Women's rights general conversations

Interesting that we're all expressing a collective 'Fuck, no' about taking up with any other men in future.

Ha ha, yes! Wonder if it’s different for men? As a cancer nurse I was always quite shocked at the speed my dead patients’ husbands found themselves another wife. And also surprised at how many ex-wives stepped up to the plate when their ex-husbands got cancer, looked after them, brought them for appointments and treatments, co-ordinated their terminal/palliative care, etc. One of my best friends did this for her erstwhile horrible abusive insane stalkery ex-husband who’d made her life hell for years, and was glad to put things right between them, for their sons’ sake more than anything.

Interesting that we're all expressing a collective 'Fuck, no' about taking up with any other men in future.

I’d definitely stay single if my marriage ended now. The idea of dating again fills me with absolute horror: men as a collective seem to have got worse, my standards have got higher, and willingness to compromise lower.

I think I've been lucky. Both my husbands - the one who died and the current one - have been highly respectful of women generally. I doubt id have been attracted to them otherwise. If my present husband dies, I don't think I'll be up for any future relationship though. Even if they'd want to take on somebody my age, I don't think i'd want to take on somebody theirs, so unless I found a fifty year old toy boy willing to nursemaid me as I lapse into senescence that would be it.

I'm a bit conflicted as I'm still quite young, but not wanting children (I'm likely to be infertile anyway due to gynae issues) certainly takes the pressure off. Not wanting children, not wanting to date a man who wants or already has children, and not wanting to date a misogynist doesn't leave a lot of options.

I have never “dated”. I’d get drunk, shag someone, and if I still liked or fancied them in the morning we’d hitch up. And macman and I were friends for about 10 years before we were both partnerless and able to get together. He’s great, but if/when he dies or we split up, that’d be absolutely it for me and men, no more, nada.

I have a feeling he was also on TRSOH so it would've been bound to fail anyway.

Cyan, someone trying to kiss me when I'd said I wanted to start from a place of friendship would have put me off too.

I'm so glad I was friends with Mr T for a good while before we got together, we actually got to know each other in that time. It has to be said that he is/was so oblivious that I was climbing the walls by the time we did get together, but it was worth the wait.

I've been thinking recently that if anything were to happen to my partner, I don't think I could face looking for anyone else. It just seems so much harder now to find a man who isn't weird and misogynistic - though I know they exist. Thought it was just me.

I met one who I thought was* that should say, as in, respectful about women.

I met one who I thought I was but I was wrong.

I met another one more recently who seemed nice enough and talked a lot about feminism (which in itself was kind of off-putting because I suspected he was talking about it because he thought it's what I wanted to hear), but when I told him I needed to start from a place of friendship he kept trying to kiss me. That was enough for me and I didn't see him again.

I was '74. I dread to think how much worse things will be for my daughter than they were for me.

And if anything happens to my husband, I won't be remarrying or taking up with anyone else.

And, as Cyan, said, if I find myself alone in the world then no way will I entertain another man in life. The one I'm with is all weird and respectful about women, in fact he's the only one I've met who ever has been.

Absolutely. I was born in '62 and it's been good, but I would hate being young now.

Can’t help thinking I was born at the very best time to be a woman. (1963)

I get around this issue by being single.

Agreed. And not he expected to send pictures of naked me.

I’m so glad I’m old and allowed to have pubes and to not do sex that I don’t want to do.

Yes, that's why I'm fully behind prosecuting men when women "accidentally" die from it.

I do think there are women that ask men to strangle them. I still think men shouldn't though - they have the same right as women not to do things that make them feel uncomfortable and if doing something that could (if it goes wrong) result in a murder charge doesn't make them uncomfortable they are either idiots or have issues. Physically they cant really be coerced into doing it by women in the same way.
I know its often used in a misogynistic way but don't fuck crazy is actually fairly sensible advice.

I'm like you, I've never watched it. No real interest.

I know very well that porn is damaging because I've read about it, but I've made a point of never engaging with it and have never seen any. In the same way, I avoid violent films, because I don't want that shit in my head. Years ago at a dinner party, there was one of those 'things I've never done' discussions and I said 'I've never watched porn' with the result that the table went quiet, everyone shuffled in their seats and the subject was changed. Going on that, I'm guessing porn is watched by nearly everyone.

There used to be a MN poster who could be relied upon to pop up and insist that she was well up for whatever painful and humiliating variety of sex was being discussed at the time. Haven’t seen her for a while, and of course she could be absolutely anybody.

I suppose I imagine that there are girls who ask for these kinds of things because it's a big theme in porn so they assume that if they pretend to like it, they'll look adventurous and fun. I'm older, pre internet porn generation, and none of the girls or women I've been friends with in all that time ever expressed any interest in it, whatsoever.

And none of the men I've ever been involved with did, either. None of them have ever behaved with any kind of aggression. Just putting it out there that I don't think that it's natural or inevitable that all men want to do potentially dangerous or even slightly discombobulating things to their partners.