Feeling bloody alone

I'm afraid that a lot of men double down on 'you are the problem' because they are bone idle.

They don't really believe it, but it does them no harm to go along with it, especially if they are married. Therefore they shut you up by shutting you down.

Is there any area he'd care about? Your DC having surgery or being vulnerable in changing rooms? Sports? Prisons?

Who does he care about, how will they be impacted? He's managing to make it abstract and unimportant. You know it isn't.

💐 OP. I feel so bad for you.
In my experience, blokes who take this position are best ‘shocked out of it’ by the strength of feeling.

Eg- one such fellow was going on about a male cyclist, he was full of the unacknowledged misogyny of ‘imagine how crap a man must feel, and how authentic and sincere his motivations must be, it he were to degrade himself to the status of a rubbish female, all my sympathies lay with him’. The sexism of the whole thing would take ages to unpick and argue. I sort of lost my shit. I took the hard line, showed my anger and the strength of my feeling, saying (probably quite loudly) “ no man has the fucking right to call himself the same sex as me and to claim to enter everything that is made for me. No. He can fuck right off. Just fuck off. Just fuck off the fucking pisstaking #@&£”. This guy was wide-eyed, open-mouthed and seemed blasted back in his chair by the force of my tirade.

I think he realised at that point that it’s not some kind of abstract hypothesis for women. It’s our lives.

That might work

It’s been a miserable experience, finding out how many men think like this, including our husbands, sons, and brothers.
You could try asking him if he’d have a sexual relationship with a tw if you and he split up. Bearing in mind that many of the people he’s calling women have a 100% male body including male genitals, and are now women just because they say so. Some people who parrot twaw really have their heads in the sand about this. Some seem to vaguely think that tw have had magical surgery that turns them into an actual woman in every way. Others think hormones do the same. Like David Lammy, saying that a tw can have a cervix.

Very sorry, OP - I can see why you're lonely. Are there any feminist support groups in NZ who could make you feel less alone?

He should be ashamed of himself, for thinking he has a better idea of what a woman is than you do. He should be ashamed of his lack of critical thinking. He should be ashamed of apparently not caring about womens rights.

You have nothing to be 'ashamed' of for not buying into this antiscientific, anti-womens rights, pro gender stereotyping dogma.

So sorry OP. Your DH doesn’t remotely believe men are women either, he’s almost certainly not engaged his brain beyond beeee kind.

he’s the one who should be ashamed of himself

That’s horrible. Hugs from me. I’m not a great fan of LTB, but I think I would start making plans.

I dont have any specific advice about your husband but all I can ever think about this whole situation is that it will be like we look back now on how issues were dealt with 100s of years ago and we're flabbergasted that people acted that way or thought that way and that the truth will out in the end.

There are millions of women like us struggling with this, I know my colleagues also feel the same but the jobs we're in mean we cant really voice what we think, its whispered in jokey hushed tones that we'd end up getting sacked if we said what we actually think.

Not just the trans women are women (my preference is WTABM (women that are biologically male), but all the ideology being thrown at chilldren and the reinforcment of gender stereotypes about what a girl is and making girls who arent fluffy and sexual feel like they must be boys or non binary