Am I a TERF?

I’m a TERF. I like being a TERF. One reason for being a TERF is that no single person who thinks that a man can be a woman and vice versa can provide a sensible explanation as to how this can be the case. In my experience they mumble something about it being very complicated or they get very angry (because they realise they can’t answer it), which then serves the purpose of deflecting from the question.
Not to mention keeping women’s single sex spaces, single sex.
And I am sorry to say, @EvilBee , that the definition of woman as used above isn’t a recent “invention”.

I fear being labelled negatively as a terf

Embrace it or ignore it.

for being upset my experiences as being a woman (sexual assault, sexual harassment, cat calling, pay inequalities, sexism, misogyny, health issues, fertility) can be compared and seen as the same as someone who was born a male but now lives as female.

The trans position is that not all women share the same experiences, therefore these things neither define nor unite women. They claim that belief is all you need. Sounds like a religion to me. Do you believe yourself to be a bigot because you do not embrace a person's religion?

It’s not fair.

It is not. Not to women, anyway. It is a Men's Rights movement.

Interestingly, the Gender Critical position is far fairer to all, including to believers in gender. As JK Rowling said:

^Dress however you please.
Call yourself whatever you like.
Sleep with any consenting adult who’ll have you.
Live your best life in peace and security.
But force women out of their jobs for stating that sex is real?^

‘Self appointment’

Nothing new here to see.

And that includes the appointment of someone who has a high likelihood of being male, speaking for females that are supposedly in their ‘community’.

I am very happy to be proved wrong about that though.

And that, reader, is the usual result. No or very few questions answered, while claiming the discussion is a) boring b) phobic as hell or c) actually, I have not seen a third alternative.

Just a wonderful drive by ‘authoritative’ post to make out that posters should ‘get out more and speak to actual trans people’, as if many posters don’t have trans loved ones in their daily life.

Plus ca change.

Yet… we are the boring, unintelligent ones living in some kind of delusion.

no. Nothing new here to see.

TERFs are Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists.

I believe feminism should represent the needs and interests of female people only. I exclude transwomen from my definition of female, but I include transmen in my definition of female. I don't see what's so "radical" about that. So I'm not a TERF but I might be a TEF. Or maybe a MEF 😁

I wouldn't seek to exclude transpeople from access to housing or employment or whatever. I wouldn't try to exclude them from going to my local pub, or sitting next to me on a bus. I would want to exclude transwomen from sharing my changing rooms, or playing on my single-sex sports team. Transmen would still be welcome. I think that's the position of most "TERFs" (and most sensible people)

Part of me feels awful for feeling this way. Like I am a bad person

That's because you've been socialised as a woman, and you must be kind and accepting of everyone. You are taught to feel bad for having boundaries....whilst simultaneously demonised for not having any if anything goes wrong in your life.

I don't care about the TERF label. Most of the time it's just inaccurate because a lot of people are not radical feminists. It is being used though as a synonym for 'witch' or 'bitch' - basically pesky women who dare to question.

If you want to be honest with yourself, you need to let go of anxieties about hurting people's feelings. A lot of people who call themselves trans activists or trans allies certainly won't care about yours or your safety.

@EvilBee You said you think the query 'what is a woman?' needs clarifying.

If I said that my interpretation of a woman is "someone who is born with female reproductive organs, and has reached adulthood'.

My interpretation of a man is "someone who is born with male reproductive organs, and has reached adulthood".

Would you agree?

You sound very kind and polite.

Embrace rudeness.

For what it's worth, OP, the law (Equality Act) supports your rights to single sex spaces for 'privacy, dignity and safety'. Furthermore, 'gender critical beliefs' are worth of respect in a democratic society.

To be 'gender critical' means to believe that there are two sexes and that sex is immutable, iirc. That's it.

Don't let anybody make you feel bad for sticking up for your own boundaries.

The OP is a she. Not plural, they. Singular. Adult Human Female.

Bye.

It’s a catch 22 for me. I’d hate to make someone feel uncomfortable and upset, but at the same time why should feel uncomfortable myself?

Sadly, it becomes evident that 'gender' ideology retains a belief that males are more important than women, and entitled to more rights. At its base, this is a men's rights movement.

Genderism suggests that males who are uncomfortable using men's spaces should use women's spaces. Women who are uncomfortable with men in their space should 'get over it'.

'ontological' - I don't think this word means what you think it means, Evil.

We're just after males staying out of women's spaces. Nothing esoteric or complicated about it. No philosophy required.

Hmm so I wonder if he was hiding it / faking it or is bisexual.

Can I ask how old they are?

Personally I don't give a monkeys what your beliefs are as long as you're not trying to remove my rights or slight me to my face. Perhaps just talk to her and try and understand her experiences?

Well that's refreshing! Did you miss a memo EvilBee as you're supposed to tell us that believing sex is real and sometimes matters is literally killing everyone? (meant light-heartedly - many trans people who come on here are usually pretty laid back, although don't like answering questions!)

Anyway, people are trying to drag me into topics that have been done 1000 times over and bares no resemblance to what happens in actual boring reality.

I wish OP well and hope that they don't let ontological arguments get into the way of regular human relations.

'Trans' is essentially meaningless now as people can't really agree on what specifically it means. In OP's case probably it's 'someone who strongly desires to be the opposite sex'. But it also includes people who feel they don't match masculine or feminine stereotypes or reject gender identification completely.

So I don't think anyone would exclude anyone from anything on the basis that they are 'trans', unless it's set out what this actually means in practice. Most 'exclusions' and inclusions are based on sex, which is entirely different to whether someone is trans or not.

@PurplePalms by the way we'll understand completely if you back away slowly and slip out the door whilst we're are arguing the toss with our acquaintances that have arrived.

But I urge you to stick around its one of the few places where both sides do actually have conversations, even if they generally end in a bun fight and tears and the occasional poster getting banned.

@EvilBee quick question to determine which group of trans people you are soaking for...single sex spaces. Do you use the one you were born as or the one you present as/ feel as / identify as. Actually second question what Is the correct version of that these days.

I suspect that any lurkers who were not TERFs reading this, will be now.

Why?

Do you feel you speak for females with trans identities as well as males?

Because we see quite a few transitioned females who come and post here on MN who absolutely agree that sex based rights need to be protected and that they know they need them for themselves- therefore they are included in feminism. And that they also respect that their hormonally changed presentation may just as easily cause distress so they seek to find another solution for their needs when they expect that might happen.

Something about your posts don’t quite add up.