Is feminism unfairly demonising boys/men?

I think that it was necessary for feminism to pick apart the patronising and controlling nature of male chivalry, but I do believe men do need to be taught a kind of gentlemanly behaviour, in order tame and control their urges so they aren’t a nuisance.

For example “ladies first” is important, otherwise boys and men just barge women out of the way, sometimes even injuring us, if they aren’t taught to treat us with care.

On a positive note, men and boy’s agitated energy can be harnessed in positive ways.

The current crisis for men is that they no longer have a gentlemanly code of behaviour, so I think they can be a bit lost at sea. Damned if they do or don’t.

The BBC reports that women are getting angrier. Some might say its because feminism doesn't seem to make women happy; but women are saying its because men won't grow up and get their shit together.
So women feel angry and are then shamed for that anger.

''She sees much of pandemic related burn-out happening in female-dominated industries like care.
"It's pseudo-maternal work and poorly paid. And it has a lot to do with being expected to work tirelessly. And with no kind of legitimate boundaries.

"Similar dynamics are often found in heterosexual marriage," she says.

''www.bbc.com/news/world-63874001

This!

Exactly. Until men speak up and tell other men to stop, to shut up, sit down, educate themselves, I too am happy that men are spoken of as a cohort.

We all know if the men in our lives are 'good' men or not. My newly MN labeled DH is - and he works in construction. You'd be pleasantly surprised at some of the discussions he has at work. With men usually stereotyped as the wolf whistling, objectifying pond scum variety.

You see it in the porn you like to watch, and your excitement frightens you. Maybe you’re a rapist, too

Maybe you should seriously consider that. If you’re watching porn you have absolutely no idea whether it’s consensual. And if you don’t care whether you are masturbating to a rape, are you any better than a rapist?

(No thank you to the manipulative use of second person in this article. Actually no, you’re on your own there, mate.)

Yes @Carpoor I can see how anyone with no empathy for the deeply ingrained fear and self loathing many men who were brought up as 'council house scum' would see him like that.

Not stopping to consider that his reaction is fairly normal for anyone whose sense of self is so tritely dismissed by people with their own identity politics and little care for those who disagree, other than to hold them up as summink summink

Well done you!

OP, I don’t think that article linked supports your question - about feminism being comparable to crude, flawed notions that violence and racism are irredeemably intrinsic to whiteness, as though whiteness were a meaningful specific property, and this idea of “all men being blamed for patriarchy”.

For a start, we have NAMALT, WAM and WDIT - these initialisations of defences of men which are strewn across the path of feminist discourse so frequently, not just by antifeminists, but by women who are discussing issues, as well as feminists themselves, that it’s hard to talk in a straight line.

Maybe I am not part of the conversations, but there’s no comparable need for initialisations when discussing race.

In the linked article, the author discusses the biological basis for male dominance (which do not exist for racial inequalities):

“your fantasy life starts revolving around your erections and online porn, you hear about “rape culture.” Even if you don’t follow the news, it’s hard to avoid hearing about the scandals, about #MeToo, and the names of all the bad white men wielding toxic masculinity to exploit and humiliate the women in their power. You see it in the porn you like to watch, and your excitement frightens you. Maybe you’re a rapist, too.”

Yes, maybe he is being groomed into becoming an abuser of women by the porn he is consuming during his sexual formation. Many women are up against the warped sexuality of pornsick partners’ with the self-pitying male entitlement to inflict it.

The article also talks about the subtle male dominant behaviour in classrooms because of an agitation boys have that girls don’t share, which gets them in trouble at school. With my children, they are frequently reporting that boys get preferential treatment, let off for things, girls end up getting told off and blamed for them, and teachers deliberately sit difficult boys next to hard-working girls as a way of managing their behaviour, but this just gets the girls into trouble. So it’s not as though the girls are getting off lightly.

However, I think the big, glaring flaw of feminism, is this idea that you can socialise boys and girls the same and they’ll turn out the same. It doesn’t deal with the biologically more aggressive and sexually charged nature of males, or the existential panic they have because they can never feel the peace of being part of the mother-baby diad again.

I think boys need additional socialisation tailored to resolving these things to limit them being a nuisance.

I'm happy blaming men. Men who don't call their mates out when they indulge in sexist "banter" or slap waitresses on the backside etc.
Or beat their wives and girlfriends. Stand by when awful things happen in front of them
Don't treat the women in their lives with respect and kindness.

When men start to step in more, I'll have more sympathy.
Up until then? Meh.

A bloke with prostate cancer etc could sit posting exactly the same thing 🤷🏼‍♀️

Blame nature, not men.

Yes, slightly. Men can really do no right on MN and a lot of women seem to forget they’re still humans with foibles/problems/feelings.

The current ‘model’ of feminism has done nothing but make women miserable IMHO.

Enjoying my cosy shell of privilege with menopause symptoms that no man can ever experience.
Anyone else enjoying their cosy shell of privilege?
WTAF, OP

I'm a feminist because I believe in equality. I'm not anti man, or anti boy, I'm a mother of boys, and I want them to be successful happy men. But not at the expense of women and girls. Because there is a power imbalance, evening the scales will seem to men and boys like they are having something taken from them, but what is being taken is something they shouldn't have had in the first place if it was gained unfairly through patriarchy. The same with affirmative action for racial reasons, it's about trying to get the balance right. It's not done easily, and in order to give somebody the place they should have had all along, it means moving somebody out of that poison who gained it through unfair advantage, and of course the person who has then been misplaced will be pissed off. They are having to get used to their new place, and they don't like losing place, Role or status but that's the only way to adjust the balance. Of course it's going to be upsetting to reorder society, it's not an easy thing but that doesn't mean it's wrong

Men are aware of and negatively impacted by all aspects of feminism except the bit that goes 'stop being violent to women'.

Another example of the discussion on this boards making more sense than the article.

When I read it I immediately thought of the Relationships board, and the men that post and ask for pity or an explanation of her awful behaviour. It always starts off 'poor me, I'm treated terribly by my wife, look what she did!' and ends with him leaving in a strop after he outs himself as the instigator.

I'm surprised they published it. It suggests they don't have anyone on their staff with a background in DV or perp behaviour, and maybe they should fix that. If they are going to carry on posting articles pushing the backlash against women's rights, they lose my support.

I'm not. It's not the first time she's fallen over herself to give a man an easy ride

The fact that there is a direct line drawn from girls behaving better at school and getting better grades, to men watching violent porn actually kind of sickening.

School girls are being blamed for a violent rape culture, but sure its feminism that the problem

The more I read this the worse it gets

And I can see the value of using the word "advantage" instead of "privilege", @OmiOmyand @YetAnotherSpartacus.
More light, less heat.

Your DH sounds like a right knobhead tbh who doesn't understand what privilege means

The fact that he would launch into an tirade of aggression and abuse says all that needs to be said about his male privilege.

I don’t think it’s even possible to “unfairly demonise men.” I don’t think our culture has even approached the foothills of properly understanding and grappling with male violence and the impact it has on women and girls. The extent to which violence and destructiveness is concentrated in 50% of the human race is staggering and we don’t talk about it even close to enough. That said, i don’t think teaching boys they have “privilege” helps. I think teaching girls about statistics could help. The ones who’ve been abused need to know it’s common. The ones who haven’t been abused yet need to know it’s common. We need to get to grips as a culture with how much so many men hate women. We still collectively have our heads in the sand about it.

Yes, not all men. But if you’re a man and understanding the facts of male violence makes you feel bad then you should deal with that by not being one of those men. Simple.

I think you have put this very clearly.