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Original poster

Can I be forced to use pronouns?

307 replies

nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 14:38

Hi all.

I work in hospitality and my company have recently taken on some new recruits.

One is non-binary and uses they/them pronouns but is considering she/her pronouns. He was born male. He looks male. He had the same uniform as you would expect, neon hair, piercings, multiple badges on his uniform stating his pronouns, he's vegan, free Palestine, f Boris etc.. (I'm not against freeing Palestine or vegans) but you can imagine the type. Everyone's a "facist" etc.. it's draining at times.

Here is my problem, I don't want to use they/them pronouns. It feels unnatural when talking and I struggle with it anyway. I just don't want to do it, I don't care if that makes me rude. I'm just sick of it. I'm sick of being moaned at for misgendering. He just doesn't shut up about it.

Now he's saying he believes he may be a woman and is asking questions about "women hood" and all that bs, I've told him I'm not comfortable talking to him about it and I was called a boomer, a Karen and a gammon?? He is considering changing his pronouns in the new year.

Here is my question. Legally, can I be forced to use his preferred pronouns? Not arsed about losing my job, but I don't want to get into any criminal trouble

I just want to go to work, earn my living and go home. I don't have the time or energy or willingness to go along with this bullshit

OP posts:
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5
CheesenCrackersmm · 31/12/2022 15:34

Do they have a name? Try using that

Also have a word to your manager about the offensive language that they are using. Just because they do not know who they are does not mean they can be a rude prick.

PerfectYear321 · 31/12/2022 15:33

nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 15:01

@PerfectYear321 good for you. Not bothered what people on a forum think of me. I just don't want to be prosecuted

Good for you

This lot will lap it up because you've used all the clichés

Enjoy your thread

Original poster
nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 15:28

@Princessglittery he's never called me cis. He's only ever called me a woman, I've never even heard him use that expression when describing others

OP posts:
Princessglittery · 31/12/2022 15:28

@nationallampoons very sensible.

Original poster
nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 15:27

@Princessglittery thank you for your response. I appreciate it.

I think I will just use his name and report all name calling via email with times and dates from now on

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Original poster
nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 15:25

I'll be changing my user name later on or tomorrow in case my threads found because it could be outing, and I don't want my colleagues seeing what I put on forums

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Princessglittery · 31/12/2022 15:25

@nationallampoons as an HR professional you may not like some of my views.

In the workplace employees have a right to be treated with dignity and respect, this is particularly important in relation to the 9 protected characteristics.

Using someone’s preferred pro nouns in work is a reasonable request and using he/him could be seen as disrespectful or discriminatory. Using their name or you, they, them etc. are pragmatic alternatives.

However, the alternative is also true that using derogatory terms such as boomer (ageist) Karen (misogynistic) , Gammon (no idea) towards you is disrespectful and potentially discriminatory.

What they cannot do is impose their preferred language on others for example, someone can say “As a Cis woman I …” but they should not be calling you a “Cis woman” when you have clearly stated you find the pro noun offensive.

As pp have said keep a record of all the insults, try to use language you feel comfortable with e.g name or you rather than he/him. When he starts name calling state please do not use that offensive language it is disrespectful to me. If it continues make a formal complaint, HR has to manage risk and one employee being polite vs one who is using unacceptable language they should at least curtail the unacceptable language.

Ask your manager to look up company policies about treating colleagues with dignity and respect and possibly run a refresher training session. If it’s for the whole team it won’t be seen as singling out one person.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 31/12/2022 15:20

I absolutely would not tolerate anyone calling me names, especially a tory!
Report every single time. Who the fuck does he think he is!

Madamecastafiore · 31/12/2022 15:18

Next time he calls you a Tory call him a man.

StellaOlivetti · 31/12/2022 15:17

You could say “please don’t use my mother’s/auntie’s/best friend’s name as a misogynist ageist slur”? Infuriating little twit.

Boiledbeetle · 31/12/2022 15:13

And that wasn't a mistake he is acting very binary, like a very entitled spoilt little boy

ArcaneWireless · 31/12/2022 15:13

I’d be using their name. And they if needs be. And only conversing about work matters. Everything else? Not your concern. Not your business.

I would absolutely be noting down and reporting any insult. Your colleague does not get to insult you just because they feel like it.

Boiledbeetle · 31/12/2022 15:11

I think your new years resolution is to give no fucks and put this little binary nomark in his place.

woman up.

FOJN · 31/12/2022 15:11

Have you actually just tried saying to him "Will you just shut up, leave me alone, stop bullying me and let me do my job"

Whilst your at it tell him to take his badges off. As a customer I don't need or want to know about his personal moral crusades, he can do his activism on his own time. I'm surprised the company allows it.

Boiledbeetle · 31/12/2022 15:10

I invoke my mother's raised eyebrow when I'm annoyed. It's very effective

Original poster
nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 15:10

@Boiledbeetle I have a natural resting bitch face to be honest.
Normally things just go over my head, I'm a whatever person but lately everything is just getting on my nerves and this is one of them

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Boiledbeetle · 31/12/2022 15:08

Your boss already knows he's causing you issues, you've nothing to lose. if he complains you just tell your boss you'd reached breaking point.

Boiledbeetle · 31/12/2022 15:06

Annoyed stern disapproving look. channelmost scary teacher you had as a kid and do it

Supernormative · 31/12/2022 15:06

As far as I'm aware we don't yet have compelled speech in this country so no you can't be forced. I'd simply use his name even if it means you have to repeat the name a lot. And report him every time he calls you a Karen or Gammon as that's workplace bullying.

Original poster
nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 15:05

@Boiledbeetle no I've not, but it's a thought!

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Boiledbeetle · 31/12/2022 15:03

nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 14:53

He's young, I get that. I just can't be arsed. It's just constant waffling

We all talk amongst each other as work colleagues do. The usual chit chat you do at work.

Have you actually just tried saying to him "Will you just shut up, leave me alone, stop bullying me and let me do my job"

Original poster
nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 15:03

I'm not a troll. I've been on here for years under different names.
Penguin bollards, stolen Mexican holiday home, so far back as good old zombie god bless her soul.

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Original poster
nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 15:01

@PerfectYear321 good for you. Not bothered what people on a forum think of me. I just don't want to be prosecuted

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Original poster
nationallampoons · 31/12/2022 15:00

@Aquasulis I'll try that. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to make him feel like shit at work, I just struggle with all of this a lot

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PerfectYear321 · 31/12/2022 15:00

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