BellaAmorosa I was purely talking about a work situation where we are obliged to follow employment laws and contractual requirements.

I am not saying anyone has to declare their pro-nouns, but if an employee/colleague asks for the pro-nouns they/them or she/her be used then it is unlikely any employment tribunal would find that request unreasonable. Potentially the employer could be found to be discriminatory for not supporting the request.

Case law means both Gender Critical and Gender Identity are protected beliefs. Neither has precedence. So employers have to strike a balance between the two. In my view respecting someone’s pro-nouns is reasonable. This is a very grey area at the moment and I expect a lot more case law will emerge indicating what is and is not reasonable at work.

My advice to the OP was to help her stay on the “right” side of the law and her employment contract enabling her to complain about the colleagues unreasonable language.

I agree there is a power play in the situation and the colleague is pushing their luck. By respecting or at least using their name or you, the OP is putting their colleague in the wrong so retaking the power.

The reality is that we cannot turn the clock back, there have always been people with gender dysphoria ( I know that is another debate) but the numbers were very small and there was in most cases dignity and respect on both sides.

People with AGP identifying under the trans umbrella appears to have been an orchestrated strategy with slow infiltration of public institutions and the media over a long period of time. We are not going to fully reverse it and it will take a long time to restore an acceptable balance.

Small wins are important which is why I would encourage everyone to sign this petition. I can’t link directly to the petition due to MN rules but I can link to the petition topic. www.mumsnet.com/talk/petitions_noticeboard/4668426-petition-update-the-equality-act-to-make-clear-the-characteristic-sex-is-biological-sex

@Afterfire it is special treatment - the pronouns we use for obviously male people are instinctive . Using incorrect pronouns requires a lot of effort, and using they/them in the singular requires mangling of grammar. “Where is Fred? They is in the kitchen”

it requires fuck all of the person asking it, and is a huge effort for everyone around them.

I'm always pretty amused (in a sort of "you've gotta laugh or cry" way) when someone comments "I've never come across x y or z but I don't believe that x y or z is a thing". Unlike BellePeppa I do know, in person, a number of actually trans individuals and I am very sure that not a single one of them is doing it for the fun or of it, or to be "different", or for a fad, or, god forbid, (as so many on here seem to think) to enable them to sneak into women's toilets and assault them (ffs). And every single one of them, given the choice, would have preferred to have been born "normal" - in a body and gender that they feel comfortable in, so they could simply BE and not have to spend their entire lives fighting against discrimination and stereotypes and cruel and dismissive words from family, "friends" and strangers alike.

...

And whilst that is a slight segue from the actual topic of the thread, I'd ask you, OP, whether it is really so hard to just use "they" and "them"? As others have mentioned - it would be considered rude to call someone by a name that wasn't theirs, even if you found it hard to remember or pronounce or even if you thought it was a stupid name for some reason - it's not about necessarily getting it right all the time but more about demonstrating that you are willing to try (and not simply dismiss it, which may not be what you've been doing but certainly is the sentiment that comes across in your post). It may not come naturally at first but the singular "they" has been part of the English language for a very long time (Shakespeare was known to use it, for example).The alternative suggestion of always referring to them by name is also a decent one and has the advantage of continuing to work if they choose to move to a different pronoun later.

I don't disagree that it sounds like the individual you're dealing with is now acting in ways which are unprofessional (and I don't disagree with the other posters who suggest logging what's been said when, in case that does continue) so I can understand your frustration - but perhaps consider theirs as well, particularly if this was in fact all started by you repeatedly and willfully misgendering them?

Clitoral Violence

But it’s polite to listen to someone and call them what they ask to be called. That was the point I was making. Deliberately disregarding someone’s preference is just rude.

Clitoral Violence

Just call him dear all the time. Be a dear and pass me that plate. Could you be a dear and clear that table. Thank you dear etc.

I’m thankful I haven’t had to come across this in real life but I wouldn’t want to pander to it. Not out of disrespect per se but because I don’t believe so many young people really genuinely believe they’re in the wrong body. Most just want to feel special and it’s oh so boring and conventional to just ‘be’.

Pronouns aside, if a colleague tried talking to me about a non-work related issue that I clearly stated I was uncomfortable with (for whatever reason) and they then proceeded to call me a "Karen", "boomer" or "gammon" then I'd be putting in an official complaint about their conduct.