Feeling bloody alone

I’m so sorry OP. That must be a shock. I’m also in New Zealand, and there are many of us who don’t buy in to the lunacy (just not enough in positions of power, I suppose). Have you been in touch with Speak Up For Women? They might be able to put you in touch with likeminded women.

👌

Keep drip feeding him. He will get there eventually. It’s frustrating to watch the journey though.

I agree with the PP who just let rip at a man who has zero idea what it is like growing up as a woman and now think it’s super kind to just let them saunter on in. Nope no noooooo no way no. Then the men may wake up and think holy moly they really DO have their own minds those women. Ok maybe we had better listen up.

There are two things that really shock me.

Anyone thinking that someone assigned male at birth who's lived as a man for 30 odd years should be imprisoned/hospitalised/allowed access to women's sports/changing rooms on their own say so.

Anyone thinking a child should undergo experimental, life changing medical treatment for a condition with no measurable symptoms.

I mean, that's remarkable.

Every adult older than 30 has had the opportunity to experience the path to adulthood without being misinformed about the nature of sex. Many of us who speak now do so because and in spite of being gender non-conforming. We know what it would have meant to us when we were coming of age to be told we were really the opposite sex and should act on that information. Any adult who does not stand for the right of young people to be supported to be who they are in the sexed bodies they are born in, without feeling they are in some way wrong for being gender non-conforming should really be ashamed of themselves.

I am angry at the lack of support for adult females. But I am livid at the abuse towards children that is enabled by this nonsense. I feel for you OP, but you are without a doubt in the right in this. There are no two sides.

I'm sorry about your situation OP. I think the sad reality is that many men who identify as Nice Blokes don't think of women as fully human, but as partially-sentient support bipeds. That's why they're astounded when some of the support bipeds don't just roll over and provide service with a smile to the Actual People (a.k.a. men). Thus inadvertently proving that they can full well tell who is a man and who is a woman.

Tell him you’re suprised to hear that he’d sleep with someone with a dick.

Holy fuck! Good on you girl for standing up. I am in awe xx

Well, the shit hit the fan with my DH of many years last night when I told him that I thought transwomen were men, not women. We don't disagree on much, other than what temperature to have the thermostat! He said my views were right wing and transphobic, and did I seriously think transwomen shouldn't have access to women's spaces- he even mentioned the stupid phrase "assigned at birth"! I tried to explain to him how what I thought about the issue and he walked out in a strop. (Oh, and he knows I come on here so he blamed mumsnet).

This morning he was all, "Do you want a coffee," until I said, "So are you going to pretend last night didn't happen?" He said he was surprised at my views, and I said I was surprised he was surprised - that I've been a feminist since I was about 5 and women come first for me. To cut a long story short, we did actually have a more reasoned discussion this morning, in which he said that whether transwomen are women depends on context. I asked him what in what context a man who has self-IDed as a woman after living as a woman for six months, is actually a woman. He didn't come up with a single situation, he just said their pronouns and name should be respected.

Oh, and we had lots of discussion of male violence against women, and why I'm not prepared to accept that transwomen should have access to women-only spaces any time soon.

I feel for you OP.

Would he be prepared to give you an hour or so of his time to watch the Adult Human Female film? It might help explain.

@Lcb123 care to tell us what magic transforms a man into a woman merely by “identification”?

A man puts on a dress and bingo, he’s a woman purely by wishing it, is that it?

You know as well as anyone else does that it’s unmitigated bollocks (quite literally).

Some funny images for you

I'm sorry. It's not you. It's him.

Kellie Jay Keen is coming to NZ in the new year. Dates mentioned in this short video: m.youtube.com/watch?v=DGrwSHYUQEE

Maybe you could get involved in organising or supporting the tour? If would definitely make you feel less isolated.

I think some/many men just don't want transwomen in their spaces. Cos in their minds 'men like that are weirdos' and 'just not right' make them feel uncomfortable. So telling us that we, women should accommodate them (pushing the problem on to us, as usual) makes their life easier.

I don't know your DH obviously so he might just be an actual twat.

But I think sometimes it can be that they just haven't engaged with it as it doesn't impact them.

I don't think my husband really gets it and whenever I speak to him I always mention our daughter.

We were chatting the other day after the court decision in Scotland and me explainong a bit about the GRA - he just kept repeating in shock - 'But how can they change their birth certificates. I don't understand how that's possible'.

Because he’s right.

I understand the loneliness and disappointment.
Unfortunately you can't change other people. You can try but you can't make them see the world you as you see it. You can only change the way you react to them. If he is otherwise a good and loving human, can you maybe accept that he is earlier on his journey than you and will get there eventually?

I really feel for you too OP. Its the sense of betrayal, isn't it? The sense of realising that they never really understood what the world is like for women, or cared at all. The sense that they will quite happily shove us all to hell to keep in with the in crowd and think of themselves as the nice guy.
I have contempt for them all. I'm so sorry your H has let you down so badly. How dare he?

Ask him to prove his commitment to his belief by having sex with a TW with a penis, preferably one whose 'expression does not match their identity' as it does not have to, after all.
If he won't, tell him why its your sex that has to take the hit for believing TWAW, but not him? If he wants to believe it, then he has to put his money where his mouth is, not just women.
If he will never have sex with such a TW its because he knows they are not women, just like you do.

Eg this www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11549807/Tiane-Miller-jailed-five-years-arrest-child-exploitation-police-Sydney.html

I had a discussion with a good friend yesterday (she said jk Rowling was “horrible” and I just couldn’t pretend to agree as I’ve been feeling very emotional about Beira’s Place) and my strategy is basically to harp on about the indefensible, like men in women’s prisons and cases like “Karen” Walker or the Loudoun County rape case. But yeah standing up for women has never felt this lonely or risky in my lifetime - it’s horrible.

Maybe show him the case of the woman in the Uk hospital who was raped and the gaslighted by being told there were no men on the ward. Ask how would he feel if that was his mother or you and see what he says. Was quite effective with my husband. Or use a daughter example.
Find what he cares about. There will be something.
If you died and he met a transwomen he would be transphobic if he refused to date that person. There are loads of examples to draw from.